The Adjustment

I’ve been a stay at home mom or in school for the last 8 years. Adjusting to starting a nonprofit has been tough. It’s tough for many reasons but even so, this seems like the best option because it’s something I can do for a long time. I’m a sensitive, committed, and loyal individual so temporary dead end jobs are not at all in my interest. It would be detrimental to my well-being to stay in a job that doesn’t suit me. That’s why creating a space that is important to me, where I can be for years is perfect for me. Adjusting right now is hard but in the long run, it’s exactly what I want to do and have wanted to do for years.

Sleeping

Losing sleep is one of the most frustrating things for me. I used to sacrifice sleep all the time but as time passed, I realized how much lack of sleep increased my stress levels. With my stress levels increased it makes it hard for me to do things I can normally do with no sweat. It also makes it hard for me to enjoy things that usually bring me joy.

Sounds like depression but it’s actually just lack of sleep. The difference is depression stays when I’m rested. When I’m just tired, sleep is the cure and I wake up a whole new woman. Well, it feels that way at least.

Here’s some things I do for a good nights sleep

I write. Writing helps me sleep so much better. It’s like it releases all my stress and thoughts for the day.

I try to eat my last meal for the day between 4 and 5pm

Healthy diet and exercise helps. I’m always working on that.

Let people help me. This is a big one. Stress is so bad for our health. Once I started sharing the load my stress levels decreased so much which helped me get a better night’s sleep.

I allow myself to rest. Transitioning from high levels of stress with little to no support to having more a support system was tough for me. I felt guilty for being tired and needing to rest. But the truth is my body needed to rest. Once I learned that my body was begging me for exactly what it needed I was better able to focus on the healing needed.

Those are a few things I do to help me sleep better. What are some things you do for a better night’s sleep?

Sticking It Out

How in the world is this going to work?

How can doing all this come to anything?

I don’t know. I really don’t know. I know that I’m happy here. I know that if this could last forever, I’d let it. I’m ok with change, but I don’t need to fight for it. It comes to me willingly like an obsessed lover. Anyways, the point is I’m so deep in uncertainty, I can’t even feel it anymore. And when I do, I know it’s when I’m focused on the wrong things. I’m going to make it. Not because I’m an underdog but because there’s something inside me. And I can’t really explain what that something is. Heck I don’t even feel comfortable talking about it. Let’s call it faith or hope or maybe even self love. I just know I’m sticking this one out.

Painted Nails

I haven’t had time to do small things for myself lately. I’ve been going non stop! But today I found time to paint my nails. I painted them pale pink and I love them. I do forgot how long it takes to dry them so I accidently smudged my thumb. I used to get my nails done regularly with the white airbrushed tips.

I don’t have any profound thoughts from painting my nails. Just that the little things mater.

I Love Baths

I hope my future has a hot tub in it.

I love baths. Bubbles, oils, candle light, all of it. I’ve always wanted one of those trays for the bath. Mostly because I’ve never had one. As for my love baths, there was even a brief time in my adult life where I would only take baths. I was trying my best to go completely natural but I’ve returned to my old ways. I still try my best to stay away from too much chemicals. I’m glad I took that time because it allowed me learn my body and figure what I could go without and what I couldn’t. At the end, I found that my products shouldn’t be too harsh or they’d cause irritation but I also have to watch for build up.

None of that is really important. What’s important is the hot tub in my future. (this makes me giggle) Hey writers are supposed to dream. Besides my plan is massive writing sessions then a brain cool down in the hot tub.

Aladdin in The Cave of Wonders

I’ve been thinking about this scene a lot lately. I remember as a kid thinking to myself how there was no way I was going to screw up a chance like that. I’d follow directions properly. Then I’d remind myself that it wasn’t Aladdin’s fault in this scene, it was Abu’s fault. And then my next question was, would I survive? It was always a humbling internal conversation.

Why is this scene important to the rest of the story? Was this the only way for Aladdin to find a magic lamp? Why did it have to be in a scary cave where we was never going to escape from?

The first thing that comes to mind after these questions is,

When you hit rock bottom, the only other way is up.

Aladdin finds magic in the bottom of a cave where he was supposed to die. I’m not suggesting that we all dive head first toward rock bottom. I’m suggesting that maybe this part of the movie was added to give those who felt they are at rock some hope.

Hope is nice. We don’t always need hope but when we do it can be life saving.

So that’s my grown up thoughts on Aladdin in The Cave of Wonders scene.

Coffee Love/Hate

My love/hate relationship with coffee.

I appreciate the energy coffee gives me. What’s even better is that I learned how I like my coffee made. I just hate that it makes me feel foggy the next day. Sometimes it feels like my best option is to drink another coffee. I don’t like that feeling. The feeling that the drug causing the negative feelings is also the cure.

This will not in any way stop me from enjoying a coffee here and there. It just bothers me. Why does such a nice yummy energizing thing have to make me feel bad? Why can’t it just be a nice thing and that be the end of the story?

Sway

There’s always going
to be the pull,
the spiral.
There’s always going to be
the darkness that lingers under the bed.
It’ll grab you by the heels.
It’ll knock you out
and suck you in right
when you expect it to (or not).

There’s a rhythm.
There’s a dance and
they say the best way around
is through.

Dance.
Close your eyes and dance.

There’s always going to be
light.
You’re always going to rise.

The Price of the Journey

Our inner journey is one that’s more valuable than gold. What does it require for us to journey inward? food, safety, shelter, ? Do we need some kind of stimulation to journey inward? Can we meet our core self without a mentor or guru guiding us?

I think everyone is different and learns to acknowledge their inner self in a variety of ways. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that the inward journey is part of our nature and is free of charge. We even have so many free resources and lessons from nature and from others that have journeyed before us. I’m not against paying for resources to support your journey. But always remember the investment into your inner growth isn’t defined by a price tag. If your inner growth is a collection of lessons from nature, culture, library books, fb groups with others who are committed to learning and sharing feedback it’s still just as valuable as someone who journey’s the world and pays gurus for their ancient tribal secrets.

So we don’t need money but what do we need to journey inward? We only need one non material thing. We need the will to do it.

Wait, Strike That Reverse It” -Willy Wonka

The my last post, There’s So Much World Out There, I spoke about how important it is to have new experiences. But this post, want to talk about how important it is to find the beauty in monotony. In the same ole rigmarole.

We forget to find beauty in the small things. There’s that saying that goes, “don’t forget to stop and smell the roses.” As writers we always have to remember to insert the ever forgotten roses into our story. We are the ones who insert the small details into our story so that they can be envisioned and remembered. We invite our readers to appreciate the roses that they’d normally pass by in the busy world we live in.

If we ask our readers to appreciate our details it is also important that we learn to stop and appreciate the details in our own lives. We need to have days without the need for new stimulating activities. We need boredom. Quietness. Peace and solitude.

If we are constantly looking for new adventures we will lose sight of stillness. Stillness is where the story lives. I was a busy person for a long time. Busy working. Busy living. Busy doing ambitious things. It actually took a couple years for me to adjust to living in a quiet town and living a quiet life rich with solitude.

That adjustment period helped me see things more clearly. It helped me find out who I was and why I did things and developed behaviors. It helped me tap into the cycle of nature. The cycle that goes on even when human don’t intervein. It helped me see the value of imagination and why it’s important that my mind works unique to those around me.

So adventure and new experiences are wonderful but what’s even more wonderful is taking time to stop and smell the roses of your own heart.

Because guess what? You’re in bloom.