There are a few different things that come to mind when we think about what it means to live. There’s the idea that we are walking, talking, breathing human beings that eat, sleep, and poop. Then there is the choiceto live. To wake up and do more than just survive. This mindset looks like, tasting new things, going on adventures, saying yes to rest and no to unnecessary overtime. What would we even need to choose to live?
Where does the desire to live come from?
Before we talk about what we need to live, we should ask, what gets us to intentionally make choice to live? Is it desperation? Is it courage? What shifts our mindset from staying safe in monotony to taking on new risks and adventures? Some might say books do it for them. Some might say they are part of a community of people who inspired them. Then there’s some who believe it’s all in the stars.
Then again, maybe the right question to start with would be where did it go? There’s a lot of things in life that clam us up. There’s grief and trauma and unacknowledged behaviors. These are all good reasons to clam up. There’s a million smart reasons to stay safe in your own little shell. I’m not here to convince you either way. I’m just here to understand how to make the shift.
On your worst days you are a work of art because what makes you a masterpiece isn’t your perfection it’s your scars –Jayne.Press
On your worst day, I’m going to be here building you up. I’m going to tell you you’re beautiful and smart and strong. It’s ok to be scared and it’s ok to be tired and broken. I’m going to let you rest and when you’re ready to get out there again. We’re going out there, but we aren’t going out there blind, no, not this time. You are going to be aware of your feelings and your surroundings and when you’ve had enough, you’re going to speak up and say “enough.” Then you are going to rise up and walk away.
Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.– Arnold Schwarzenegger
Strength comes from perseverance. It comes from facing the fears we never thought we could handle. Strength comes from so many things but the one place it truly comes from is in the mind.
Strength is an inside job. It’s facing yourself with authenticity. It’s about learning to accept the parts of you that you hate so you can accept those parts in others.
I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ’Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death.”– Thomas Paine
Strength is about showing up for yourself when you don’t want to. It’s about advocating for yourself. It’s learning to change and heal so you can trust yourself. Because you are trustworthy, and worthy, and valuable. You deserve someone who knows and understands you to speak up for you and who better to do that than yourself?
I have copy and pasted some different viewpoints on Codependency. Codependency looks normal in a society that sweeps mental health under the carpet. Makes me want to print this out and tape it to my wall for when I feel a bout of reactivity taking over my brain space.
Accodring to Wikipedia, “Codependency is a behavioral condition in a relationship where one person enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity.”
According to Psychology Today, “Growing up with an unreliable or unavailable parent means taking on the role of caretaker and/or enabler. A child in this situation puts the parent’s needs first. Dysfunctional families do not acknowledge that problems exist. As a result, its members repress emotions and disregard their own needs to focus on the needs of the unavailable parent(s). When the “parentified” child becomes an adult, he or she repeats the same dynamic in their adult relationships.”
According to PositivePsychology.com, “The main consequence of codependency is that “[c]odependents, busy taking care of others, forget to take care of themselves, resulting in a disturbance of identity development” (Knudson & Terrell, 2012).
20 Signs Of Codependency (Via PositivePsychology.com)
What does codependency actually look like? Some of the things that have been found to correlate with codependency include (Marks et al., 2012):
Sometimes in the moment you don’t know what you need. Sometimes it takes an entire conversation to figure it out. It’s going to take courage to talk it out. So not only is it important to find someone able to deliver, that someone should also be willing to sit through the conversation.
Either you’ll figure out what you need and get it which in turn helps you learn to give it
“Or [you’ll] realize the person you’re asking doesn’t have the capacity to deliver. Both are gifts.”
Good night WordPress world. Sleep well. (Unless you have to write, then you should be writing😉)
I choose emotionally unavailable men because I require a significant amount of solitude. But instead I should find an emotionally available man who also needs a significant amount of solitude. It looks so simple in writing.