Passionate Seekers

Empty sex, soulless endeavors and failed attempts at trying to find ourselves somewhere buried beneath all the shit we were drowning in. He called me a bitch in front of the kid and I didn’t like that so I reached out and socked him right in the chin. “I don’t need this. Why am I even here?” Only I knew why I was there. He had this freedom my tiny inexperienced little fingers just wanted to grasp and never let go of. Only thing is his freedom came with a price he wasn’t willing to share. The previous day we were all cuddled up watching Nemo. Snacks mingled with kisses. Things were quiet and I told him why I liked him and he told me why he liked me. It’s for reasons I can’t recall because there’s something about toxic relationships that make the good times fade much quicker than the worst. You gotta dig a little deeper to find the nice girl hidden behind the slutty bitch. There was this one time we made dinner together, daughter in high chair, music on, and bare feet tapped against the black and white tiles. We danced and sang terrible lyrics and smiled in fear that tomorrow was nipping at our heels. And it nipped. I tell him he’s useless, he tells me I’m a whore. We go back and forth till the socking happened. Shitty, I know. That may have been one of those nights I lost a handful of pearls on the floor of some other guys bedroom. We just wanted the release, you know. I’m not sure either of us ever got it.

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This Black Lacey Number

 

Saschia Johnson

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Matters Of Love

The gates of my garden are left open to wanderers

They say I’m too friendly and I shouldn’t be so trusting

and that matters of love are a waste of time

But that just isn’t me

The roses have died and bloomed

dried out

been over watered and pruned too early

But come spring they show their rosey pink cheeks

as if none of those things

ever mattered.

-Saschia Johnson

 

 

New England Cafes

Sad

Some whiskey in a glass

I want to drink it but my belly hurts

There’s world issues

And positive thoughts

Out there

But it just hurts to smile

Secrets or not

Quitting is nipping at my heels

Have a drink with me

Let me forget for moment

This up-hill battle

Only i won’t because

How can i with tears in my eyes.

-Saschia Johnson

New England Cafes

not my business

is she black 
no she’s


⊕ white


 

is she loved by any other

than

the one that’s love is pure

?

it holds her down

*it- a woman, not a companion

Because companions required the stuff she didn’t

have to give

she buried them

along with pure love

in a grave

 

*it held her down

while he pounded

while he finished

 

only to call the next|                                                    |morning and ask

 

How’d you like it?

 

She, a business woman

couldn’t say

“me too”

because maybe he
changed maybe she’s

wrong

 

She changed though

no longer

purely loved no longer

a virgin

 

Held down by
strength

Held down by- not

a companion

 

-Saschia Johnson

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Skin Show

 

Love Notes from my Spine

I’m holding you up

like a puppet on a string

but you have to move your own arms and legs

You can do this, I shout from behind

I support your rapid decline

and slow ascension

Rolling down has momentum

it’s the act of Sisyphus that brings progress.

-Saschia Johnson

Sisyphus c.1870 by Sir Edward Coley Burne-Jones, Bt 1833-1898
Sisyphus c.1870 Sir Edward Coley Burne-Jones, Bt 1833-1898 Bequeathed by A.N. MacNicholl 1916 http://www.tate.org.uk/art/work/N03141

 

 

Featured Image:

Sir Edward Coley Burne-Jones, Bt

Connections

These hands write and write

Wandering into the crevices between my floor boards

I thought I heard a bed bug

It’s causing this insane itch

There’s a connection, I know it

Maybe it was that night with the Russian

The silly thing must want me to

teach it English.

Or it’s sent from a lover who’s

on the other side of the wind.

Maybe it bit Einstein cuz it

walks around whispering, “It’s all relative.”

As long as it doesn’t get under the wallpaper,

I’m sure I saw it wink when I swallowed that one man whole

I survived, and you must know,

Eating an entire man

Could kill you.

 

-Saschia Johnson

 

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Inspiration from

Henry Miller, Milorad Pavoc, Albert Einstein, Charlotte Perkins Gilman, and Silvia Plath

 

Wet books

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That smell of wet books and Chanel no 5
is no invitation
There are no arms open
stiff I freeze
Under my soles is the threshold
A cold door knob damp in my palm
Dead echoes haunt from behind
“Vanity!” they scream
A million hands reaching to save me from their sins
fingers grasping at my clothing
If only they would just listen
“hear me out!”
It’s no use their minds are with moons and times
sloshed together creating the great divide
“I’ll have no part!” I yell
stepping in
door closed behind
I’ll have no part that whisper left my mouth
slipping to the ground
I’ll have no part.

 

-Saschia Johnson