I don’t believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive. — Joseph Campbell
I have spent far too long waiting for my life to finally begin.
We are going to die, and I refuse to live one more minute of my life keeping my mouth shut in order not to ruffle any feathers. If my mouth ruffles your feathers, get out of the way because this mouth isn’t going to close. I’m going to say exactly how I feel. I’m going to explain why I’m upset. I’m going to walk away from the things that try to make me smaller than I was when I woke up. I’m not hiding my voice anymore.
Joseph Campbell said,
The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure.
I’m going to say yes to being alive. I’m going to dive headfirst out of a plane in the sky. I’m going to approach the tough topics no one else wants to talk about. I’m not just going to approach them I’m going to rip those topics out of everyone’s minds and place them front and center so they have nothing else to look at but the ugly truth.
Being alive for me means walking down as many paths as I can. Finding as many stories as I can. And bringing people along with me here and there for the ride. We’re here, on this flying rock together, but most of the searching is done alone. My only interests in life are for my own growth, to admire the growth of others, and to do it all with as much hard work and enjoyment at possible.
I sign off with words from the great Hunter Thompson,
Buy the ticket, take the ride.
Life sucks, but in a beautiful kind of way.” — Axl Rose
Life can be a fucker. It can destroy everything you thought you had in an instant. It could take all your hard work and set it on fire leaving you standing there with tears in your eyes watching as it turns to ash.
Life doesn’t care about you. Life isn’t a being. You are a being. You are the one that feels what life takes from you. And you are the one that puts in the effort and hard work to create everything you’ve dreamed of.
And that’s what makes you great. The fact that you are aware of your effort and hard work. The fact that you feel so broken when your hard work goes up in flames and burns to ash right in front of your eyes, is the gift. Sometimes it’s hard work, sometimes it’s just life mowing you down to your last nerve. But you feel it.
That fact that you feel it means
Take away the dishes
And you’re left with
Who dreams of sowing thought
And empathy back into our existence
She grasps for words
She grasps for experiences
She falls she rises
Over and over again
She is a woman
She is an entire future stitched together with all the labels she’s out grown
I’m sorry you’ve been plucked from your eternal slumber
And brought here to this god-forsaken planet but
I needed a playmate
So play with me
Hop with me
from lillypad to lillypad
Build an army of gingerbread men
Or live in a palace made of one of your favorite things
Please, play with me
Today I decided to go into a fantasy world in my writing. I finished writing about the rough stuff and decided to write about how I feel when I’m loved. Of course it probably looks chaotic and a little unreal but when I’m loved that’s how my world feels. It feels like I could do anything. And you know what, it’s crazy how much more motivated I feel when I choose to love me. Loving me also opens my heart to let others love me and that is the connection we all crave, right, to love and be loved.
I am loving myself by writing this post and also writing encouraging words on my other social media platforms. How do you love yourself?
This past month, I have been taking time to recall my past year. It’s been tough to feel like I’m putting myself through the past again, but in September, while I was going through a rough patch, I found myself diving headfirst into a lot of pieces I wrote over the years. Hearing how I felt in different situations gave me perspective and helped me to heal myself. I also began to go through a lot of my old Facebook posts. I truly thank past Saschia for the encouragement she constantly poured out. So from here on out, I’m going to make sure I record my current thoughts and feelings even if in my present moment they seem insignificant. Also, I’m going to post on my social media as if I’m speaking to my future self so that when the time comes, I’ll have someone telling me exacly what I need to hear when I need to hear it. So basically, writing and posting my feelings in the present moment is loving myself. Did you write today?
You don’t need to understand
The stars lit me up
And lined my pockets
The dancing wisked me away
And spun me up
They won’t leave
They lift me over the fence
Over the moon
They dig my grave
And soak my bones
I wriggled out of my skin
And danced under the sunlight
I let the world fall away
To embrace the woman
I’ve worked so hard to become
The floodgates opened
And washed away all my worries
In that moment
I was free