Femininity

“A girl should be two things: Who and what she wants.” -Coco Chanel Fashion Designer & Businesswoman

Now that I’ve got my initial thoughts out about femininity I’m ready to dig in.

I want to start with admitting that this conversation kind of scares me to have. I feel like no matter what I say about femininity, I’m going to be wrong, I’m going to exclude a woman who feels different, or I’m going to ruffle the church’s feathers. I think that fear is a combination of things, but first and foremost, my insecurity in my own femininity. This journey is a personal journey of me connecting with my femininity. No one really gets to tell me how that should look.

So how can I be more secure in my femininity?

Number 1: Take note of the things that make me feel more at home in myself.

Number 2: Make room for the things that make me feel at home in myself.

Number 3: Be intentional about including those things in my daily routines.

Number 4: Take ownership of them. No one else should be in charge of making me feel at home in myself.

Lead Like A Woman

Femininity is us. Femininity is we. Femininity is brave. Femininity is self aware. Femininity is knowing what you want.

Yesterday I talked about the first few things I thought about that made me feel more like a woman. Today I want to talk about what makes me proud of my femininity. Before we talk about that, let’s revisit some old posts.

This journey started only 4 posts ago. It began with me announcing that I’m going to embrace my femininity. I decided to start this journey because I hadn’t felt like a woman since I had my second child. Then I learned that there is no term coined for making a woman feel less like a woman the same way men have the term emasculate, which I found very interesting. I discussed what comes to mind when I hear the word femininity. And yesterday, I listed out 7 different things that make me feel more like a woman.

Feelings are great, and we should aim for good feelings, but the truth is they are fleeting and never satisfied. Which is why today I want to shift my focus and talk about why I’m proud of my femininity. My generation of women has stood up and decided they will end generational curses. For some, that decision was/is not easy but they still stood firm. They invested in their homes, in their communities, and in their love lives to prioritize safe homes for themselves and if applies their children. I’m so proud of that. I’m so proud that we’ve finally convinced the world that dads are part of child-rearing and increased paternity leave for fathers. And I’m so proud that we are taking on education and technology fields like champs. We are doing all this as women. We are doing all this with our periods. We are doing all this and still trying to hydrate! And I think we do it all with our own unique style.

Femininity is bad ass.

Feeling Like a Woman

“The girls need a break, tonight we’re gonna take
The chance to get out on the town
We don’t need romance, we only wanna dance
We’re gonna let our hair hang down”
– from Shania Twain’s Man, I Feel Like a Woman

Over this past week, I’ve been exploring my femininity. Yesterday, I posted about all the things that come to mind when I think of the word Femininity. Today, I wanted to share the things that make me feel more like a woman.

Number 1: Absolutely, positively my body! I’ve really been struggling with getting back in shape, and not liking my body. It makes me not want to do anything else below but we can’t avoid it anymore! The time has come for me to accept where I am and allow me the things that make me feel like a woman. Onward!

Number 2: Dancing! I’m no pro, and I’m just out there to have fun. It’s not fun when people ruin the night with judgments, but I can usually, shake it off.

Number 3: Being pursued with respect and intention. Hands down makes me feel cute and lady-like. (That’s mostly for my husband since I’m married now.)

Number 4: Feeling Sexy. This one is a combo of the first two, but sometimes other things add to this too, like poetry haha.

Number 5: Hell Hot Baths. Girl, light a candle and put me in a bath – I’m literally a goddess. Pure divine feminine in the flesh.

Number 6: I like pink, floral, romantic, cutesy, fancy, decor. Pictures. Gold accents. Girl themed desk sets. All of it. I love it all.

Number 7: The way I look -Skin Clothes Hair and Makeup. I prefer classic looks over trendy but even when I’m wearing something classic, I like it when it makes me look and feel pretty.

What makes you feel like a lady or a man? Are you brave enough to share?

I’m feeling kind of vulnerable with this one.

What Does Femininity Mean to Me?

“I do not wish women to have power over men; but over themselves.” – Mary Wollstonecraft

The moment I think about the word femininity, a whole swarm of ideas flashes through my brain. Here’s a few. Both men and women have masculine and feminine traits. When you learn to balance them, you do well. Femininity doesn’t automatically mean soft, pinks, and florals. What makes me feel more or less like a woman can be completely different from another woman, and that’s okay. Feminine traits are not something we’re stuck with, but they are worth the investment.

