I was determined to show up and love you where you were
I propped my chest open to let some air in
And then you had to go and critique my body
I was fine I would have left unscathed
But you had to talk about something I’ve taken years to love.
Something that has always been fragile
And it broke me a little bit
But I know this is just me learning to love me regardless of other’s opinions
So thank you for poking the wound
Thank you for poking my body.
-Saschia
The life you desire doesn’t exist with me
It makes me sad I’m not the one for you
I’ve no desire to grow into something created for you
I’ve stepped away from the crowd
I spend nights on the outskirts of town
Contemplating the darkness within me
I’ve nothing to give but words on words
The only guarantee here is that the end is always near
The only promise I can give is that I will continue searching til my lids close and no longer open
Even then I hope the search continues
I’m not the one for you
I wasn’t placed on this planet for you
My place is separate and set apart from the rest
But I do hope to be wrapped up in you from time to time to ease the pains of constant shedding
But sometimes
I’m shedding you
-Saschia
Life sucks, but in a beautiful kind of way.” — Axl Rose
Life can be a fucker. It can destroy everything you thought you had in an instant. It could take all your hard work and set it on fire leaving you standing there with tears in your eyes watching as it turns to ash.
Life doesn’t care about you. Life isn’t a being. You are a being. You are the one that feels what life takes from you. And you are the one that puts in the effort and hard work to create everything you’ve dreamed of.
And that’s what makes you great. The fact that you are aware of your effort and hard work. The fact that you feel so broken when your hard work goes up in flames and burns to ash right in front of your eyes, is the gift. Sometimes it’s hard work, sometimes it’s just life mowing you down to your last nerve. But you feel it.
That fact that you feel it means
I flip my hands
I open my heart
I see him on the edge
pages flip
horses run
waters rush by
or was that the wind
whatever it was
He’s got my attention
In life there’s going to be times when people look you in the eye and try their best to tear you apart. And they might succeed in that moment, but they lost the war to win this tiny insignificant battle.
I could die before I finish my book and no one else can finish it for me because at this point, I don’t even know what’s coming next. I do hope I’ll be kickin and breathin long after I finish this book and that I will continue to have more books to sell, but keeping life in perspective helps
The world is adjusting
The words are flying out
The book is started
And the ending
Is unfolding before my eyes
It’s the art of patience that’s a killer
But just wait
Just you wait
My life is falling into place
And when it happens
I’ll still have nothing to prove
I’m excited about that
-Saschia
There you were
Beneath my naked body
stripped bare
To the bone
To the soul
And still you stood
Unwavering next to my shattered bones
Next to my full and emptied womb
You accepted my child so much so
you cried to let her go
You taught her to tie her shoes
and taught me I’m someone worth being worried for
Then there’s your real laugh
The rare one that shows up when you’re caught off gaurd with a funny
Your firm squeeze against my thighs
Are both memories I’ll send to the heavens with hopes they’ll return when I’m ready to smile about you again
Not a bullet in the world could have taken you from me, if I could’ve stopped it
Not a job
Not a bad habit
Or a stinky sock
You were my reason
You were
why my heart beat
and why it flowed
And why it will continue to beat this way
until I stop breathing
-Saschia
I shift my gaze
Upward
And with every second
That I lift my chin
My heart opens a little wider
And I rise
a little higher
Just me
and those who also seek out
The pleasures in life’s lessons
-Saschia
I enjoy a good romance or a good cry from the loss of a character I’ve come to feel close to. I like delaying or sacrificing my own current desires for my daughters. I like spending time with those I feel most connected to. These are all descriptions of love. But I’d really like to see us start getting more creative by using descriptions of how you show appreciation to those closest to you.
When I started using other words besides the word love, it opened a ton of different ways I could develop a healthy relationship with myself. “Yes, Self, I love you” just became redundant and didn’t really help me step into a place of action. Now, when I’m doing something for myself I define the action. “I’m going to allow myself to step away to write because it helps me unload my thoughts which gives me the energy to focus on the needs of my daughters and my mother.”
Love is a beautiful word and I don’t want to wipe it from our language, but maybe we have allowed it to become too general. We’ve allowed it to become this elusive thing that is selective to only those with the ability to feel, but that’s not true. So let’s stop using love as a magical word, and instead try out using different words or phrases that show how you are stepping into action for those closest to you.
You are fully…..Read more
