A Little Bit of Everything and Nothing

The way I see it, I’m the product of both my genetics and my environment. I’m not sure if I’m leaning more toward one than the other but I feel like I lean more toward my environment, than my genetics. Anyway, what I’m saying is I’m still learning who I am. Sometimes I feel like a little bit of everything and sometimes I feel like nothing. Not in a depressing morbid kind of way, but a water droplet in the ocean type of way. Sometimes I think I’m doing important things, then I remember not much of this matters at all. When I first started my journey, I’d swing back and forth between the two extremes. Lately though, I have maintained my center. There are important things that matter but there’s nothing that matters more than learning to accept myself so that I can better accept others.

According to Brain Pickings’ Maria Popova, in an article she wrote titled, “The Eternal Return: Nietzsche’s Brilliant Thought Experiment Illustrating the Key to Existential Contentment,”

Chance and choice converge to make us who we are, and although we may mistake chance for choice, our choices are the cobblestones, hard and uneven, that pave our destiny.

So while I initially thought it was just genes and environment that makes us who we are, Popova takes it a step further suggesting that our choices make us who we are. I’ve written about how our choices define us. And how it isn’t the choices we make in our past that define our future but the choices we make consciously and consistently in the present. Yes, the past impacts the future but you don’t need to be a prisoner of your past.

So if you were defined by your choices, the ones you’re making today, who would you be?

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Stop Giving Up on Yourself

There are so many times we are just at the edge of a breakthrough and we walk away. It’s funny, we sit here and say, “I want to reach for the stars. I want breakthroughs.” But when the time comes to sit through the pain, we can’t take it. We step away. We find something to appease our anxiety. And we have no idea that that moment we couldn’t sit through, was our opportunity to face our moment of truth.

Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.

Mary Tyler Moore

I admit it, when I’m writing and my anxiety gets high, I automatically step away and look for a snack. It’s wired in me. It’s wired in all of us. When our brain senses that a situation can cause some sort of discomfort, it tells us that our best option is to step away. And we listen. Maybe more times than we should. But here I am reminding you to stick it out. Sit and focus and don’t stop till you feel the breakthrough. I promise you, it’s there. I promise you, it’s coming. And I can guarantee you that if you are super uncomfortable, you’re in the right starting place. Keep going.

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Shoulders Back, Chin up

We all do things differently. There’s no one way to get to the finish line. There is suggestions on how to make the journey more enjoyable. There’s choices that could make it feel like you’re starting over but you’ll never start from the same place twice.

You may even get to a point in life where you have to rebuild. You may have to buy new materials but this time, you know what doesn’t work. And just because you’re starting over doesn’t mean you failed. The fact that you showed up for yourself, is sign that you’re doing better than you think.

On the flip side, trying something brand new, is hard. It’s scary and complex and can feel overwhelming. You might fail. You’re apt to make rookie mistakes because you’re a rookie and this is new but that doesn’t define who you are and it doesn’t define your future.

So whether you’re starting over or starting from scratch, be kind to yourself but most of all, forgive yourself for not knowing. Forgive yourself for knowing and not doing. Do better next time. But don’t quit.

True Colors

I let my tongue hang
and wiggle symbols
I wear comfort in stilettos
and my heart on the doorknob
There’s no real wild
it’s just real human
expressed everyday
and in so many ways
I feel left out
I feel eager
I feel purpose and hope
I feel so many things
Why leave these pieces of me out
when I can be every single one of them

Saschia Johnson

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The Authentic Lifestyle

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Years ago, I would have given up already. Years ago I would have never even started. I would left my dreams for someone else to do because I wasn’t confident enough to even try. Now that I have faced my demons (and still face them today), I have learned to use my sensitivity to propel me forward.

We all get sad sometimes but not all of us have the gall to admit it. We all have vulnerabilities but not everyone has the courage to use them to their advantage. When you do admit it, when you do use them to your advantage, I like to call that authenticity. Authenticity is so exciting and I personally feel it’s the act of pure acceptance. When you’re authentic, it’s not just acceptance of yourself, it’s acceptance of all those you share your true colors with.

 “Authenticity is about being true to who you are, even when everyone around you wants you to be someone else.” – Michael Jordan

Here’s some honesty, there are a lot things that hurt my feelings. There’s also a depth about me people may never understand. But what do those two things have to do with how I choose to live my life? Absolutely nothing. My feelings won’t stay hurt and the misunderstood parts of me will remain long after I’m gone. But you know what won’t be here long after I’m gone, my own life. So as a human being with a fire in her heart to write and the desire to accept individuals for who they are, (not who they could be), I will not ever stop pursuing my dreams. It’s not just some commitment I’ve made, it’s a part of me, my dreams are who I am.

Authenticity isn’t some personality trait you’re born with. It’s courageously showing up for yourself over and over again. It’s learning to let go of all the temporary things that don’t add to your life. So here I am now, authentic and ready to live my life how I choose.

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