The gates of her garden are left open to wanderers
They say she’s too friendly and she shouldn’t be so trusting
that matters of love are a waste of time
But that isn’t her
The roses died and bloomed
and dried out
They’ve been over watered,
pruned too early,
and forgotten,
But come spring they show their rosy pink faces
As if all those things
could have destroyed a blooming rose
-Saschia Johnson
From time to time I think of you
From minute to minute you cross my mind
From hour to hour I’m lost in our fantasies
If I stopped I might lose you
So I leave myself little reminders
Moons and doors
and stars as big as your eyes
The truth is I don’t need reminders
But they bring me closer to you
-Sasch
The minute you choose to heal from your past
there’s going to be a million reasons not to.
There’s going to be a million distractions.
Everything that comes up in place of healing is going to feel better and taste better and look so much better than what it is you have to heal from
If healing was easy
Anyone would do it
You had enough courage to make the leap
Now show some bone and fight until your fears are looking you in the eye
Don’t lose focus about why you lept in the first place
I have copy and pasted some different viewpoints on Codependency. Codependency looks normal in a society that sweeps mental health under the carpet. Makes me want to print this out and tape it to my wall for when I feel a bout of reactivity taking over my brain space.
Accodring to Wikipedia, “Codependency is a behavioral condition in a relationship where one person enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity.”
According to Psychology Today, “Growing up with an unreliable or unavailable parent means taking on the role of caretaker and/or enabler. A child in this situation puts the parent’s needs first. Dysfunctional families do not acknowledge that problems exist. As a result, its members repress emotions and disregard their own needs to focus on the needs of the unavailable parent(s). When the “parentified” child becomes an adult, he or she repeats the same dynamic in their adult relationships.”
According to PositivePsychology.com, “The main consequence of codependency is that “[c]odependents, busy taking care of others, forget to take care of themselves, resulting in a disturbance of identity development” (Knudson & Terrell, 2012).
What does codependency actually look like? Some of the things that have been found to correlate with codependency include (Marks et al., 2012):
Untrustworthy eye
Looks
At my outsides
My integrity unquestioned by me
But the eye what does it think?
My choices, conformed?
No, not conformed
Wait
There’s a blur
A space in which maybe
I’d do things a little different
if the lense did not exist
I make calls
to persuade the lense to look away
The things that once brought me meaning
still bring meaning
The pressure only added value
now they glisten
and blind me and turn me over
as if I’ll never be good enough for them
but I still value those things
the things that once had meaning
and still do
-Saschia
1. Allow yourself to fall. Cry, scream, nap, do self care.
2. Get healthy. Healthy diet and exercise help with a healthy mind.
3. Talk it out. Find someone who is in a healthy place emotionally to talk it out.
4. Set goals to focus on for the next year. Not so focused they become a crutch just a means to move forward.
5. Surround yourself with communities that share your interests.
6. Trust your gut. When something doesn’t feel right, trust that. Don’t let people take advantage of your vulnerable state. If they weren’t there through the struggle chances are they won’t be there through the healing.
7. Move forward. Stay away from environments that no longer serve you. Learn the signs and patterns of toxic behaviors and set boundaries immediately so you don’t end up in the same situations over and over again.
8. Learn to be ok alone. Become your own best friend. Learn yourself. Take up hobbies. Feed your brain.
While the world wastes away on a monotonous routine
step outside of it all and kiss me hard.
Don’t kiss me hard only after everything is falling apart
Kiss me hard when everything is going right
There’s no point in waiting
This is what life is:
connections, honesty, bravery
Show up, kiss me.
It’s not always easy,
but it makes life worth living
And these days it seems we need more reasons
to stay alive.
-Sasch
There are a million people that will love you and see you the way I do.
You are not stuck with one person
they are not the only one who can understand you.
But it is your job to understand you.
When you understand you and accept you
it doesn’t matter so much when others don’t
And then when those few people come along
who want to know every inch of the folds inside your skull
you’ll be able to tell them who you are
the idea of listening to you talk about who you were
and who you are
and who you wish to become
sounds like a conversation that’d peel me right open
let’s talk
I finally feel the energy I’ve craved
I feel this tingle in my toes
Ready to go go go
I want to reach goals
I want to give hope
I feel my strength returning
It gives me the courage to lose
To fail
I’ve burned my backpack full of grief
And pushed life out of me
I am alive
I am free
I am healthy
I am determined to finish building the life I dreamed of.
♡Saschia
