Under The Knife

Fear’s shadow lingers in the crack below the door

I keep that door locked

Even though sometimes it swings wide open

I pace by it from time to time

But I don’t even touch the handle

I hate to twiddle my thumbs

While I think up the worst case scenario

I don’t even like to talk about it

But maybe if I share

You’ll see it too

and then

In front of our eyes

The door will disappear

-Saschia

Fear is healthy and normal but it’s not meant to control your entire life.

Ruined

The makeup drips down her face

Black tears

There’s more to all this

She knows it

She feels it in her bones

Even though it was wrong

She knows that too

But there was this push much stronger than before

An urge she’s never felt

She wasn’t herself or was she

Is this what being alive feels like?

It comes and goes, that feeling

Alive, is fighting the urge. It’s the torment you feel when you walk away. When he walks away. That is the alive. But, to give in, to go wherever you are pushed, that is no more than a dead leaf in the wind. Stripped from the branches. Stripped from life itself.

This moment you have as a dead leaf is your chance to fall apart, to sink into the soil, and to become part of the regrowth next spring.

You are not ruined

-Saschia