I love Valentines day. I love the hearts and the pink things and all the romance. I tried for a little while to not like it, but it is just a holiday I love. I always hear guys saying, “It’s a Hallmark holiday, blah blah blah.” But why would you not want a designated day that you get to show the one you adore that you love them. Why would you not want to do that collectively? That’s what’s nice about holidays that most of your community celebrates, celebrating together. I’m going to celebrate it this year, just like I have been because it makes me smile. Maybe I’ll even plan an art date with myself for Valentines Day. If I do, I’ll try my best to share my day with you guys.
Playdoh with my daughters was fun tonight. My youngest got playdoh for Christmas. She was excited to play with it. I played with her so we could have some time together and then my oldest joined in. Something about playdoh with the kids that makes me feel like a good mom.
Even with all the extra snuggles, I haven’t been feeling like the best mom since I’ve gotten sick but tonight has been real nice. We listened to music while making playdoh pizzas and cookies sitting at the dinning room table.
We all used our imaginations in our very own worlds together. Together but separate. My natural instinct is to compare us playing with playdoh together, with writing. The only way I can compare the two, is that both require imagination and an invitation to pretend together.
Today I watched a cold case that got solved 27 years later. The technology we have today to identify DNA helped confirm the killer. The killer wrote a book about how he was a changed man and stopped committing crimes. There was no rhyme or reason to why he chose the couple he chose. They were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. While watching, I was snuggled up with my husband trying to escape from feeling like shit. It worked. Anything to distract from the pains of covid is welcomed in my opinion.
It’s crazy how you never know when your last day will be. But it’s also motivating. Think about your values and honor them while you can. My family is one of my top values so the little bouts of energy that I get, I share with them right now. I’m not saying this to invoke living in fear. I won’t live in fear. I say this because sometimes I need to remember that tomorrow isn’t promised so I can intentionally honor my values, love myself, and love my loved ones.
A memento mori is what they call it.
Today I got a good chunk of editing done. There’s still some scenes that could flow better timewise. And some confusing parts I have to bring order to, but it felt good to have a good editing session. It’s scary writing a novel. It’s an adventure for sure. I’m feeling a little discouraged with the amount of time it has taken to get this thing done and I definitely don’t have the same energy for it as when I first started writing it. But today I had some decent energy for it. And it felt good.
Anie-Ma has reached a point in her mentoring where she has to decide whether to listen to someone else’s idea of what teaching should look like verses what she wants teaching to look like. She doesn’t stick to her own style and has a great deal of regret afterwards.
Maybe I got so much editing done because this part of the book is something I can relate to. Or maybe it’s because I’m finally getting my energy back. Anyways sometimes writing feels really good.
I don’t know what it is about being sick but I’m so emotional lately. I cry watching every movie and documentary. It’s nice to have feelings. It’s nice to not be numb but wowzer. lol
When I first got the covid I was battling some negative thoughts. More like discouraging thoughts like feeling like I’m never going to accomplish anything or make my family proud.
I knew those thoughts weren’t true and it took me some firm words of affirmation to get through it. It is discouraging getting sick. As a mom of a young one, I feel like I’m always sick. And when I’m sick again, I just feel like I lose handle on all the things I need to get done for everything I’m managing. This is where the negative thoughts come from. But I’ve accepted that I need to rest and focus on getting better and taking care of myself. It’s important to me that we allow ourselves as human beings, to be cared for.
So with my emotions running wild and my negative thoughts under control, I want to remind you that you are more than just a buggy meatsack. You are so worthy of all 2022 has to offer you. You are worthy even when you’re so sick you can barely move. Taking care of yourself in a world that works you to the bone is a brave act. Rest like your life depends on it, because it does. 2022 needs all those gifts you have to offer.
I’ve gotten in so many snuggles with my family. I don’t think I let myself snuggle with them enough. I have so much going on, that snuggling can feel suffocating. But since we’ve been home sick, it’s been snuggle heaven.
On another note, my mom has been amazing, coming over and making sure we eat and helping with the girls. My oldest has been an amazing helper too. It’s terrible we’re all sick but I’m just so grateful for the support we’ve gotten.
