My Abandonment Issues

I grew up as a dreamer in a single-family home. I wasn’t that different from my peers. However, most TV shows depicted two parent families or co-parenting which involved parents that were separated but did whatever they had to do to make it work out. The sad thoughts that come with the idea that someone that should want you like they do on TV, starts young. It’s not an obvious thing. The TV parenting style sat in the back of my mind while the humor was in the forefront. But at bedtime right before I’d fall asleep, I’d wonder why no dad would fight that hard to be in my life. Why no man at that point would do anything to ensure that I grew up with a mom and a dad.

That’s a glimpse of where my abandonment issues began. Everyone has at least a small dose of abandonment issues in their blood because people leaving us high and dry is a part of life. Some may have lost a loved one from death, some from a heartbreak, or some from losing their best friends when they got into high school. Loss isn’t easy on anyone and it looks different for everyone.

Yes, sad sad, but I grew up and slowly began to understand

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Separation

Things divided

Silverware blankets

random living supplies

But you can’t divide children

Here’s your mail

And your time

But these humans

we have to share

We could be fair about it

But let’s be honest

Life’s not fair

Values aren’t shared

So this is yours

And that is mine

See you the next time

we share the kids

-Saschia

My Best

I’m showing up

I’m showing up even though I don’t want to

I’m showing up to get something out of it

Even if it’s a seed of hope

I’m showing up because of love

Because of purpose

To have something to believe in

I don’t want to show up

But here I am trying my best to love in the one way I know how

by showing up

♡Saschia

A Precious Thing

I rush to get my work done

Less thought takes less energy

Which sends me off to bed early

I could spend the day contemplating

The balance between Plato’s and Nietzsche’s opinions of “the good life”

But the amount of energy it takes to develop that opinion is far too great

It’d be smushed between diapers, and baby exercises, and naps

-Hot tea-Hot tea gets me through!

Even on these hot days

But these poems they’re rushed because energy is a precious thing for a nursing mommy

-Saschia