My Desires

Today, I want to start with an affirmation.

You are worthy of your desires.

I’d like to share some of my own desires. I have a deep desire to see a world where femininity is as valued and prioritized as much as masculinity. This desire is one of my biggest inspirations. But what’s strange is that for so long, I have been taught to abstain from my desires. The word desire is a taboo word in the church where I was raised. Don’t get me wrong, taking care of the community was never frowned upon, but it felt like my own personal desires like this one, were not welcomed.

Over the past couple of days, these writings have given me the inspiration to lead with femininity. I want to lead with my desire to build a workforce that is driven by the work we do while still being able to thrive with our families; even today! Those are completely healthy desires, and for some reason, I’ve been and often still get told not to be led by my desires. I desire to have my family’s basic needs met. I desire to find fun and exciting ways to be active and fit. I desire more education. I desire healthy meals in a safe home. Are these desires wrong? Of course not. Is working to gain these desires is wrong? Of course not. These are perfectly healthy goals that I can strive towards. So when you read the affirmation that says,

“I am worthy of my desires.”

That means you. That means you are worthy of the work you’re willing to do. That means you’re worthy of the rest that will get you there. We have desires worth pursuing. And when we start pursuing them, it’s not easy, but it’s getting us one step closer to a world where femininity is prioritized alongside masculinity.

What are your desires?

We are Women

Self-care is a huge part of femininity, but I personally think it’s just a huge part of being human. Men are supposed to take care of themselves too, and I bet if they did, they’d live a lot longer.

Basic needs and self care is

  • hair skin nails,
  • properly fitting clothes under garments and shoes,
  • healthy foods,
  • vitamins, medications
  • rest,
  • exercise,
  • Feminine hygiene products pads and tampons deodorant
  • Dental hygiene
  • and rest. sometimes more and sometimes less.

When I say self care this is what I think of. These are the basic things we need to maintain to thrive as humans beings. Once we get past that and then give femininity another thought, what do we get?

The first thing I think of is resilience. Even though we’re tired, look at us we can’t help it, we just keep finding ways to thrive,

to break free

to liberate ourselves those we love!

We are made for this.

The second thing that comes to mind is strength. This one is easy. Women are known to have high pain tolerance, enough said.

Femininity is something we get to be proud of. It’s something we get to come home to. It’s something we get to be reminded of at any moment of the day, at any time that we need it. We are worthy of our dreams and we have done the work to see our visions. This is our life to live and we get the privilege to keep on living it. I hope you choose to thrive in your femininity today.

What comes to mind when you think of Femininity?

Within Her Starts With Me

“A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture, and transform.” – Diane Mariechild

There’s something empowering about giving yourself permission to live your life fully. It took this little journey of femininity to remind me to live now and to remind me how to live in the now. It also reminded me that self-care is a basic need.

These are the things I want my daughters to have in their toolkit, and if they ever need to come home and refill their cup, I want to have that for them too. And I want to have it with them, and I want to have it for myself. I also want my husband to partake in his own ways. I want us to have full and satisfying lives filled with adventure, and that means if I want that for them, I have to start with me.

Feeling More Like Myself.

“There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” -Aldous Huxley

It’s been 7 days of femininity. I’ve found that I’m connecting with myself in some new ways but also reconnecting with myself too. I don’t think I have to change much. I think I am who I am. I do think I need to do the things that make me happy now, rather than put them off for a “better time.” There’s no better time to invest in yourself than in the present. I have put my self-care off in small ways over the years. Slowly, my self-care diminished, and so did my confidence in myself. So now I’m rebuilding and collecting different ways I can invest in the things that support my confidence in myself.

This femininity journey is literally just taking me home.

What makes you feel more like yourself?

Lead Like A Woman Playlist

“Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.” — Berthold Auerbach

Figured today would be a great day to amp up my Lead Like a woman Playlist this is where I’m starting.

  • I’m Coming Out By Diana Ross
  • “You Don’t Own Me,” by Lesley Gore
  • “Respect,” by Aretha Franklin
  • “I Will Survive,” by Gloria Gaynor
  • “Girl on Fire,” by Alicia Keys
  • “Roar,” by Katy Perry
  • “Girls Just Want To Have Fun,” by Cyndi Lauper
  • “Love Song,” by Sara Bareilles
  • “Shake It Off,” by Taylor Swift
  • “Man, I Feel Like a Woman!,” by Shania Twain
  • “Hit Me with Your Best Shot,” by Pat Benatar
  • “Unwritten,” by Natasha Bedingfield
  • “Fight Song,” by Rachel Platten
  • “I’m Every Woman” by Chaka Khan

This is a new playlist, any other suggestions?

Femininity

“A girl should be two things: Who and what she wants.” -Coco Chanel Fashion Designer & Businesswoman

Now that I’ve got my initial thoughts out about femininity I’m ready to dig in.

