Sharing my feelings

As long as I can put words to the way I feel, it’s free and open to the public. Unfortunately, living that way can frustrating because so many people are scared to share their own feelings.

Why would I continue to be so honest and care free with my thoughts and feelings knowing it leaves me vulnerable?

First, I know that sharing my feelings will give others the strength to share their own. Or help others to know they’re not alone in their own experiences.

Second, it helps me to have and set realistic expectations because over time expressing myself helps me learn what things bother me and what things make me smile.

And last but not least, when I’m finally around groups people who share their thoughts and feelings without fear, it’s so liberating for me. Makes me want to provide that space for people as well.

Why do you share your feelings or why don’t you?

8 Ways To Fall Forward

1. Allow yourself to fall. Cry, scream, nap, do self care.

2. Get healthy. Healthy diet and exercise help with a healthy mind.

3. Talk it out. Find someone who is in a healthy place emotionally to talk it out.

4. Set goals to focus on for the next year. Not so focused they become a crutch just a means to move forward.

5. Surround yourself with communities that share your interests. 

6. Trust your gut. When something doesn’t feel right, trust that. Don’t let people take advantage of your vulnerable state. If they weren’t there through the struggle chances are they won’t be there through the healing.

7. Move forward. Stay away from environments that no longer serve you. Learn the signs and patterns of toxic behaviors and set boundaries immediately so you don’t end up in the same situations over and over again.

8. Learn to be ok alone. Become your own best friend. Learn yourself. Take up hobbies. Feed your brain.

 

 

The Art of Letting Go

Just a Note On My Writing

This past month, I have been taking time to recall my past year. It’s been tough to feel like I’m putting myself through the past again, but in September, while I was going through a rough patch, I found myself diving headfirst into a lot of pieces I wrote over the years. Hearing how I felt in different situations gave me perspective and helped me to heal myself. I also began to go through a lot of my old Facebook posts. I truly thank past Saschia for the encouragement she constantly poured out. So from here on out, I’m going to make sure I record my current thoughts and feelings even if in my present moment they seem insignificant. Also, I’m going to post on my social media as if I’m speaking to my future self so that when the time comes, I’ll have someone telling me exacly what I need to hear when I need to hear it. So basically, writing and posting my feelings in the present moment is loving myself. Did you write today?

My Current Thoughts

I am not always the easiest person to talk to. I am fully aware of that. But:

I am capable of change. I am capable of forgiveness, I am capable of learning/listening to new thoughts and ideas even if they compromise my own beliefs.

I tried just following a belief system even though the system compromised my beliefs. It gets hard to pretend once you really sit down and think about what your true values are. It’s always been extremely hard for me to pretend. And even though sometimes the truth pisses me the hell off, if I come to the realization that I’m wrong, I will apologize or I’ll admit I was wrong. And I will do whatever is in my power to either not do it again or adjust my own views to what was true. Even if it means removing myself from a situation. Removing myself is a last resort but sometimes I have to do it. Especially, if I’m explaining my needs, my thoughts, my feelings, and they are disregarded or shoved to the side like an old news paper.

If you can not come to me with the truth, don’t come. If you can not strip away and get to the core of why you believe something. Stop coming. Find someone else to be friends with. I’d rather be alone than have people around me pretending. Disagree with me. Tell me why you do. Most importantly, tell me your life experiences that made you come to this realization. Don’t come to me with non human bs. Be a human. Tell me I hurt you. I’ll tell you why I’m hurt by it. That’s how you bond, that’s how you grow. We get mad. We scream, we yell, or not. We go home, think about that shit, and regroup. Then we come back to it whether it be a couple days weeks months. Just be honest, that’s how bonding happens.

That’s what I want.

Confessional:

To be honest, 3 or 4 years ago this was all very hard because I wasn’t secure in my own faith or values. Over time, my husband and going to school helped me sit down and establish what I currently believe and where my boundaries when it comes to my beliefs and values. So I am now more secure in and listening to conversations (especially religious ones) that compromise my own beliefs. If a topic is sensitive to me I will say that. I will show that, but it took time for me to learn to say, “this is a sensitive topic for me and to explain why.”

A Tidbit on Mindfulness

The feeling of self-righteousness crosses my mind before and/or after I tell myself I’m just not pretty enough anymore. At first thought, I do think that I could do it better than some other human out there and those thoughts are often exchanged with my insecurities. At times, I have to say to myself, “Okay, let’s think about this clearly. Is this really something I’d be capable of if I were in their situation?” That usually puts things in perspective for me. And then, with the insecurities I push myself to think something positive about my body or my abilities (which isn’t always easy). It’s about being in a constant state of awareness of my thoughts. I have to be, because the downward spiral is an easy slip. First, I’m content while listening to a talk show on NPR, not paying attention to my thoughts. Then I’m staring into the eyes of a Cheshire cat who’s asking me where I’d like to go. And then, I can’t remember where I even started. Or in other words, I’m no longer conscious. The real world full of daily struggles has slipped beneath me. To be mindful of my thoughts is both humbling and uplifting at the same time. It’s something that’s pretty important to me.

Belief

From now on I will believe in my writing. I will be confident enough to be teachable while also being true to me. It took a lot of work to be able to write that and mean it at the same time. It’s not just an affirmation it’s a statement of who I’ve become. I will continue to reflect on this so I can maintain my belief. But I hope to stay here if not forever for as long as possible.