I’m Overwhelmed with Domestic Duties

And I’m not just talking about house work. I’m talking managing the entire household. So I’m taking a break from it. Here’s a quote from NPR

On how women often assume the responsibility for “invisible work,” such as maintaining schedules and maintaining family ties

https://www.npr.org/2020/05/21/860091230/pandemic-makes-evident-grotesque-gender-inequality-in-household-work

There’s also this from the same article,

There’s a whole body of research around what’s called “the mental load.” It’s something that women also disproportionately bear. … It’s all of the stuff that you have to keep in your mind. 

Here’s a quote from a journal titled Invisible Work by A. Daniels from Oxford University Press that speaks on both women and impactful volunteer work

The lack of social validation implicit in disregard of all the [home planning] required tells women this effort doesn’t count as work; and they themselves often discount the effort it requires. Another area where the folk idea of work is too restrictive is in the distinction between paid and unpaid labor commonly associated with work–even in the public world. The work of community service volunteers is useful, but that it is not paid tells others— and volunteers themselves that it is not needed, not really important work despite all the lip service about the value of altruistic endeavor.

Daniels, A. (1987). Invisible Work. Social Problems, 34(5), 403-415. doi:10.2307/800538

I don’t need all this “credible” validation but it makes for better writing when you add quotes from people who paid a lot of money to have authority to say them. I’m taking a break from the invisible and visible domestic duties. I felt like sharing so other women who share their home can take a break with me. Then we’re not in this alone. I don’t mind breaking alone but aren’t we so much better together.

I’ll be writing my book if you need me. #momsaway

Stay Afloat

When the going gets tough, do what you love.

I was having a hard time staying focused on so I took a moment to do what I love. It kept me focused and kept me from completely shutting down.

Do what you love. Know your own bone; gnaw at it, bury it, unearth it, and gnaw it still.

Henry David Thoreau

Thoreau gives some good advice here. there’s also a quote that goes “Find what you love and let it kill you.” there’s some debate on whether Bukowski says it or not. Anyhow I’m writing this to remind you that doing what you love is exactly what you do to keep from falling into that awful state somewhere between avoidance and helplessness. Keep your head up. Keep swimming. You got this.

Just a shortie today. But I showed up so points to me.

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The Waiting Place

An embrace of the moments when waiting becomes visible can remind us not of the time we are losing but of the ways we can demystify the mythology of instantaneous culture and ever-accelerating paces of “real time.” 

https://www.brainpickings.org/2018/12/17/jason-farman-delayed-response/

This is taken from Maria Popova a writer I admire for her ability to weave information, wisdom, and creative inspiration into to one post. Her posts a dense but when you finish, you feel light as a feather. Anyhow, right now I’m in a place where I’m waiting. I do want to take my time. I’m willing to step away from control. I’m willing to strategize to make the best choice for my community, but I’m gunna be honest, the wait is rough.

What’s interesting is that I didn’t realize how much I’ve allowed this waiting place to stop me from functioning. I feel like I would be more productive if I had everything I needed right now. While being in the waiting place, I’ve gone into a slump. I feel like there’s nothing else to be done since I’m waiting. It feels strange and even stranger when I’m fully aware of it. It turns into this internal struggle ultimately leading to a nap. Which is not resourceful, if you asked me.

So how to change my mindset in my waiting place?

I think there are a million ways to change my mindset on waiting but Brain Pickings was the first place I started. And Brain Pickings gave me exactly what I needed. Let’s start here.

Waiting, as represented by silences, gaps, and distance, allows us the capacity to imagine that which does not yet exist and, ultimately, innovate into those new worlds as our knowledge expands.

Jason Farman taken from https://www.brainpickings.org/2018/12/17/jason-farman-delayed-response/

If I shift my mindset from there’s nothing I can do, to, I have so many things I can think up to get me excited about my future, maybe that will help. Let’s keep going. Jason Forman is also quoted here saying,

Waiting points to our desires and hopes for the future; and while that future may never arrive and our hopes may never be fulfilled, the act of reflecting on waiting teaches us about ourselves. 

Imagine that. Allowing this time to change me. I stepped into this month a person only slightly aware of her lack of waiting skills and will leave this month as a woman who waits better than she did before. This is getting more inspiring as we go. Glad we’re doing this together. Now for the two practical strategies to transform our waiting from a negative to a positive experience.

