Art and Consciousness

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It’s the Chase

It’s the Chase

A Micro Romance On Writing

You know that feeling when you’re creating and you’re chasing everything your thoughts, new ideas, the missing links, that’s what you’re in it for.

You chase, your brain is all over the place, and then it slowly and suddenly you realize, it’s all come together.

That’s when the feeling begins to dissipate, because it’s not the coming together you’re in it for,

it’s the chase.

I think that the joy of writing a novel is the self-exploration that emerges and also that wonderful feeling of playing God with the characters. When I sit down at my writing desk, time seems to vanish … I think the most important thing for a writer is to be locked in a study. — Erica Jong

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On Art and its Purpose

On Art and its Purpose

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I used to be offended when people misunderstood my work, then I came to realize that the evolution of thought is what art is all about. Not that it’s about being misunderstood but it’s about setting the idea free and allowing it to be whatever it becomes. It’s not always easy to allow your work to be its own thing separate from you as the creator.

The principles of true art is not to portray, but to evoke. — Jerzy Kosinski

When we set out to create something, we must trust that when it’s time, a message will be revealed. We must also be understanding that it won’t be in the same way that we, as the artist, received it, because the artist didn’t have her own art yet to give herself that message. So as the art is sent out into the world, it’s going to give its message in a different way than the artist received it.

The true use of art is, first, to cultivate the artist’s own spiritual nature.— George Inness

What’s great about being an artist is that our art not only evolves and changes when we set it free but we also evolve and change every time we set our work free. The process of creating changes us in million different ways. The way we see our own struggles gaze at us, the way we fill gaps and solve problems, and the way we attempt to give our ideas digestible context. These few things requ

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On Writing

On Writing- Old Wounds and Your Characters’ Decision Making

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When writing a character, it’s the wounds that guide their decision making. Unless something divine intervenes, when the character is left to make their own decisions, that decision must be made with their old wounds in mind. Whether it makes them use courage and face something head on, or if it makes them a coward (in the most honest term) and avoid any confrontation. Or maybe it just makes them take a second longer to make an unbiased decision. Anyway, the past must be taken into account with decision making. It tells the reader if the character is learning, if the character is ending up to be quite the bore which hopefully places the spotlight on other more interesting characters, or more excitedly is it pushing the character in a negative way causing negative reactions or villainous behavior. dum dum dummmm….

In life, we’ve got to understand our wounds like our character’s wounds. We will make decisions based on our past traumas. It’s up for us to decide if we will allow those wounds to make us stronger or turn us into our own villains. Or if our avoidance behavior is going to remove us from our own story.

Don’t remove yourself from your own story. We need you in all your glory to show up.

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Trust The Writer

6 ways how to trust your inner writer

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As writers, it’s important to value the process, but it’s trusting in your writing that helps deliver it to world. When I find myself doubting my work, it brings me down. I get writers block. I can get overly frustrated while I’m creating, so then I can’t get it finished. That’s when creating isn’t fun for me anymore. So, we need to trust our writing because it helps us to be confident in what we’re creating. We need to write because it saves people. So here’s seven ways to trust your writing so the world can keep on survive.

“If you have a strong purpose in life, you don’t have to be pushed. Your passion will drive you there.”
― 
Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

Know your purpose

Once you know why you’re writing, it makes it easier to stay committed to your work. It gives your work a rich touch that’s unique to you. Use your purpose, goals, and values as beacons to get you through the rough patches. There’s a million reasons to quit, but you only need one to keep going. Discipline is great. Motivation is great. Determination is great. But none of those things are going to push you through your doubts, your blocks, and whatever else the universe throws at you. Find your purpose and let it distract you from all the reasons you have to quit.

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Always take time to acknowledge your efforts

If you’re a writer, your work begins before you put fingers to keyboard. Whatever writing you’re working on, remind yourself how far you’ve come to get to this point. Recognize your efforts so that you can feel confident about your current skill level. Then keep moving forward.

“Creativity gives hope that there can be a worthwhile idea.” -Edward de Bono

Understand that you’re contribution is valuable

What you have to share is irreplaceable. We are still discovering artists from centuries ago. You never know who you are inspiring by putting your writing out there. There’s a lot of shy people who fear speaking up to support your writing, but they still are moved by it. If for the briefest moment you rescue someone from a dark place, your work has fulfilled its purpose. This world has only a handful of moments that are pure beauty buried in the midst of a whole lot of bullshit. It doesn’t matter how you look at it. Dead is dead, gone is gone, and sometimes we are so lonely we can’t get out of bed. We need your work to get out of bed. We need your work to take one more breath. We need your work to remind us that there are times when everything is not ok and even then, we can still bask in a moment of bliss.

