To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.Β
Tony Robbins
Communication is hard work. What could go wrong if you share too much of your personal life? What could go right? As a writer and blogger I often share personal things I’m struggling with or have struggled with. Outside of my blog, I do my best to make sure I’m in an appropriate environment and decide what stories to share from there. Stories can shape the way we look at a person in good and bad ways. Tell a great story at the wrong moment and you could ruin someone’s day. Tell a decent story at a great time and you could lift someone’s spirit for days -heck maybe for a lifetime.
Lately, when it comes to communication, I’ve been trying my best to communicate and set healthy boundaries for myself. When it comes to communicating boundaries some people will have no understanding as to why you set those boundaries. Which is where the challenge comes in for me. I’m still figuring out how much to explain as to why I’ve created the habit of setting that boundary. What’s the best policy when setting boundaries? Should we explain why we set those boundaries or should we set our boundaries and leave it at that?
Any Suggestions?
Jayne.press 
For me personally, boundaries don’t need to be black and white, and should be invisible. I don’t really have a concept of ‘boundaries’, but rather it comes down to feeling of each particular context and the person I am talking to, as to how much is shared in either direction. If I am speaking to someone who is giving off egotistical vibes and is just talking at me, then everything shuts down and I get out as soon as possible. If I’m speaking to an empathetic person, then if they are showing interest in my story and even asking questions, or I think my story can help them, then I’ll share more with that person, beginning with a shorter version of it, allowing them to ask for more detail.
If I’m speaking to someone who’s clearly struggling/in pain, or keen to tell their story but not dominating the conversation, then I’ll give a lot more leeway and time in listening to what they have to say.
I do sometimes wonder if I am becoming an ‘energy vampire’ in certain situations, and check myself, as that is my worst nightmare lol. For me that’s most a risk when you have two empathetic people talking, as things can spiral out of control. Then you have to be proactive about managing the flow and keeping things on track, and recognising the natural point to move on.
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But yeah I can’t really think of a situation in which your ‘boundaries’ become visible to others. The only thing I can think of is if someone is encouraging you to talk about/do something against your will? That tends to happen more with younger people and thankfully has phased out the older I get.
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interesting. Well, that’s something to look forward to.
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Thank you for sharing all this. I can relate to so much of what you shared here. Feeling out the vibes, speaking when asked, listening when needed. I was hoping for some feedback so I’m so glad you took the time share your thoughts about all this.
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