Fear’s shadow lingers in the crack below the door
I keep that door locked
Even though sometimes it swings wide open
I pace by it from time to time
But I don’t even touch the handle
I hate to twiddle my thumbs
While I think up the worst case scenario
I don’t even like to talk about it
But maybe if I share
You’ll see it too
and then
In front of our eyes
The door will disappear
-Saschia
Fear is healthy and normal but it’s not meant to control your entire life.
Take my hand
here look
my palms are open
Take my hand
to the edge
over the edge
listen
as the glass
shatters
-Saschia
Give me a sledge hammer
So I can break free
From this glass jar
-Saschia
They try so hard to keep my sanity
They close my knees
with two fingers
From each hand
As if I’m a doll
at a table set for tea.
-Saschia
My heart is growing
I can’t hide the truth
It’s breaking free
I can keep quiet but only out of respect to innocent
The fight is still in me
but the direction in which I focus
has narrowed to only my art
my art which is vast
but what matters is
I’m focused
-Saschia
The makeup drips down her face
Black tears
There’s more to all this
She knows it
She feels it in her bones
Even though it was wrong
She knows that too
But there was this push much stronger than before
An urge she’s never felt
She wasn’t herself or was she
Is this what being alive feels like?
It comes and goes, that feeling
Alive, is fighting the urge. It’s the torment you feel when you walk away. When he walks away. That is the alive. But, to give in, to go wherever you are pushed, that is no more than a dead leaf in the wind. Stripped from the branches. Stripped from life itself.
This moment you have as a dead leaf is your chance to fall apart, to sink into the soil, and to become part of the regrowth next spring.
You are not ruined
-Saschia
The heavens land at my feet
And hell underneath my breath
My understanding triumphs over my other self
While she prays pleadingly
I gaze at her like an open ocean
Strong and consistent
Her dreams clinched in my fist
Hold my hand
hold me tight
I don’t want to go on without you
-Saschia
In a few hours things will settle back into place
Unless I don’t want them to
I have thought myself into a sort of teeter totter
The good runneth over
the bad hiddeth my cup
but in a few hours this piece will join the rest
and I’ll be one step closer to whole
-Saschia
The only point of everything is love
Whether it’s not enough
Not reciprocated
Or whether it’s pure
with no agenda
Love is the point
– Saschia
I’ve softened from the wheel of time
My heart, swollen from loss
From love
These tipped toes move through the crevice where my suicide mocks me
And life burns my loose ends
I have become the voice I died for
Her crown tossed to the floor
Neglected by my attention
What is the reason for this, but my empty stomach
Starving for more more more
Heart
-Saschia
