Uplift

I was determined to show up and love you where you were

I propped my chest open to let some air in

And then you had to go and critique my body

I was fine I would have left unscathed

But you had to talk about something I’ve taken years to love.

Something that has always been fragile

And it broke me a little bit

But I know this is just me learning to love me regardless of other’s opinions

So thank you for poking the wound

Thank you for poking my body.

-Saschia

Dear Lover

The life you desire doesn’t exist with me

It makes me sad I’m not the one for you

I’ve no desire to grow into something created for you

I’ve stepped away from the crowd

I spend nights on the outskirts of town

Contemplating the darkness within me

I’ve nothing to give but words on words

The only guarantee here is that the end is always near

The only promise I can give is that I will continue searching til my lids close and no longer open

Even then I hope the search continues

I’m not the one for you

I wasn’t placed on this planet for you

My place is separate and set apart from the rest

But I do hope to be wrapped up in you from time to time to ease the pains of constant shedding

But sometimes

I’m shedding you

-Saschia

Life Sucks, But You Don’t

Life sucks, but in a beautiful kind of way.” — Axl Rose

Life can be a fucker. It can destroy everything you thought you had in an instant. It could take all your hard work and set it on fire leaving you standing there with tears in your eyes watching as it turns to ash.

Life doesn’t care about you. Life isn’t a being. You are a being. You are the one that feels what life takes from you. And you are the one that puts in the effort and hard work to create everything you’ve dreamed of.

And that’s what makes you great. The fact that you are aware of your effort and hard work. The fact that you feel so broken when your hard work goes up in flames and burns to ash right in front of your eyes, is the gift. Sometimes it’s hard work, sometimes it’s just life mowing you down to your last nerve. But you feel it.

That fact that you feel it means

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My Last Love Letter

There you were

Beneath my naked body

stripped bare

To the bone

To the soul

And still you stood

Unwavering next to my shattered bones

Next to my full and emptied womb

You accepted my child so much so

you cried to let her go

You taught her to tie her shoes

and taught me I’m someone worth being worried for

Then there’s your real laugh

The rare one that shows up when you’re caught off gaurd with a funny

Your firm squeeze against my thighs

Are both memories I’ll send to the heavens with hopes they’ll return when I’m ready to smile about you again

Not a bullet in the world could have taken you from me, if I could’ve stopped it

Not a job

Not a bad habit

Or a stinky sock

You were my reason

You were

why my heart beat

and why it flowed

And why it will continue to beat this way

until I stop breathing

-Saschia

Stop Saying the L Word

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

I enjoy a good romance or a good cry from the loss of a character I’ve come to feel close to. I like delaying or sacrificing my own current desires for my daughters. I like spending time with those I feel most connected to. These are all descriptions of love. But I’d really like to see us start getting more creative by using descriptions of how you show appreciation to those closest to you.

When I started using other words besides the word love, it opened a ton of different ways I could develop a healthy relationship with myself. “Yes, Self, I love you” just became redundant and didn’t really help me step into a place of action. Now, when I’m doing something for myself I define the action. “I’m going to allow myself to step away to write because it helps me unload my thoughts which gives me the energy to focus on the needs of my daughters and my mother.”

Love is a beautiful word and I don’t want to wipe it from our language, but maybe we have allowed it to become too general. We’ve allowed it to become this elusive thing that is selective to only those with the ability to feel, but that’s not true. So let’s stop using love as a magical word, and instead try out using different words or phrases that show how you are stepping into action for those closest to you.

Here’s a list of different action words that we can use instead of love.

You are fully…..Read more