Under God’s Gaze

my boobs ache and my nipples crack

millimeter by millimeter

I grit as they tread my parted crevices

and I allow it

bloody bleeding

I choose everyday to keep going

“it’s all temporary” they keep telling me

and as I wander off to dream my breasts fill

they weigh me down

down down down the spiral

I am a woman who is tied to her children

I am a woman who has bled on white carpets

on the white sheets and into the hands of strangers

But I tell myself this will be over

this will end

I treasure the moments like they tell me

As my tummy sags while I squat squat squat to a popular rhythm

I can only hope it lifts just one more inch

missed meals a drooping breast

my body aches it aches from sacrifice

for him for her for the good God almighty

my dreams wait and become impatient

they gnaw and cause un-lady-like outbursts

my faith in God dwindles

and it all makes less sense the more I give

and rest and give

the more I come alive

The church steps in but it’s no use

it’s too late I’ve nothing left to give

I have no care left

call me what you like

keep me in your prayers

but these bones have grown too tired of trying to get

you to understand what it’s like when you’re not around