Stepping Out of Your Story and Embracing the Powerlessness of Someone Else’s

For the Conscious Writer

Image for post — Photo by Rohan Makhecha on Unsplash

The great thing about writing you’re own stories is that we have a good idea about what is going to happen. What can be interesting is when we have to leave our stories and gain that sense of powerlessness when we enter into someone else’s story

There’s two aspects to this, one is when we actually engage in someone else’s art. We give our sense of control over to the creator. It’s a mutual agreement between creator and viewer. This aspect provides more of an escape. It’s letting someone else take the wheel of perspective for a moment. It’s liberating and entertaining.

Then the other aspect is in reality when we have to accept that others might make choices we don’t agree with. This isn’t always a mutual agreement. Sometimes the repercussion for some else’s actions are thrust upon you, and there’s nothing you can do about them. The thing you can control is your own thoughts and actions.

We can’t ever be completely powerless while we are alive and conscious. We can think. We can strategize. We can chose to stay completely unaffected or lash out. We could even think up entirely new situations in our heads and prefer to engage with those ones over reality. We have options. Some choices are better than others but we have them.

The great thing about learning to accept powerlessness as a conscious writer is you get to see things from a different perspective than your own. You can use these moments as tools to understand why someone would do something you can’t imagine yourself doing. Good and bad situations. It’s great practice for character building

Which leads to, the next thought. Learning to take note of how you feel in moments of powerlessness. Try to stay aware of how you’re feeling when someone’s consequences are thrust on you. This can be a profound experience when you listen and question the thoughts racing through your mind. This is where the great characters live.

Honesty is not found in revealing the truth, but in understanding how deeply afraid of it we are. To become honest is in effect to become fully and robustly incarnated into powerlessness.

David Whyte

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A Letter to My Characters

For the Conscious Writer

Dear Characters,

I’m am here. I will always be here forever and always. I will learn and know each and every part of you and help you bloom into the person that you were always meant to be. No matter what choice you make, no matter how many times you fail, I will be near you. Some choices or things you do, may disappoint me or make me cry. They may make me proud and brighten up my day. Either way, I’ll still need your existence. I’ll still seek you out.

I know your past. I know your thoughts. I know your true purpose. Who you’re going to be isn’t set in stone, until you show me with your actions. The calculated ones, the impulsive ones, the mindless ones. They define you, they take you to who you’re going to be. Show me who you are. Show me with your actions what is in your heart and that’ll make sure you become who you’re destined to be. That will make sure you meet yourself exactly where you’re meant to be.

It doesn’t matter how strong you are, or how smart, or what gifts and talents you were given. All that matters, is when I throw you into a situation, that you be authentically you. I do hope you learn that these situations are molding you into the person you were destined to be, but hear me out, you can act like the person who you want to become. The trick is to be that person in detail. Now, when I say the person you want to become, I mean you aren’t stuck in your flawed or limited behaviors. I mean, if you want to be a writer, then you must be writing. Be writing when the dragons and fairies and handsome princes come barging into your door. I say this because regardless of your true purpose and of your past, and of your thoughts, if you were writing in the darkest and brightest moments of your existence, what are you then, other than a writer in the midst of living.

And if there is ever a moment you feel you are without purpose, I can promise you, you were not brought into existence without purpose. Not for one moment.

With so much love and gratitude,

your creator

P.S. I can’t explain all the bad things that happen in my own world, but I can give you life that’s worth living. Realize that your life is a gift to me.

Right Now is Important

For the Conscious Writer

“The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.” — Abraham Maslow

We get wrapped up. At least I do. The story eats away at me. I forget what it feels like to just be in reality for a few hours. I obsess my characters and the words and the genre. I could spend hours editing my book and not even notice I’m still editing when I put my computer away.

They say stay drunk on writing, and that’s a fabulous idea when you have the lifestyle to do so. So I have to make time when I’m present in my house in all aspects, not just in body. I need to have my mind right here next to me, in the present.

“Always hold fast to the present. Every situation, indeed every moment, is of infinite value, for it is the representative of a whole eternity.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I am overwhelmed from editing. I am frustrated with my lack of solitude, right now. So I spent a couple hours today being present. Not being focused on my book. Not planning things to do for it or my writing. I just floated around the house laughing with my family, playing on my phone, and thinking about Hannibal. I even took one of those long showers. Yup, my skin’s silky smooth right now. (Stay at home mama’s you know what I’m talking about).

So, as Conscious writers I think it’s important to be intentional about being present outside of your writing. It’s great to jot down ideas when they come but enjoy your life. I read something saying that we write to live not the other way around. Your writing should accentuate your life, not drag it down. Enjoy your family. Enjoy other creative’s works. It’s ok

We get the guilt. Like, if we’re not writing or thinking about writing, we’re not working hard enough. I think the “you should be writing” memes are funny. I laugh and I share them because we do get haunted by our work. We do get overwhelmed by our need to finish. A little anxiety to get a job done is important, but it shouldn’t deprive you from being fully present when you’re not writing. At least not to the point of guilt and shame.

If you are writing and/or editing everyday you are investing. If you’re writing when the house is asleep, that’s huge. Seriously. Allow yourself the freedom to be fully immersed in your day so you can come back to your writing with fresh eyes and a full heart.

