Sharing my feelings

As long as I can put words to the way I feel, it’s free and open to the public. Unfortunately, living that way can frustrating because so many people are scared to share their own feelings.

Why would I continue to be so honest and care free with my thoughts and feelings knowing it leaves me vulnerable?

First, I know that sharing my feelings will give others the strength to share their own. Or help others to know they’re not alone in their own experiences.

Second, it helps me to have and set realistic expectations because over time expressing myself helps me learn what things bother me and what things make me smile.

And last but not least, when I’m finally around groups people who share their thoughts and feelings without fear, it’s so liberating for me. Makes me want to provide that space for people as well.

Why do you share your feelings or why don’t you?

Thought and Planned

Finally in love with me. From inside the depths of my soul to my roots of curls. I’ve waited so long to feel so healthy, so healed, and so ready to take on life. I thought and planned that by the time I got here I’d be celebrating with you. Maybe you weren’t meant to be part of this celebration. Maybe all the times you made me feel like shit for healing brought us to this.

Aw well, let the celebrating commence!!!

Bad Guys -On Writing

You -have- to love your monster.

Philippa Dowding, Everton Miles Is Stranger Than Me: The Night Flyer’s Handboo

I’m struggling to figure out who or what I want the bad guy to be in my short stories. In a huge chunk of my short stories I tended to make my narrator the bad guy, but maybe it’s time to switch roles. Maybe it’s time for my narrator to do some things right and set some things straight. However, when I start writing it, I’m going to have to be confident in my narrator and believe she’s capable of those things. And then there’s always why switch roles now? When did the roles reverse? And has my narrator collected enough souvenirs to be consistent in her new role. Either way, she’s madly in love with her monster which makes it hard to write him as the villain.

How do you create a villain you love in your stories?

Growing Pains

The earth opened up and pushed me over the edge. The dark was dark and only a seed of hope rested in my back pocket. Words swirled and spun around me, but I climbed and screamed and fought. I made it out and not one step was alone, even though at times I felt lonely. My nails were rugged and my gritted teeth cracked. But here I am, a little wiser, a little more gentle, and a lot more understanding.

Loyalty, where does it live and die?

I just want to throw this out there. I talk a lot of shit. I act like I’m rebellious and a rockstar, but it’s all a show. I f’n adore community and meeting people and learning people and supporting people. So yes, I like to go out. I like to dress sexy and feel pretty.

I like getting told I’m beautiful.

But at the end of the day, my family is my priority.

I love being home, hanging out, eating dinner together, and talking about our day. I love growing and building together. There was never a time that I wasn’t loyal to my home. There was only a time I put my home before individuals who weren’t ready to grow with me.

Everyone’s priorities are different when it comes to where their loyalty lives and dies. I am first loyal to my spiritual growth, then to my family, then my writing, then everything moves and jumbles around below those.

At times there are gray areas. When I reach those places, I make sure to communicate with my loved ones that I’m in an unknown area. I do my best to show full respect and honesty to my household during those times. It’s much harder to communicate when it’s an internal writing thing, but I try.

Where I struggle with loyalty is when to stop being loyal. Once I fully commit to someone or something, I take my loyalty to grave. So, I tend to stay loyal to people and places who no longer serve me. And that’s a problem. That’s not setting boundaries.

So todays writing will be inspired by my inner conflict with loyalty.