Just Behind My Lips

I have come up with a plan!

It sat with excitement just behind my lips

I tried so hard to cage it in

to keep my plans a secret

“shhhh” I hushed

 

Anyway, now the plan makes no sense

I spoke it aloud to try and find the sense in it

but the sense has left it altogether

because all my loved ones have died and gone

and the only point was to see them

but!

I have come up with a plan

and I will see to it I finish everything I listed

I will visit their empty homes

their tombs

their favorite spaces

alone

with no fear

with no emotion or purpose other than to fill time

I fill my time with plans

and thoughts

 

with an arm lifted and a fist clinched

I’ll stand watch for woodpeckers (those where her favorite)

and I’ll wait for hours at his favorite restaurant

to taste the steak he suggested (it’s a meal only few know of that’s not on the menu)

there is something in these things left to me by the dead

it’s a fulfillment of something I planned

and even if there’s is no one to share it with

I will have these memories as my own

 

<3Saschia

This Is My Calling