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She paces toward the bathroom. Her loafer slippers drag against the floorboards to the beat of the music. The bedroom is cool but the rest of the house is a thousand degrees. āItās never ok to hurt someone, not physically or any other way.ā
Hell wouldnāt have a bedroom to cool off in, sheās lucky. Sheās a lucky girl to have such pleasures in this life. The clock on wall ticks but she canāt hear it even when she gets in its face. She feels her chest begin to sweat.
Back to the bedroom.
The house is full of her acceptance. A beautiful house on a U with a ghost-black gate around it. No trespassers. No hate from the outside coming in, just a community of names. Everyone knows names.
āWe are agents of beginnings.ā –Art as Existence by Gabriele Guercio.
When I first started writing, I wanted to hide behind my creations. I wanted to be an anonymous figure that created something powerful. For me, there was a sense of humility in creating a profound piece of art while living in secret without all the reviews and rewards. Living a private life, hidden from the world is something I do treasure. So this seemed like a marvelous path. But thereās a problem with this mindset. First, letās talk about our new beginnings.
āWho am I?ā
One of the most important questions we can ask ourselves as artists. This really is the bedrock of our creations. This is where writing is transformed from mimicry to individual and original works. Okay, now that weāve clarified our foundation, letās keep moving forward. What accompanies our who?
With our āwhoā we are led to our why? Like, why are we writing? Then we are led to our what? What are we doing about our why and our who? For clarity, this might be what your why looks like: I am the representation of a strong woman who perseveres as a writer to show others the gifts and tools writing can provide.
Ok, letās just say you know your why, how are you acting on that? Not in your art, in your life. What are you actively doing to pass on this mindset? So what Iām saying is, you are what you do. Not what youāve done but what you do presently. The monotony, the unexpected, the things you say yes to are all who you are. This isnāt to create a sense of unforgiveness or shame but to bring awareness to your actions as a conscious writer.
I am [insert your action] because [insert why].
When you begin to explore your who, the goal is, or should be, to become aware of both your internal and your external until you overcome the gap. Freud would say making the unconscious conscious. Whatever you label it, this exploration has no end. Closing the gap between the two isnāt to reach a fixed state. It should be understood as a constant āproduction of presence.ā According to Gabriele Guercio in Art as Existence; Hanna Arendt, a twentieth-century great thinker, argues,
for a view of the the human condition in which everyoneās insertion in the world must be understood as a āsecond birth,ā singularity revealed via praxis. This birth āis not the beginning of something but of somebody, who is a beginner himself.ā It occurs when one stops belonging merely to a natural species and asserts oneās own initiative.
We are a species of new beginnings. The initial āinsertion into the worldā (what Arendt would like us to call second-birth,) is what some call self-actualization. Part of the second birth is accepting that we arenāt a fixed state. Which means your āwhoā and your āwhatā can evolve and change as the gap between the two closes. And as it closes you become fully embodied in your who. What a beautiful thing it can be to become an unpredictable and unique individual. Someone with their own initiative who doesnāt just go with the flow of things.
This is why my mindset shifted from hiding behind my art. I realized that my becoming is part of my novel writing. This becoming and unbecoming is what is going to make my art art. I show up with my flaws, and my mistakes, and my manic days, and my downward spirals because my awareness of all these details is going to close the gap. Itās going to insert my humanity into the world with all my ābeginnerā showing. It is now my intention to allow my life to compliment my art. I want to mirror something other than the outside world, I want to mirror myself.
What youāre willing to die for, should be the same as what youāre willing to live for. Death is inevitable. Not in a depressing way but we all know itās coming. Whatās unknown, though? Your greatness? The impact your writing will have? How much you will change with your mere existence? Those are all unknowns and they always will be. One of my favorite songs from Eminemās Music to Be Murdered By -Side B album is his song titled Higher. Hereās a line
All I know is every time I think I hit my ceiling I go higher than Iāve ever fuckinā been
Thatās something worth thinking about. For a long time, I knew my daughter was the only thing in this life worth dying for. I said that religiously. But I was killing myself. I had destructive thoughts. While I did enjoy fitness, I still wasnāt taking in enough calories so it was taking a toll on my mental health. My digestion went downhill. My emotions went downhill which had an impact on my relationship and ability to make proper decisions for the future of my daughter.
Then it hit one day. Okay, youād die for your baby and your mom but what are you willing to stay alive for? Life is fuckin hard as shit. So hard in fact that living in a healthy way is the best most precious gift I could ever give to myself and my daughter.
That shift in mindset changed my entire perspective on why Iām alive and how I should be thinking about my purpose, my motivations, my disciplines, and my relationships.
So yes, how did you die, but it also means (and more importantly) How did you live?
How Did You Die?
Did you tackle that trouble that came your way With a resolute heart and cheerful? Or hide your face from the light of day With a craven soul and fearful?
Oh, a troubleās a ton, or a troubleās an ounce, Or a trouble is what you make it, And it isnāt the fact that youāre hurt that counts, But only how did you take it?