Start new everyday

Wake up with brand new expectations for the writing that needs to be done. Let go of whatever you didn’t finish the previous day and just focus on finishing your goals for that day. You may ask, well what if I get behind? Yes, that is a great question. I used to overwhelm myself when I didn’t complete my task list and it would snowball throughout the week until Friday came and I was ready quit because I could never catch back up. I’d find my self wrapped up with what I didn’t complete the day before. When I began to start everyday as a new day, the snowball effect disappeared, and I was still getting my work done in a mindful manor. Also, knowing that tomorrow is a fresh start and my work won’t snowball, means if I don’t push myself a bit harder to finish it, it’s not getting done. Which will put me past my deadline. It’s effective. Start everyday as a new day and don’t allow the unfinished work snowball into an anxious mess.

Don’t overthink it

A good chunk of the time, it’s important for me to just throw my work out there. If I edit a piece too much it can lose its initial meaning. It’s ok to allow your writing to evolve, but don’t ruminate on it to the point of not sharing. Which leads to my next point …

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“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”
― 
Ann Landers

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What Made Me A Writer

I was not always a writer.

I grew up in a single parent home with a mom battling depression. She, with the help of my family, made sure we had everything we needed while prioritizing a deep rooted relationship with Christ. I was blessed with a father who loved me and did the best he could to raise us from outside of our home, while focusing on his own ambitions. As a child, this was confusing and sometimes hard but, as an adult, I completely understand where he was in life. I had an amazing brother who toughened me up and taught me how to be a good loser. He always expected better and praised me when I did improve. He didn’t let boys treat me bad and this over time, supplied me self-worth. As for school, I grew up failing most of my classes and hating school. I felt excluded in private high school and cried every day in public school. I was mostly invisible to teachers except for my loving step mother who worked hard to get me into school every day. She was my outward motivation but I had no intrinsic motivation to go to school. In my mind I was stupid, ugly, fat, and weird. It was a very uncomfortable place in life for me. I felt stuck, dropped out, and attended adult education.

I had already loved psychology at this point and spent most of my free time trying to learn about schizophrenia. I realized I loved this subject, everything about it. After learning everything I could independently about schizophrenia, I moved on to learning about multiple personality disorder and depression. (This is when nobody used the internet, I was taking books out at the library.) Then someone told me about a place that was hiring. It was a private school for children who were mentally handicap. (The title “mentally handicap” was politically correct back then, now I would carefully say, special needs.) The timing and type of job was perfect for me. I loved it, everything about it. Though, there was still a part of me that didn’t feel good enough or smart enough and kinda weird. Those feelings did not stop me from doing my job but it did stop me from moving up in the chain of command. After 11 years, I eventually got to a point in my career where I was given responsibility over one child. While being responsible for that student we started off our days with violent tantrums showing very little interest in being independent, to eventually independently leading me. This took a lot of time, goal setting, blood, sweat, and most of all patience. Some may be bothered when their “student” leads them but, for me, this was an emotional tear worthy moment. That student started as a child with no motivation, like myself and grew into a women who was more motivated than the motivator. The job was a success and I was satisfied. After success, coincidentally I had also become a mother and my job was changing management, which meant I had to learn a whole new person’s vision and after 11 years of trying to learn another person’s vision, I was done. The job was out grown and it was time for me to grow like my student, who is now my motivator. I was off to college.

At this day in age it seems as if college is glorified more than the career itself. While college is at your fingertips, jobs are nearly impossible to find. Not all jobs, just the jobs that fit your passions. It is scary for myself, as a college student, to think about what will come of all my college debt. That doesn’t stop me, this unstoppableness may be a form of ignorance or false security but it still doesn’t stop me. The award winning neurosurgeon, Ben Carson said, “When you educate a man, you liberate a man,”(or women of course.) So, here I am being liberated and I am confident that the debt I am gaining will someday be worth it.

With all that, work for your passions and don’t stop! Persevere. It took 11 years for me to get to this point. It took Charles Hull 30 years to create the 3D printer and he can’t stop there. We can’t stop here. While your reaching for your goals, in the words of the Great Dylan Thomas, “…” To close I must say loudly, Don’t be a lady about fighting for your passions.

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My Mom Intentions

The Art of Momming

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This months intentions I’ve set for mothering are spending quality time with my oldest, creating and being aware of teachable moments with my youngest, but most importantly taking time to enjoy motherhood everyday.

Spending planned quality time with my oldest is one of the best things I started investing in. It allows me to step away from all my responsibilities and just listen to her stories. (And let me tell you, she’s got stories for days which is amazing since she never really talked as a kid.) I love hearing her stories. I want her to know she’s invested in in more ways than one, not just fed and housed, but really focused on and paid attention to. So I started putting one day a week aside for just us two to bond. She always seems a little brighter after we are done with a planned hang out. I say planned because I feel last minute hangout session don’t really serve the purpose. I have to mentally prepare myself to focus on our time together or else I bring my work with me. So when I set aside the time ahead it really makes a difference. It allows me to be fully present.

