Tag: lovers

That Kind of Night

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The blankets, slept in. The air thick with smoke from the magical stuff that turns your mind inward, too inward if you let it. I wouldn’t know, I’m more of a bore. The stale sweat rubs me in every wrong way while I tell myself I’m there for some divine reason. A few drops of blood drip from the crown of his head. Flashes of sex. Flashes of nude bones and rolling hills course through me like biblical visions from above. I don’t dare ask. And here he comes with all the magic and an entire universe behind his eyes that a few of us are lucky enough to see. I respect you, is what I wish to say. I like you- like you, is what I wish to say, but instead I talk about Chipotle. I want him and he wants me but I want more. The stink of stale sex and that feeling of whether he’ll be there tomorrow plagues me enough without it. “Not tonight, okay?” And that was ok. And it was ok. Like it should be. But it’s not the sex that connect us. The sadness that sits inside him reaches the depths of hell and the arms he wraps me in feel like the sun and the moon. He is an entire universe I’ll only ever leave in body because my mind wanders towards him in the most sacred ways. So sacred, it doesn’t feel right.

Change Reveals You

Jayne2 Comments

Change Reveals You

Let It

You’ve heard it all before, change is good, change is inevitable. Yada yada yada. I’m not here to tell you anything new. I’m here to tell you that you’re going to make it through. Yea, change is constant, we know that, but we don’t always get the encouragement we need to allow ourselves to change. You are capable of positive change. You are capable of sitting still and letting it happen.

Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.
― John Green, 

It’s not going to be easy but the best things in life never are. So think about what you want to come from these changes. Think about where you want to go. Think about how you’re going to impact others with your change. When you look at change with these questions in mind, you allow change to slough away the parts that you no longer need

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Stitched Together

Jayne6 Comments

From time to time I think of you

From minute to minute you cross my mind

From hour to hour I’m lost in our fantasies

If I stopped I might lose you

So I leave myself little reminders

Moons and doors

and stars as big as your eyes

The truth is I don’t need reminders

But they bring me closer to you

-Sasch

Know Yourself/Share Yourself

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There are a million people that will love you and see you the way I do.

You are not stuck with one person

they are not the only one who can understand you.

But it is your job to understand you.

When you understand you and accept you

it doesn’t matter so much when others don’t

And then when those few people come along

who want to know every inch of the folds inside your skull

you’ll be able to tell them who you are

 

the idea of listening to you talk about who you were

and who you are

and who you wish to become

sounds like a conversation that’d peel me right open

 

let’s talk

Dear Lover

Jayne6 Comments

The life you desire doesn’t exist with me

It makes me sad I’m not the one for you

I’ve no desire to grow into something created for you

I’ve stepped away from the crowd

I spend nights on the outskirts of town

Contemplating the darkness within me

I’ve nothing to give but words on words

The only guarantee here is that the end is always near

The only promise I can give is that I will continue searching til my lids close and no longer open

Even then I hope the search continues

I’m not the one for you

I wasn’t placed on this planet for you

My place is separate and set apart from the rest

But I do hope to be wrapped up in you from time to time to ease the pains of constant shedding

But sometimes

I’m shedding you

-Saschia

Options pushes and Pulls

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It’s the same door

Isn’t it the same door

Let me look

Same handle

Ok different wood

But it’s practically identical

Why would I be called somewhere

So similar to the last one

I know we shouldn’t compare doors

But they’re like the same

Look, look at that different door over there

It’s like mine

The cracks are filled in with gold glitter

The handle warn

And there’s even a peep hole

So why would I go thru a door that’s just like the last?

-Saschia

I am Aphrodite, Farewell

Jayne5 Comments

The art flows free when I’m with Ares

We tripped over the skulls of our enemies

Sat on the piles of their riches stacked to the sky

And I know, I don’t need Ares, or revenge, or riches to make art

And I know he takes away my focus.

Aphrodite is

a healthier option

The wiser choice

But Aries was the adventure I had missed

The only kind that crawls right under my thick skin

He made me dance

Inside and out

He shut me down and lit me up

He’s not safe

not in the slightest

Our dark minds wielded blood splatter

And chaos

The only way I could justify us was art

We were so art

You should have seen us

-Saschia

It Was Good

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First thing today, is to figure out how he will love her. He loves her, that isn’t the question. But how would he show her? Yesterday, it was with a small note, I love you handwritten on it that hid underneath her tea cup. A teacup he picked out for her and filled with black tea he steeped the way she likes it. But, today was a new day and another chance to figure out how to love her. He walked to the kitchen and leaned against the counter to think. He looked around at the bills scattered in front of the Keurig and the pile of discarded recyclables by the trash. He takes a deep breath and fear overwhelms his thoughts. That feeling of not being good enough weighs him down. But she needs his love and so he pushes through it. I’ll find something in the living room. Toys surround the perimeter of the room. The plastic, colorful, and imaginative toys lighten his mood. But, his fears whisper the word tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow it will be easier he agrees. And sits in the rocking chair his wife nurses in. It’s an awkward chair, not his first choice, but it was for her. There’s no use in waiting a voice from inside says. He reaches into his pocket for a small notebook he carries around with him at work and goes to his disheveled desk for a pen hidden by months worth of mail to be organized. He walks back to sit in the awkward chair and taps his chin. Eyes shut tight, he writes I love you because you exist and I love that. Those words are embarrassing to him, but he knows she needs to hear it. So he tears the paper from his small notebook and stands up to leave it on her seat. He walks away and turns to look at the note. I should rewrite it. He takes a step. No, no she will like it. It’s good enough.