Jayne.press

Jayne.Press·3 min read

Have you lost yourself in societal expectations?

Our housekeeping is mendicant, our arts, our occupations, our marriages, our religion, we have not chosen, but society has chosen for us. -Ralph Waldo Emerson taken from his essay titled Self-Reliance

Have you lost yourself in societal expectations?

Trying to meet the expectations of everyone around us ultimately leads to depression and feelings of failure because it’s impossible to meet everyone’s expectations. Everyone is going to have an idea of what you’re “supposed” to be doing. But the only person on this earth who truly knows what you should be doing, is you.

Unsure of what you’re supposed to be doing? It reminds me of Picasso’s quote,

It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child.

Lost? That’s the best place to start. It’s ok to not know what you’re doing yet. Give yourself full permission to figure that out. Whatever that looks like. And of course not everyone will understand. That’s part of it. Finding what you love is hand in hand with stepping away from everything that you’re not. Step toward the ones who take time to understand.

Invest fully into finding or doing what you love and don’t be swayed by what others think you should be doing. Because if they were doing what they loved, they wouldn’t have time to be swaying you to do anything other than what you love. They also wouldn’t because they know what it takes to live what you love, hard work and dark nights alone with nothing but the glitter of a dream.

I didn’t learn this from people who were born wealthy and I didn’t learn this from people who were born in poverty and never found their way out. I learned from people who had a dream and didn’t give up even in their darkest moments.

Will Smith
Steve Jobs
Steve Harvey

I’ve even read books about writers in their darkest moments like Scottish author Robert Louis Stevenson who according to wikipedia “despite [his] ill health, during his three years in Westbourne, Stevenson wrote the bulk of his most popular work: Treasure Island, Kidnapped, Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde (which established his wider reputation), The Black Arrow: A Tale of the Two Roses, A Child’s Garden of Verses and Underwoods.”

Don’t let the crowd sway you from who you are and what you’re here for. They will try their damndest to get you to conform just like them. Don’t let them.

Check me out on instagram @Jayne_press

Last post I gave Six Tips on How to Start Writing

Let’s write books !!

There are people out there who write entire books. You say you wanna write. You say you have a great story with great ideas. There’s only one thing stopping you from getting a great story from inside your head and onto paper. The only thing stopping you is you. That’s no hard truth. We all have priorities. We all have responsibilities that keep us from where we should really be. So how can you start?

Let it unfold slowly

The first way to start doesn’t have to be banging out the whole book in one night. Keep a notebook and jot down your ideas throughout the day. Or use your notes app on your phone and organize an outline. We live in a world the worships hustle culture. But as writers we don’t follow what the world does, we write to change the world. This leads to the next point.

Change your mindset

There’s no right way to write a rough draft. Every writer starts their story differently. Some people write outlines scene by scene. But others including Stephen King go right in for the kill with only a vague idea. Some people use post-it notes and those boards kids use for science projects. Try different ways to get the story out that fits into your lifestyle.

Discipline

Some people claim you don’t have to write every day. And you know what, you don’t. But the best defense against writer’s block is writing something every day. When you write because of discipline, it’s not the unreliable couple, motivation and inspiration that’s progressing you forward on their terms only. Using discipline places you in control. It’s this that gets you the finish line. Also what’s great about writing your story every day is that it keeps you in touch with your characters. And when you’re in touch with your characters it’s easy to know what choices they are going to make. This is why it’s best to choose discipline.

Respect the greats

The greats are great for a reason. There’s something about comparing great works of fiction to their author. It’s almost as if the book loses context without understanding the life of the writer.

Enjoy the journey

Seriously though. Life’s too short to not have fun doing what you love. I used to get so angry. I used to throw huge fits and give up writing for days. Felt worse when I didn’t write than when I was frustrated. But then I started paying attention to the movies and books I loved. They don’t feel like the author trudged through them. They do feel like the authors paid attention to detail while using techniques that engaged the audience. Take your writing seriously and but don’t take it so seriously you lose a sense of play.

Take time to learn and grow

There comes a time in every man’s education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance, that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which resides in him to till. -Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self Reliance

You can read more of my work on Medium. Swing by and leave me a comment @jayne.press

How to keep writing even when flooded of uncertainty

When we start writing our novels and our poems we have this grand idea. It starts in our head. Then we find different ways to get it out on paper whether writing outlines or going right in and developing the piece as we go. The process of getting from the depths of our mind onto paper is not always a walk in the park. In some divine moments stories pour out of us, those are not the times I’m talking about here. I’m talking about the stories where we have it at the tip of our tongue. Those moments that come and it seems like you can’t see which way to go next. That is exactly when uncertainty floods us with doubt. It’s not a good feeling, but great news, I’m here to help!

Let’s talk about uncertainty.

When we feel like we have no idea what’s coming in life and in writing, the first thing that hits us like a load of bricks is fear. It’s fear from loss of control. It’s fear from failure. It’s fear from looking stupid. Uncertainty floods us with all sorts of feelings, but that’s just it, they are just feelings. So when you feel uncertainty hit you like a load of bricks, it feels like the best option is to doubt success. Especially because you’re so uncertain, you don’t even know what success would look like.

Ok we’re flooded, now what?

Now you acknowledge those feelings. You take the time to accept that you have no control and you are now in unknown territory. These feelings are ok. These thoughts and feelings put us on guard and keep us safe. So let them come.

Now let’s go back to the beginning

We’re talking about writing and the uncertainty that comes with it. We’re talking about your story. So let’s think about this some more. Your story is in your hands. It’s in your complete control. So now with that shift in mindset, which isn’t always simple, we’ve gained the control we had when we started. The control that says, this is your story and you can do with it what you may.

So what next?

Think of those times when you were a child and you were most amazed by something. Whether it was an ant carrying a leaf ten times its size. Or whether it was a scene in a movie that lit your fire so much you couldn’t believe your eyes. Allow that wonder to carry you along. Surprise yourself with all the options you have to create something spectacular. And then let that magic flow into the uncertainty like a candle on the water.

The only way you fail in writing, is not writing at all. An book that sells 30 copies or 2 copies is not a failed book. No matter what the world tells you, your art is monumental. Sometimes it takes tweaking in the story, sometimes it’s marketing but always the final product is about acknowledging you and the hard work you’ve done to get where you are.

Keep Going.