I did a lot of driving in the car today so I had time to think. It was nice and also it was sooo cool in the A/C. So I’ve been thinking about the ways I limit myself from doing what I love by waiting for a better time to do it. I’m the writer who waits for consistency in childcare to really get down and dirty with my writing. But these past two days, with the little one home, I’ve allowed myself more time to focus on the story. Since I’ve been prioritizing my novel for two days, it’s made me realize the avoidance is more than just waiting for consistent child care. It’s because I’m almost at 60k words and I’m correcting inconsistencies and timeline errors. It’s like putting together a puzzle and it feels like all the little pieces are spread out far and wide. Most inconsistencies have easy fixes. Some require me to move, rewrite, or omit scenes. It just feels like I have to read and correct a million words which overwhelms me every time I sit down to edit; especially when I just finish correcting a scene. It’s like I have to dive back into deep dark waters from the shallow end where I was perfectly comfortable. I’m still editing and rewriting everyday but it does hinder my pace when I don’t acknowledge myself being overwhelmed.
How I’m going to work through this
It will require me being honest with myself to. Yes it’s hard without consistent childcare and I respect that. But I also respect that this book is going to be what I have to share with the world and it deserves my time and efforts. I deserve my time and effort. So I’m going to make sure I’m respecting my life as a writer.
Jayne.press 