A Distant Symphony

There’s this tiny space inside me. It has a tiny door with a button handle. A button you’d sew on a shirt. It was a fancy gold one. Round and shiny. I could hear music playing from the other side so I got on all fours and placed my ear right up against it. The music didn’t grow louder it stayed as distant but I could see flickers of light dancing just below the door. Then the smell of cookies and gasoline and cupcakes and charcoal intertwined in my nostrils. It was conflicting but curious. There was only one way to solve this. I had to turn the gold button knob and open the door to that tiny place inside me.

My Fairy

There’s a fairy who guards my heart

speaks to me through the quill

She sees what my heart wants

And can sometimes take over

This space doesn’t fit the both of us

She wants things I’d never

And I she’d never

You can imagine the struggle we have

Sharing this vessel

Her smile is sly and makes me feel cute

And her eyes

those look up when my chin’s down

She’s feisty

and rampage is her middle name

I kicked her right out one morning

She had me out drinking

Shots of Crown and mixed it with,

 

I don’t even remember

She kissed boys and told them all my secrets

So I told her she’s no longer welcomed

She cried and cried

Then I did too

But I was serious

she had to go

I held my lip and I held my ground

She left lightly a closing door the only sound

 

A draft came in the window

what happened next was unbelievable

Goose bumps lined my arms and legs

And a cold ache seeped from my bones

My legs started to chatter

And then my teeth

I climbed into bed and just couldn’t leave

The skin on my bones went saggy and wrinkled

My mind became a black hole

all things got

Sucked into

and never returned

My cheeks went hollow

and my pupils grew tiny

I had lost so much energy

I couldn’t even beg her to come back to me

 

but she came back all on her own

She fed me bathed me

and coaxed me out of bed

Slowly the black hole dissolved

Till it was as if she’d never left

and now we’re here doing nothing

but writing  our co-existence into life.

-Saschia Johnson

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