You are beaten to earth? Well, well, whatās that! Come up with a smiling face. Itās nothing against you to fall down flat, But to lie there-thatās disgrace.
The harder youāre thrown, why the higher you bounce Be proud of your blackened eye! It isnāt the fact that youāre licked that counts; Itās how did you fight-and why?
And though you be done to the death, what then? If you battled the best you could, If you played your part in the world of men, Why, the Critic will call it good.
Death comes with a crawl, or comes with a pounce, And whether heās slow or spry, It isnāt the fact that youāre dead that counts, But only how did you die?
āMany stories matter. Stories have been used to dispossess and to malign. But stories can also be used to empower, and to humanize. Stories can break the dignity of a people. But stories can also repair that broken dignity.ā ā Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Iāve explained in my previous posts, (here, and here) that Iām going to be more intentional about the books I read. So I wanted to take the time to share my journey with you guys. Iāve begun this journey by google searching ābooks by black authors.ā
Please note: This is only the beginning, I intend to network and connect with lesser known authors as well. Moving on.
I want to read books from individuals whose voices need to be heard and understood, in order create social change. I want to keep a forward momentum on all of our efforts. I do believe that right the internet is a great place to create social change. It can allow people to search up topics without judgement. We just have to make the topics visible to everyone. Also, I have learned mostly as an author, that reading books helps me to notice similarities I have with the others, whether it be the author or the characters. I love that feeling when Iām reading and Iām like āOh, they thought of that too!ā
Ok, I wonāt make you wait any longer, here is the list of lists of black authors from reliable sources.
This isĀ Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. She is an award winning author from Nigeria. She speaks in this Ted talk (which is now one of the most viewed Ted talks of all time) about how we need to be careful of the single story.
Without saying too much, I find it so commendable and inspiring of her to admit that she fell into the same flaw as the people who frustrated her most. She fell for the flaw of believing the single story.
When it comes to stories, Iād never refuse a good book that was handed to me. I read books from outside of my culture regularly. But then I thought about it and the truth is, I only read them because of school or because someone well read suggested them to me. I havenāt intentionally searched for reads outside of whatās suggested to me. Which naturally leads me into the world of dominant culture.
This talk was eye opening for many reasons, but most of all, that it is time I began to intentionally search for stories outside of American and European pop culture. Then I want to listen to what is missing from the stories Iāve already been told. I want to do this because I donāt want to limit myself from learning to accept that humans, in every walk of life, are my equal.
Iām trying to find new places and communities on the web. I donāt usually venture out, but lately Iāve been in a search of active communities with lots of friendly connections.
Iāve signed up for Twitch because growing up, I loved watching my brother and his friends play video games. Plus, a friend I made on Instagram goes live on there so that was a great motivator to get me signed up and look around. Iām new to it, so Iām still trying to find more gamers Iām interested in following. Right now, I follow two people.
Eivlya-Sheās currently playing through the entire Legend of Zelda series. and ItsKingKhaos– Heās quoted saying, āIām not the best gamer but I have the best time gaming. I started the SWEATY GANG to make friends and build a community of people motivated to chase their dreams.ā Heās welcoming and fun to watch.
Iām under Jaynepress. Iām still learning so bear with me.
I signed up for TikTok mostly because GaryVee suggested it for entrepreneurs. Iām kinda overwhelmed by all the buttons, but Iāll figure it out. It is fun to watch fitness videos to get ideas for workouts. I still have to find other videos Iād be interested in. On other platforms, I mostly watch educational, informative, or even motivational videos. So thatās probably what Iāll be searching for on there in terms of community. I havenāt found people Iām excited to follow just yet.
Iām just barely on LinkedIn but frankly, that site makes me feel like shit. Not sure what Iām going to do on there. Iāll slowly rebuild it, maybe, I donāt know.
Iām always looking for writing communities with pretty active members. I like WordPress communities that fall under certain hashtags, but it isnāt as active as it used to be. My favorite hashtags on WordPress are #creativewriting, #darkpoetry,#blogger, #art, #prose, #poetry, #anxiety, and #depression.
I really likeInstagram and Twitter right now for writing communities. Their #amwriting community on both platforms has blown up since Nanowrimo mingled with covid, but itās gets pretty active in November anyways.
Nanowrimo is an amazing community for writers! I have some pretty close friends Iāve made from connecting on Nanowrimo. Itās National Novel Writing Month and itās every year in November. Itās like a game where you write a novel in a month. Very fun with so much support and education for writers of all levels.
Also thereās a couple groups on Facebook that are pretty awesome for writers. You can go in these groups and ask questions and answer questions. Some let you share your page to increase your following. Very fun.
I have actually been struggling with finding a good community on Medium. Community wise these are the platforms I really enjoy Genius in a Bottle, Know Thyself, Heal Thyself and The Intoxicating Unhinged Mind. I think their community members are pretty active and supportive. I just feel like this platform doesnāt allow a lot of connection which is why I always add my other platforms on the bottom of my posts.
Please feel free to connect with me on other platforms to message and chat about writing. I always try my best to follow back.
Also what are your favorite communities in general? Share generously. š We are all craving connection out here.