But You

You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.
Brene Brown

There’s going to be days when you screw up. I don’t like those days, most of us don’t. On those days I want to crawl into a hole and hide until it all blows over.

Believe it or not, I used to shame myself with my own weird self-punishing rituals like not allowing myself my favorite foods, or not allowing myself the tiny joys that I would allow myself to have on good days. But over the last 10 years, I’ve learned to accept myself with all the silly little flaws I come with. Now bad days are the days I treat myself especially if my mistake is really bringing me down.

In order for me to have gotten to that point, I had to realize that sometimes my mistakes feel like giants, when in reality they aren’t as big and bad as I’m making them out to be. Also the toxic environments I allowed myself to stay in, swelled my silly little mistakes to be bigger than they were. These moments can feel very big, but misunderstandings are part of language and communication. So is forgetting. So is accidentally crossing a boundary that’s new to you. Whatever it is, it’s part of learning those around us and learning ourselves. It’s all about what you’re doing to learn from it.

So since learning all this, I do my best to add to environments in positive ways. It took me a long time to unlearn self-punishing. I don’t want to add to anyone else’s overbearing inner disciplinarian. If they have one, great, they don’t need me to punish them.

We are all still worthy of love and acceptance with all our struggles and flaws.

Pain with Patience

It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience.

Julius Caesar

Wow, that’s a bold statement.

There are some ways I’m pretty patient. It’s mostly with people. Other ways I have very little patience. Waiting for someone to stop feeding me excuse my language, bullsh*t is one thing that’s really hard for me. Then there’s writing a novel, wooo-weee the patience required here is tough. The uncertainty is killer. Some days I’m like heck yes I’m going to finish this book this year! I think it’s ok to have confident days. Makes it much easier to endure. Then there’s days where I’m questioning whether I’ll ever be finished with it. Does that make me prefer to focus on projects that I can actually finish? Yes, yes it does.

I think what the point is though, is that I’m still invested in my writing. The slow process still counts as writing. I don’t want to just write one book and fizzle away. I want to write many books and touch the sky.

Let’s keep going.

Mediums

Literature is one of the most interesting and significant expressions of humanity.

P. T. Barnum

I like art. I like most mediums (some gorey things not so much). So what I’m saying is, I can’t even come close to agreeing that literature is the most interesting or significant form of expression. There’s too many creative ways to express yourself to appreciate only one medium. So I share this quote as a reminder that first, we don’t have to agree with every quote out there and second, let whatever piques your interest be you guide for a time. And then give yourself room to find new things or stick with your favorite.

Joy for the Sake of Joy

Joy for the sake of joy is a simple but powerful way to live a happier and more fulfilling life.

Bard the AI

Have you tried flavored honey? There’s a place I went to with the family that has all sorts of honey flavors! I’m talking honey mustard or dark chocolate honey, to your traditional Clove honey. My daughter lit up and asked if we could go honey tasting and of course I said yes. If it brings her joy, why not? So I walked over with her and a friend and between the three of us we must have tasted almost every single flavor! So we leave buzzing and excited about our day. I’d like to remember this day. We were so busy tasting we forgot to take pictures. And that’s how you know we were fully immersed in the experience.

Thank you Daughter for adding so much sweetness to my life, I’ll forever be grateful for your existence.

Hope and Saving Lives

No, I’m not interested in politics. I have zero interest. I have interest in hope and people.

Jay-Z

I don’t listen to enough Jay-Z but I can appreciate these words for what they are right here. I do appreciate hope in most things. What is there if we don’t envision a better future for ourselves and our children and those to come. The root of my drive resides in hope (and faith and love). There was a time I lost hope but it wasn’t until I surrendered that things began to work in my favor. There’s a lot worth fighting for but there’s times when surrendering wins the battle. Those times are the times that we’ve grasped too tightly to the wheel, to our need for control. I took a course the other day called Stop the Bleed, and while we were practicing on the dummies we learned that we get tired very quickly while performing these life saving actions. That we have to delegate those around us to help us save lives. This isn’t about delegation though, it’s about being prepared to let those around you step in when it’s time, so that you can work together much longer than you would if you were alone. Learning to let go is scary but it truly can save lives (and I’m not just talking about stop the bleed here).

Creators

To create one’s world in any of the arts takes courage.

Georgia O’Keeffe

I think to create ones world in general takes courage. We are taught in so many ways that creation is outside of us. That creation resides in anything but the human soul. I think this diminishes our humanity. We were made in the image of God. We are holy and set apart. That doesn’t mean we create God but it does mean we can create great things, especially from within ourselves. It does get under my skin a little bit when people give away their power. But then again, I’m still learning my own.

Let’s Take Some Time

to appreciate this Pocahontas song.

“What I love most about rivers is
You can’t step in the same river twice
The water’s always changing, always flowing
But people, I guess, can’t live like that
We all must pay a price
To be safe, we lose our chance of ever knowing
What’s around the riverbend
Waiting just around the riverbend

I look once more
Just around the riverbend
Beyond the shore
Where the gulls fly free
Don’t know what for
What I dream, the day might send
Just around the riverbend
For me
Coming for me

I feel it there beyond those trees
Or right behind these waterfalls
Can I ignore that sound of distant drumming?
For a handsome sturdy husband
Who builds handsome sturdy walls
And never dreams that something might be coming
Just around the riverbend
Just around the riverbend

I look once more
Just around the riverbend
Beyond the shore
Somewhere past the sea
Don’t know what for
Why do all my dreams extend
Just around the riverbend?
Just around the riverbend

Should I choose the smoothest course
Steady as the beating drum?
Should I marry Kocoum?
Is all my dreaming at an end?
Or do you still wait for me, dream giver
Just around the riverbend?”

I needed this inspiration today! Don’t forget to think about your dreams.

I appreciate this song so much more as an adult. Having a million dreams simultaneously was normal as a child but people places and spaces sure do have it them to beat you down until you willingly live someone else’s dream. What’s strange is there’s enough here for everyone to live their best life. I hope this song inspires you to think about your dreams today a little bit more than you did yesterday.

Time


The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.

Albert Einstein

I appreciate having some structure and order in my life. I also appreciate when things happen in a nice linear fashion, but we don’t always get those options. Time is an interesting thing. I like to think about Einstein’s theories on time and I like discussing time with people I feel comfortable around. It’s been a while since I’ve read up on them though. Just think people with near death experiences say how they see their life flash before their eyes seconds before the accident happens. It’s taken me thirty minutes just to think about what to write on this blog post.

Curiosity Went Missing

Research is formalized curiosity. It is poking and prying with a purpose.

Zora Neale Hurston

Well, that’s an inviting way to think about research. I truly enjoy research. It lights my fire and helps me better understand the world around me. Research inspires me to read and write more than anything else ever has. Just set me free and let me explore all the books and articles I can get my greedy little hands on. Makes me wonder if maybe I should be finding a problem to research so I can have my curiosity back. Well, there’s always problems to solve and questions to ask but it’s figuring out the right that takes the most time.