I’m definitely ready to feel better though.
I hope these sick snuggles turn to healthy snuggles and we continue to grow as a happy healthy family.
According to Oxford University biologist Kathrine Wulff,
“If people are left to their naturally preferred times, they feel much better. They say that they are much more productive. The mental capacity they have is much broader,” says Oxford University biologist Katharina Wulff, who studies chronobiology and sleep. On the other hand, she says, pushing people too far out of their natural preference can be harmful. When they wake early, for example, night owls are still producing melatonin. “Then you disrupt it and push the body to be in the daytime mode. That can have lots of negative physiological consequences,” Wulff says, like a different sensitivity to insulin and glucose – which can cause weight gain.Amanda Ruggeri at BBC.com
Not only are some individuals morning people and some are night owls, but there’s a clear difference in the way their brains work.
Research shows that morning versus evening types show a classic left-brain versus right-brain division: more analytical and cooperative versus more imaginative and individualistic.
You can be a successful night owl. As a matter of fact, according to this article, you’re better off respecting your natural state rather than trying to force yourself into a state that is not natural for you.
Researchers also points out that because evening types often have to function when their bodies don’t want to, it makes sense that they may have worse moods or lower life satisfaction.
With life satisfaction of youth at a significant low due to the negative impacts of covid, I think right now is the best time to respect individuals natural states. Night owls are not less ambitious, not lazy, and not broken. They deserve the same respect as early risers.
So don’t be offended when someone can’t function when you can. It has nothing to do with you and it has more to do with their biology than it does what they want to do. It took me a long time to accept that I was not a morning person. I was always jealous of people at my job who showed up bright eyed and bushy tailed with packed lunches. When I finally came to terms with the fact that I’m not cut out for those hours and that environment, I stepped into who I truly was and who I truly wanted to be.
I dreamed for a long time of being someone different than who I am today. But who I am today is unapologetically me and it’s the most liberated I’ve felt in my life.
I’m going into the new year so sick. There’s a lot of us sick out here so I know I’m not alone, but this is rough. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be feeling better.
Here’s an old poem of mine called Love Song
I admire his persistence
and oh, how his howling soothes
like the thumping inside her womb
those vibrating drums birthed from her mouth
I admire his persistence
how her beats stretch across his howl
The night twinkles
bare, bare, bare, with dull blood
Dance in her womb, crawl on your knees, eyes shut
A mighty hand guides you to the unknown
It’s a new year. So what if it’s going to be the same ole shit, take some time to enjoy yourself a little bit. Whatever that looks like for you. A night off of cleaning, binge your fav show, a glance at the stars, anything.
The new year celebration doesn’t have rules. We can make it up. My household is sick. I’m feeling pretty bad so I’ve spent the day resting and finishing up Handmaid’s Tale.
We have people to live for. I think that’s something worth taking into account during our silly little celebrations.
We all have our spaces where we are most productive. It’s interesting, some people can’t get any work done at home. And others could never imagine getting their work done in a busy coffee shop. We all work best in our own way, doing our own thing.
I prefer to work in coffee shops and libraries. But I need to be able to have a snack and a drink nearby while I type. I’ve heard some others don’t allow themselves a snack until they finish their writing. I personally need more encouragement than that to keep going.
I’m always interested in other writers routines and spaces. I don’t have much of a writing space these days. I write where ever I can find the space because it’s usually a desperate attempt to get it all out before 12am. Getting it done before 12 is my only rule. I mean there’s gotta be some pressure, right? Here’ some other writers and their writing processes.
EB White wrote in his living room and disliked writing with music playing in the background.
Ernest Hemmingway wrote first thing in the morning when it was a cool temperature and appreciated warming up while he wrote.
Maya Angelou got herself hotel rooms and brough cards and crosswords to occupy what she called her little mind so her big mind could work on the deep concepts she wanted to write about.
It’s so wild how we all operate in our own creative spaces.
What is your routine? Do you relate to any of these routines?