I want to start with admitting that this conversation kind of scares me to have. I feel like no matter what I say about femininity, I’m going to be wrong, I’m going to exclude a woman who feels different, or I’m going to ruffle the church’s feathers. I think that fear is a combination of things, but first and foremost, my insecurity in my own femininity. This journey is a personal journey of me connecting with my femininity. No one really gets to tell me how that should look.

So how can I be more secure in my femininity?

Number 1: Take note of the things that make me feel more at home in myself.

Number 2: Make room for the things that make me feel at home in myself.

Number 3: Be intentional about including those things in my daily routines.

Number 4: Take ownership of them. No one else should be in charge of making me feel at home in myself.

Lead Like A Woman

Femininity is us. Femininity is we. Femininity is brave. Femininity is self aware. Femininity is knowing what you want.

Yesterday I talked about the first few things I thought about that made me feel more like a woman. Today I want to talk about what makes me proud of my femininity. Before we talk about that, let’s revisit some old posts.

This journey started only 4 posts ago. It began with me announcing that I’m going to embrace my femininity. I decided to start this journey because I hadn’t felt like a woman since I had my second child. Then I learned that there is no term coined for making a woman feel less like a woman the same way men have the term emasculate, which I found very interesting. I discussed what comes to mind when I hear the word femininity. And yesterday, I listed out 7 different things that make me feel more like a woman.

Feelings are great, and we should aim for good feelings, but the truth is they are fleeting and never satisfied. Which is why today I want to shift my focus and talk about why I’m proud of my femininity. My generation of women has stood up and decided they will end generational curses. For some, that decision was/is not easy but they still stood firm. They invested in their homes, in their communities, and in their love lives to prioritize safe homes for themselves and if applies their children. I’m so proud of that. I’m so proud that we’ve finally convinced the world that dads are part of child-rearing and increased paternity leave for fathers. And I’m so proud that we are taking on education and technology fields like champs. We are doing all this as women. We are doing all this with our periods. We are doing all this and still trying to hydrate! And I think we do it all with our own unique style.

Femininity is bad ass.

Feeling Like a Woman

“The girls need a break, tonight we’re gonna take
The chance to get out on the town
We don’t need romance, we only wanna dance
We’re gonna let our hair hang down”
– from Shania Twain’s Man, I Feel Like a Woman

Over this past week, I’ve been exploring my femininity. Yesterday, I posted about all the things that come to mind when I think of the word Femininity. Today, I wanted to share the things that make me feel more like a woman.

Number 1: Absolutely, positively my body! I’ve really been struggling with getting back in shape, and not liking my body. It makes me not want to do anything else below but we can’t avoid it anymore! The time has come for me to accept where I am and allow me the things that make me feel like a woman. Onward!

Number 2: Dancing! I’m no pro, and I’m just out there to have fun. It’s not fun when people ruin the night with judgments, but I can usually, shake it off.

Number 3: Being pursued with respect and intention. Hands down makes me feel cute and lady-like. (That’s mostly for my husband since I’m married now.)

Number 4: Feeling Sexy. This one is a combo of the first two, but sometimes other things add to this too, like poetry haha.

Number 5: Hell Hot Baths. Girl, light a candle and put me in a bath – I’m literally a goddess. Pure divine feminine in the flesh.

Number 6: I like pink, floral, romantic, cutesy, fancy, decor. Pictures. Gold accents. Girl themed desk sets. All of it. I love it all.

Number 7: The way I look -Skin Clothes Hair and Makeup. I prefer classic looks over trendy but even when I’m wearing something classic, I like it when it makes me look and feel pretty.

What makes you feel like a lady or a man? Are you brave enough to share?

I’m feeling kind of vulnerable with this one.

What Does Femininity Mean to Me?

“I do not wish women to have power over men; but over themselves.” – Mary Wollstonecraft

The moment I think about the word femininity, a whole swarm of ideas flashes through my brain. Here’s a few. Both men and women have masculine and feminine traits. When you learn to balance them, you do well. Femininity doesn’t automatically mean soft, pinks, and florals. What makes me feel more or less like a woman can be completely different from another woman, and that’s okay. Feminine traits are not something we’re stuck with, but they are worth the investment.

For me, this journey is about finding ways to accept all the parts of me. I want to learn to leverage my femininity and lead with it rather than feeling like I have to defend it when I show up. I hope this journey toward accepting my feminine desires adds to my wisdom and authenticity.

What comes to mind when you hear the word femininity?

Belonging Starts with You

“The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.” -Brene Brown

Learning to invest in the parts of me that are feminine is starting to feel interesting. First off, I started the day by shaving only one leg. I have no idea what happened there, but I had a morning appointment, so we had to just go with it. I’m laughing at myself right now.

The first thing I’ve learned so far on this journey is that there is no term coined for women that means the same as emasculate (but for women). Society loves to condemn feminine traits. Generally speaking (because baby steps), they like to think pink and glitter make women less powerful. Less capable. And I think that women are fighting for their feminine nature everyday whether they know it or not.

Why isn’t there a term for taking away women’s femininity?

And that’s what led me to tomorrow’s post, What does femininity mean to mean?

This is where the journey started