For me, this journey is about finding ways to accept all the parts of me. I want to learn to leverage my femininity and lead with it rather than feeling like I have to defend it when I show up. I hope this journey toward accepting my feminine desires adds to my wisdom and authenticity.

What comes to mind when you hear the word femininity?

Belonging Starts with You

“The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.” -Brene Brown

Learning to invest in the parts of me that are feminine is starting to feel interesting. First off, I started the day by shaving only one leg. I have no idea what happened there, but I had a morning appointment, so we had to just go with it. I’m laughing at myself right now.

The first thing I’ve learned so far on this journey is that there is no term coined for women that means the same as emasculate (but for women). Society loves to condemn feminine traits. Generally speaking (because baby steps), they like to think pink and glitter make women less powerful. Less capable. And I think that women are fighting for their feminine nature everyday whether they know it or not.

Why isn’t there a term for taking away women’s femininity?

And that’s what led me to tomorrow’s post, What does femininity mean to mean?

This is where the journey started

Embracing My Femininity

I’d like to personally invite you on my journey toward embracing my femininity.

“A girl should be two things: Who and what she wants.”  -Coco Chanel Fashion Designer & Businesswoman

While talking with my husband about how I can ensure that men feel safe in their masculinity around me as a psychologist, I realized it hadn’t occurred to me to ask myself what makes me feel more like a woman. And the minute I stepped away and asked myself, “What makes you feel more like a woman?” tears started flowing down my cheeks. I have had the conversation with myself a million times. Like, oh, I want to do something girly or get my hair done, stuff like that. But to genuinely ask myself in a concerned way, “When is the last time you felt feminine?” That hasn’t happened.

I haven’t felt feminine since I had my second child. This, of course, isn’t my child’s fault. It’s just that childbirth does not in any way make me feel feminine. I feel like I’m preparing for war before and at war during the whole process. Afterwards, I feel like a survivor of battle. Healing and making sure my baby thrives felt so very lonely for me. I just never really bounced back into my feminine self since. So my goal over these next couple of months is to focus on embracing my femininity and loving that part of myself again.

I’m going to be honest, I don’t think it’s going to be as easy as sounds. But maybe I’m closer than I think.

What are your initial thoughts on Femininity?

Grammar Trick

“Writing is an act of faith, not a grammar trick.” -E. B. White

There’s plenty of opinions about writing. There are supportive opinions, there are judgmental opinions, and there are just plain old unbiased opinions. I don’t think much of that matters. This quote from E. B. White says it all: it’s an act of faith. The writing process is a solitary thing between you and your divine inspiration. You have the vision. You have the idea. It’s all inside you. There’s no grammar trick that can replace that.

What about you, do you think writing is an act of faith?

Explorers

“The writer is an explorer. Every step is an advance into a new land.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I don’t know what I’m doing or if I’m doing it right, but I know for sure I’m doing this. I have explored, and what’s wild is I haven’t even come close to being finished exploring. I’m so eager to find out more and enjoy those little moments when connections happen, whether in thought or in relationships. In a world that wants you to hit the I-believe button, be an explorer of great things.

I’m trying to find out what they found beneath the pyramids? Any ideas?

Feeling My Way

“I try not to think too much about my writing process – I tend to feel my way forward and find more insights that way.” -Nick Petrie

Here’s a good quote. This one encourages me. I’m laughing at myself because some of these quotes will really have me spiraling for no reason. I have definitely felt my way through the writing process. In one of my recent blog posts, I spoke about outlining and that I’ll utilize it more in the future. When you write one thing for three years, it’s easy to forget the things you do to keep moving forward. I have definitely utilized outlines while writing this book! I don’t know how I forgot. When I get too far out in the weeds or dig deep into a scene and have to return to the story as a whole, that’s when I use my outlines. I don’t use them consistently and abide by the outline, but I do use them as a tool.

This makes me think of the two quotes I always have to remind myself:

“You’re doing better than you think.” and “There’s always room to learn.”

The Writing Process

“My writing process is chaos. I usually start with an overarching theme. Then I establish several story threads, but I don’t outline. I just start writing and keep notes for what may come. It’s an organic process that’s usually pretty flexible.” -Lisa Lutz

I have never related more to a writing process, but I don’t know if I’ll do it this way again in the future. I think I’ll utilize more of an outline. Of course, I could say that all I want and never really do it. “There’s always next time” might become a theme for me when it comes to outlining my stories.

How about you? Are you willing to switch up your writing process?