1. Allow yourself to fall. Cry, scream, nap, do self care.
2. Get healthy. Healthy diet and exercise help with a healthy mind.
3. Talk it out. Find someone who is in a healthy place emotionally to talk it out.
4. Set goals to focus on for the next year. Not so focused they become a crutch just a means to move forward.
5. Surround yourself with communities that share your interests.
6. Trust your gut. When something doesn’t feel right, trust that. Don’t let people take advantage of your vulnerable state. If they weren’t there through the struggle chances are they won’t be there through the healing.
7. Move forward. Stay away from environments that no longer serve you. Learn the signs and patterns of toxic behaviors and set boundaries immediately so you don’t end up in the same situations over and over again.
8. Learn to be ok alone. Become your own best friend. Learn yourself. Take up hobbies. Feed your brain.
The Art of Letting Go
I just want to throw this out there. I talk a lot of shit. I act like I’m rebellious and a rockstar, but it’s all a show. I f’n adore community and meeting people and learning people and supporting people. So yes, I like to go out. I like to dress sexy and feel pretty.
I like getting told I’m beautiful.
But at the end of the day, my family is my priority.
I love being home, hanging out, eating dinner together, and talking about our day. I love growing and building together. There was never a time that I wasn’t loyal to my home. There was only a time I put my home before individuals who weren’t ready to grow with me.
Everyone’s priorities are different when it comes to where their loyalty lives and dies. I am first loyal to my spiritual growth, then to my family, then my writing, then everything moves and jumbles around below those.
At times there are gray areas. When I reach those places, I make sure to communicate with my loved ones that I’m in an unknown area. I do my best to show full respect and honesty to my household during those times. It’s much harder to communicate when it’s an internal writing thing, but I try.
Where I struggle with loyalty is when to stop being loyal. Once I fully commit to someone or something, I take my loyalty to grave. So, I tend to stay loyal to people and places who no longer serve me. And that’s a problem. That’s not setting boundaries.
So todays writing will be inspired by my inner conflict with loyalty.
Today I decided to go into a fantasy world in my writing. I finished writing about the rough stuff and decided to write about how I feel when I’m loved. Of course it probably looks chaotic and a little unreal but when I’m loved that’s how my world feels. It feels like I could do anything. And you know what, it’s crazy how much more motivated I feel when I choose to love me. Loving me also opens my heart to let others love me and that is the connection we all crave, right, to love and be loved.
I am loving myself by writing this post and also writing encouraging words on my other social media platforms. How do you love yourself?
This past month, I have been taking time to recall my past year. It’s been tough to feel like I’m putting myself through the past again, but in September, while I was going through a rough patch, I found myself diving headfirst into a lot of pieces I wrote over the years. Hearing how I felt in different situations gave me perspective and helped me to heal myself. I also began to go through a lot of my old Facebook posts. I truly thank past Saschia for the encouragement she constantly poured out. So from here on out, I’m going to make sure I record my current thoughts and feelings even if in my present moment they seem insignificant. Also, I’m going to post on my social media as if I’m speaking to my future self so that when the time comes, I’ll have someone telling me exacly what I need to hear when I need to hear it. So basically, writing and posting my feelings in the present moment is loving myself. Did you write today?
the moments I freeze in fear
palms on my thighs
the moments I lose myself in emotion
to protect my tribe
they are all me
pieces that will evolve
and come back to life
the smile I can’t wipe from my face
the way I act like it’s a whole new world
when I fall in love
that is me
A collection of those who loved me
and a collection of those who had no idea how
I crossed the threshold.
It took some time.
I paced the door
looked in the key hole
I even tested the handle
then finally, I crossed the threshold
only to find another hall
full of a hundred more wonky doors
This is a nice hall
I hall worth resting in
I’ll test some more doors tomorrow
Seasons of solitude Or Seasons of hell
I fill my mouth with water and spit it into the sink. The water swirls around and disappears down the drain. They say all drains lead to the ocean.
Dorthey has to fight the villain inside her. She tries to stay focused on growth and not letting others bring her down. But sometimes she gets down, real down. She wants to drag her enemies to the depths of hell. Introduce them her friend, Death and fill their bellies with the greatest pleasures in life. She wants to leave them stranded and lonely waiting for someone to just. come. and. love. them. The place she was. The way she was. And sometimes she loses control and she stoops. She stoops and she feels like she’s let herself down every time she does. She never wants another human to feel the physical and emotional pain she’s gone through. But she clinches her fists and grits her teeth at times, praying for vengeance from above and below. Then she thinks, you know what, they may never realize the pain they caused. They may never take the time to learn their own soul. Their own magnificent inner being. Now that, is the true heartbreak. And that is when she reels herself back in and remembers that in another life, in another dimension, she made the same mistake. Even if it would have never been in this lifetime. That thought slacks her jaw and releases her shoulders. This is her growth. This is a snapshot inside a human mind attempting to grow from every circumstance. This is her truth.
cells and hair follicles
This body so temporary but
these words could live on forever
they may dissolve into nothing
as my body does
but they may lift a chin
or a heart
or a spirit
and so I write them
over and over again
with hopes that something will come of them