  • The first is to remember the positives of waiting. It’s easy to fall into a mindset where we feel like things should go our way, but it’s so valuable to find the upside to situations that don’t go the way we’d prefer them.
  • The second is to think of time as a collective thing, rather than distinct from one another. This mindset shift, she says, is empathetic. It’s a wonderful thing to wait a tad bit longer because you understand the situation of another person.
  • and for a bonus, I’ll add one of my own. It’s always important to focus on what you can control. You may not be able to control your waiting time but you can control how you use that time to your advantage. And since we’ve made it to the last strategy, I think we can both say, we’re starting in the right place; focused on changing our mindset.
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A Little Bit of Everything and Nothing

The way I see it, I’m the product of both my genetics and my environment. I’m not sure if I’m leaning more toward one than the other but I feel like I lean more toward my environment, than my genetics. Anyway, what I’m saying is I’m still learning who I am. Sometimes I feel like a little bit of everything and sometimes I feel like nothing. Not in a depressing morbid kind of way, but a water droplet in the ocean type of way. Sometimes I think I’m doing important things, then I remember not much of this matters at all. When I first started my journey, I’d swing back and forth between the two extremes. Lately though, I have maintained my center. There are important things that matter but there’s nothing that matters more than learning to accept myself so that I can better accept others.

According to Brain Pickings’ Maria Popova, in an article she wrote titled, “The Eternal Return: Nietzsche’s Brilliant Thought Experiment Illustrating the Key to Existential Contentment,”

Chance and choice converge to make us who we are, and although we may mistake chance for choice, our choices are the cobblestones, hard and uneven, that pave our destiny.

So while I initially thought it was just genes and environment that makes us who we are, Popova takes it a step further suggesting that our choices make us who we are. I’ve written about how our choices define us. And how it isn’t the choices we make in our past that define our future but the choices we make consciously and consistently in the present. Yes, the past impacts the future but you don’t need to be a prisoner of your past.

So if you were defined by your choices, the ones you’re making today, who would you be?

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Shoulders Back, Chin up





We all do things differently. There’s no one way to get to the finish line. There is suggestions on how to make the journey more enjoyable. There’s choices that could make it feel like you’re starting over but you’ll never start from the same place twice.

You may even get to a point in life where you have to rebuild. You may have to buy new materials but this time, you know what doesn’t work. And just because you’re starting over doesn’t mean you failed. The fact that you showed up for yourself, is sign that you’re doing better than you think.

On the flip side, trying something brand new, is hard. It’s scary and complex and can feel overwhelming. You might fail. You’re apt to make rookie mistakes because you’re a rookie and this is new but that doesn’t define who you are and it doesn’t define your future.

So whether you’re starting over or starting from scratch, be kind to yourself but most of all, forgive yourself for not knowing. Forgive yourself for knowing and not doing. Do better next time. But don’t quit.

The Authentic Lifestyle

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Years ago, I would have given up already. Years ago I would have never even started. I would left my dreams for someone else to do because I wasn’t confident enough to even try. Now that I have faced my demons (and still face them today), I have learned to use my sensitivity to propel me forward.

We all get sad sometimes but not all of us have the gall to admit it. We all have vulnerabilities but not everyone has the courage to use them to their advantage. When you do admit it, when you do use them to your advantage, I like to call that authenticity. Authenticity is so exciting and I personally feel it’s the act of pure acceptance. When you’re authentic, it’s not just acceptance of yourself, it’s acceptance of all those you share your true colors with.

 “Authenticity is about being true to who you are, even when everyone around you wants you to be someone else.” – Michael Jordan

Here’s some honesty, there are a lot things that hurt my feelings. There’s also a depth about me people may never understand. But what do those two things have to do with how I choose to live my life? Absolutely nothing. My feelings won’t stay hurt and the misunderstood parts of me will remain long after I’m gone. But you know what won’t be here long after I’m gone, my own life. So as a human being with a fire in her heart to write and the desire to accept individuals for who they are, (not who they could be), I will not ever stop pursuing my dreams. It’s not just some commitment I’ve made, it’s a part of me, my dreams are who I am.

Authenticity isn’t some personality trait you’re born with. It’s courageously showing up for yourself over and over again. It’s learning to let go of all the temporary things that don’t add to your life. So here I am now, authentic and ready to live my life how I choose.

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8 Ways To Fall Forward

1. Allow yourself to fall. Cry, scream, nap, do self care.

2. Get healthy. Healthy diet and exercise help with a healthy mind.

3. Talk it out. Find someone who is in a healthy place emotionally to talk it out.

4. Set goals to focus on for the next year. Not so focused they become a crutch just a means to move forward.

5. Surround yourself with communities that share your interests. 

6. Trust your gut. When something doesn’t feel right, trust that. Don’t let people take advantage of your vulnerable state. If they weren’t there through the struggle chances are they won’t be there through the healing.

7. Move forward. Stay away from environments that no longer serve you. Learn the signs and patterns of toxic behaviors and set boundaries immediately so you don’t end up in the same situations over and over again.

8. Learn to be ok alone. Become your own best friend. Learn yourself. Take up hobbies. Feed your brain.

 

 

The Art of Letting Go