How many times today did you wish you were doing something else? How many times today did you say, “I don’t even want to be here.”
I was feeling that way a lot a few weeks ago. I finally said, “No! No more.” to that voice. I have spent years learning how to step away from the crowd. I have spent years learning to allow myself to say no to the things at take away value from my life. I didn’t put in all that work to show up to places that bring me down. I’m going to the places and people that bring me life!
Some people may think that philosophy is selfish. It’s not. My dreams, goals, and values aren’t things that would take away from someone else. Not one thing I desire will make someone go without. Not one of my values will make another human suffer. It’s me who will suffer if I don’t remain focused on those things. It is me who will feel less than.
I’ve been working through Artist’s Way (I only have a couple weeks left), and got stuck on chapter eight, Recovering a Sense of Strength. I don’t know what this chapter is about yet, but I think the title is a reminder that I need to reinforce my inner dialogue. I need to say no to the thoughts that are going to bring me down and take me away from enjoying the life that I’ve worked so hard to create for myself, the future I’m currently creating, and the present that I want to be part of so badly.
I’m grateful and happy for where my life is. I wasn’t always happy. I didn’t know I was allowed to be. I didn’t know I was allowed to have Sundays to myself to clean and think and read and sleep. It’s so silly how the world wants us going going going. I just want to enjoy my life.