The other intention I have is being aware enough to take advantage of teaching moments for my youngest. These are my favoritest moments of motherhood. Seeing my babies learn something new, lights up my life. She’s happy. I’m happy. Sometimes we celebrate. Sometimes it’s a silent understanding. But it’s always a good feeling to see my babies grow. Especially because I can get so wrapped up in other things.

I get wrapped up. I get wrapped up in my kids meeting their milestones. I get wrapped up in getting them to where they need to be. I get wrapped up in chasing my own dreams. I mention all that because it’s normal and I know every mom can relate to it. I forget to take time to enjoy my life with them. So the last thing on my list is also one of the most import, to enjoy momming. I try to get on the ground with them, share funny moments with them, and do things to create joyful moments. I like to remind myself the good things about being a mom.

I never really thought of setting intentions for momming. I used to just make lists of things I wanted to get done around the house. They were never really things to build intentional relationships with my girls. I assumed it would just happen naturally. And yes, I do think in many ways relationships get built naturally, but I think this way gives our relationship more value. I do value my family very much. So they’ve been added to my monthly intentions and I hope they grow and evolve into deeper and even more meaningful relationships.

I mean we have a entire world to survive here might as well make the strongest connections I can with the people I love most.

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Show Up and Bare it All

On Writing

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When you look at a writer’s work, you can’t look at one piece and know the whole artist. One piece of work is just a bleep on the radar. Especially in today’s world. You can’t just look at one post, or one blog, or one short story, poem, whatever. You have to follow the artist. Follow them with the intent to understand where their work is coming from and for the most dedicated followers, where it is going. How is it evolving? How is the artist evolving?

We don’t know Leonardo da Vinci from just the Mona Lisa. We know him for his writing, his contraptions, his relationships with other artist and intellectuals of his time. We appreciate da Vinci for who he was entirely. Would he be so well admired if we didn’t know about him outside of his paintings?

All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The point here is, show yourself. Show who your are outside of your art. You are not one painting, you’re an entire collection. You are more than one work of art. You’re a gallery. You are Picasso’s works before, during, and after his Blue period. That’s about 50,000 works.

Which also means, keep writing. You can’t stop at just one piece. You have thousands more to create and many more late nights ahead to fight against sleep. Every time you finish writing, a little piece of you changes. I’m not sure whether something is added or subtracted. I’m not even sure if it makes you more whole, but it adds to your collection and it makes you a little more whole to the viewer.

Bare it all

Showing up is great but you gotta do more than that. When you write, take the risk. Don’t be afraid to bare it all. You cannot take a snapshot worth keeping without baring some part of you that you hold sacred. Don’t worry about how people will react. Bare it in the most artistic way possible, then move on to your next work.

There’s going to be days when writing is an inconvenience, write anyway. There’s a million reasons to take the night off. It may seem like just one night away from writing, but it’s not. Writing everyday is proof you’re here and awake and fighting for something.

Writing can become your best friend, if you let it. There’s an intimacy in writing everyday that you can’t get from most relationships. It becomes your secret place and a place you can go where you’re allowed to be authentic. Writing can’t love you back but it sure can feel like it. Stay committed and you’ll be rewarded in a million priceless ways.

“Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on.”

— Louis L’Amour

Writing everyday keeps you in the flow. I feel, when I miss days of writing, it takes more time to get back into the story or into a place where I’m willing to share. It’s like anything else, once you step away, it can turn into days before you’re back in the flow again. When you’re in the flow, it doesn’t feel like it until you’re out of it again. Stay consistent. Write every day, even when you don’t feel like it.

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

― Maya Angelou

If you stop writing, you leave things unsaid. You lock stories up inside you that could be shared with the world. Write it out. Write it down. It may not seem like an interesting story now, but I can promise you, there’s someone out there that will love it. You just have to find them. But write it first, worry about finding them later.

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Your Wife III

She pokes and prods

Yells and screams

She wants sex

She wants to feel sexy

And dinner out

And he worked

he worked his ass off

But she wants wants wants

And the kids are hungry

And work is calling while they sit at the dinner table

Chicken and salad…. again

He’s glad he got fast food

But now she’s hurt and mad and sad

And needs attention

But he’s tired and she understands

So she cries in the bedroom with the baby

because she knows she’s too much

She wants to be more

To cook better

To look better with her hair and nails done

She nods off

baby on lap

Daughter in bed

Mom in chair

Dad somewhere she hopes is comfortable enough for him to get rest

So maybe just maybe tomorrow

he’ll finally have the energy to put up with her

Maybe he’ll even bring flowers

-Saschia