A place where you can be human.
“I’m a big fan of editing and keeping only the interesting bits in.” -Sarah Vowell
I write, write, write, then slash, slash, slash. Then I do it over and over again. I don’t know if my writing process will ever change or speed up, but I think this method gets down to the bone. What’s interesting stays; the lifeless boring parts gotta go. If there are characters that fail to bring my story to life, they are removed and (at this point) with very little hesitation.
“The truth is you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.” -Eminem
This is both scary and relieving at the same time. I mean nobody really knows. We have this idea and our rituals, but really we just do those things to create a sense of control over uncertainty. Which is good. I love my routines that bring me a sense of order and control. But let’s be honest, tomorrow hasn’t come yet. Neither of us knows what we’re in for. I personally thrive on uncertainty.
Understand though, I’m not looking for a roller coaster lifestyle riddled with yolo. I have a deep love for boredom and doing the same thing every day of my life. That includes eating the same things everyday. (Yes, I’m one of those.) But I like to try new foods and pencil in mini adventures. I like to make time to travel and enjoy new spaces.
I think not knowing should scare us in a gentle way, to remind us to be more present, more patient, or more honest with ourselves and those we love. At the same time, I think it’s relieving because all our tomorrows are filled with endless possibilities. I think this is a fantastic and realistic way to look at life.
“Grace is what matters in anything – especially life, especially growth, tragedy, pain, love, death. That’s a quality that I admire very greatly. It keeps you from reaching out for the gun too quickly. It keeps you from destroying things too foolishly. It sort of keeps you alive.” -Jeff Buckley
I lead with grace. I leave with grace. I do my best to navigate conflict with grace. I think grace is how I rebel against manipulation. I feel free when I use grace as my way to go. I don’t think this is for only men or only women. I think this is a mindset that can be shared regardless of gender.
When grace becomes an act of avoidance, that means it’s time to move on. You can only show grace so many times before it’s taken advantage of. There’s a time for grace and there’s a time to go.
What do you think about grace? Did you lock it up with a key or do you shower the world with grace?
“An artist is someone who can hold two opposing viewpoints and still remain fully functional.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
Fitzgerald hit the nail on the head with this one. I have so many contradictions living in me. Most of my actions are based on my values, but I’m not perfect; I have weak spots that I won’t disclose here. The point is that writers (and artists) are typically more aware than most of their contradictions, and it’s not easy to live with them, but it sure helps shape a story.
Do you do your best to keep all your beliefs in line, or are you also full of contradictions?
“A great accomplishment shouldn’t be the end of the road, just the starting point for the next leap forward.” -Harvey Mackay
This is my day to celebrate the last day of the semester. I got myself a Reese’s cup, and now I’m going to take a couple of days to relax and decompress.
How’s your goals? What are you celebrating?
“Stand boldly at the cross roads and make an art of it.”
Your life is your art. Your reality is your escape.
You get to wake up and decide who it is you will serve, what it is you will serve. I often lean toward the things that set my soul on fire. I’ve been quite sleepy for while. A bit of a bore cooped up in the desire to get paid. I can’t serve that master. If there’s one thing I learned over these past two years it is that I was meant for something different.
And now, I’m feeling restless. I’m feeling ready to break some glass windows. I want to hear them shatter across the ground. But to be clear, they must be useless windows, not windows anyone would ever have to pay for. I want to feel the breeze while staring up at the full moon. I want to be chin deep in a hot tub and spill secrets between kisses. I was not designed for the rigid 9 to 5. That shit shriveled up my soul and hung it out dry. For me, 9 to 5’s are a slow erosion. So slow, in fact, that I barely noticed my soul went missing.
What do you love about being alive?
“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.” -Havelock Ellis
I’ve never been any good at letting people go. That’s one huge reason why I make sure I connect with people I truly want around forever. Because this girl just loves people forever. But I agree, learning what’s worth hanging on to and what’s worth letting go of is an art. I mean, yeah, there are basic things that are a no-brainer, but there are some murky waters where it’s not so easy to know. And oftentimes it has no ethical standing. It’s just a choice, not good or bad either way. The great news it that you get to stand boldly at the crossroads and make an art out of it. What a life you have to live.
What are willing to let go of? What are you hanging on to? Personally, I’m hanging onto this femininity vibe.
The moon is full and so is my heart.
Wow, I was absolutely not expecting this femininity journey to take root the way it did. And this full moon is bringing up so many beautiful thoughts and emotions for me to sift through and learn from.
I’m not quite ready to share all my thoughts and feelings, but I can share that not embracing my femininity felt like a sacrifice I had to make for my family, for the bills, for the long term, but none of that is true. In the past few weeks, I had a dance party complete with colorful lights with my girls, I have been painting my own nails (nothing crazy, just 1 shade of quick dry), been exercising, working on my skin care, and appreciating books and podcasts by women. I’m feeling so empowered. I’m digging into this journey, and I’m excited to see what femininity has in store for me next.
Did you see the moon?
Happy Mother’s Day
I had a fantastic weekend! And today really brought it all together.
“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” -Theodore Hesburgh
Creating a home where a woman is free to become the best version of herself is one of the most important things you can show your children. This journey to my best self is solitary and very personal, but in order to move forward through this journey, I’ve had to rely on my husband to take on more than normal while I’m also in school. He’s really stepped up and made sure the girls have what they need. For that, I’m very grateful. My girls get to see that they will never be stuck, that they can change their careers, chase their dreams, and rest when their bodies call for it.
Jayne.press