“Be happy in the moment, that’s enough. Each moment is all we need, not more.” — Mother Teresa

Get Out Into the Storm

For the Conscious Writer

You know those snow storms when it’s freezing cold and there’s so much snow it’s literally coming out of your ears. Yes, those. Ok so now let’s say you’re finally dry and warm again all snuggied up in your car. Then you pull into your driveway, and all you’ve wanted is to be inside your home. But then you realize stepping out of the car means stepping into the freezing cold snow storm. That’s what you have to do with your writing.

You’ve got to brave the storm. It’s not so much about being fearless. It’s more about accepting a temporary amount of discomfort to get you to your goal destination.

We’ve all had those days where we curl up on the couch and zone out for as long as humanly possible. Those are nice days. Some of us can sit longer than others, either way the point still stands, it’s comfortable. It’s nice to be unbothered by things. But this isn’t the garden of Eden. You’ve got to get out there and work the ground and pop out some book babies.

Learning to embrace the storm is learning to embrace the life handed to you.

I’m not sure what makes you uncomfortable and truth is you haven’t experienced all the things that make you uncomfortable yet. You may find that you’re more comfortable in a certain scenario than you thought would be. You may find you are extremely uncomfortable but the consequence for enduring that discomfort is a positive one.

So let’s just say you’re writing right now, ask yourself are you in your warm and comfortable car? Are you staying too safe? Too comfy, cozy, and dry? Just think, what’s on the other side of the discomfort you feel right now? Pajamas and fuzzy bunny slippers? Your favorite Tyler Durden inspired robe? Don’t delay the inevitable. Step outside your comfort zone and freeze your tush off.

“To reach only for that which pleasantly enchants you is the least of imagination, if even imagination at all, by the obvious reality of remaining within your means. The greater of imagination is parallel to risk. It extends beyond your comfort zone or haven, or sense of beauty, or what you personally believe suits you in exploration of what may not.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy

Check Out For the Conscious Writer Here

Overwhelmed

For the Conscious Writer

When writing a novel, there’s going to be many days where your work feels much bigger than you. It will loom over you the way any large thing does. You feel like little David from the biblical story of David and Goliath. It’s about a little shepherd boy who other’s believed didn’t qualify for the task. A Cinderella story, if I may. Spoiler Alert, he managed to kill his giant with a talent he acquired while watching over his flock of sheep. A sling shot. So the moral here is, you are just as qualified as any other writer. Use the skills you’ve acquired to make it this far and face the giant.

Read more

What’s the Next Lesson?

For the Conscious Writer

Intentional learning is part of the writing process. The best way to learn intentionally is to set learning goals. The great thing is that anything you learn can be incorporated into your writing. So think about what you’d be interested in learning. What would spark your curiosity? Then follow the rabbit. Creating your own learning goals gives you a sense of control, which in turn makes a more interested learner, which in turn makes an intentional learner. It all works out.

A good teacher appreciates a student that’s interested in learning. So why not be your own teacher proud of your own interests? This is a great way to get to know yourself. It builds confidence, trust, and knowledge within yourself.

Intentional learning is one way you can show up for yourself in ways no one else can. There’s an interesting stream of thought that happens when you take an interest in something. Our thoughts begin to bubble and flow only adding more and more questions. Sometimes our curiosity can take us places we didn’t originally plan. I think it’s marvelous. And I think it’s even more fascinating that we can almost see the train of thought through our search history. But that’s another topic for another day.

Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel. –Socrates

Check out my last piece, “How to Let Go While Feeling Everything“

How to Let Go While Feeling Everything

For the Conscious Writer

“Attachment constrains our vision so that we are not able to see things from a wider perspective.” Dalai Lama

As a conscious writer, it’s important to be able to let a story go. It starts during creation, even though you shouldn’t think too much about what to get rid of while in the creation process. Sometimes we really want something in a story that doesn’t fit no matter how much we want it there. Then, there’s editing that’s basically deleting everything you just wrote or a good portion of it anyways. And then, there’s editing from other’s perspectives. And last but not least the final product is bringing it out of hiding and letting it go free into the world.

“You only lose what you cling to.” Buddha

This is why learning to let go is important. Writing isn’t a selfish thing no matter how much of a passion of yours it is. If you hang on to things that are no longer useful for your story it’s going to detract from the meaning and power behind your words, behind your life’s work. Same with hanging on to anything else.

The best way to let go while feeling everything is learning to have healthy attachments. A good reminder is that none of this is truly our own. Not the people in our lives and not our art. They don’t belong to us. They are meant for their own purposes and their own lives. That is the best start to developing healthy attachments. (Another way of saying it is non attachment.)

“It is a sign of great character and strength to be able to lose your attachment to anyone or anything that isn’t good for.” Anonymous

On Infidelity and Monsters

When would he realize that it wasn’t his infidelity I couldn’t bear, but his cowardice?
― Tatiana de Rosnay, Sarah’s Key

Infidelity is something I’m exploring right now. Since there’s different types, I’m referring to the type that involves an entire secret relationship. What hurts about it? The inability to face the betrayed partner? The sucker punch to the ego? The false persona being portrayed to keep up with all the lies? I often explore the judgement I have for individuals who go this route. Coincidently, I’m not the only one who explores the idea of betrayal, it’s been written about since the beginning of time. I think we’ve all experienced the sting of betrayal at some point in our lives. I mean, God provided Adam and Eve with everything they could ever imagine and He still got betrayed.

Now, this bias clearly isn’t deep in my unconscious, but it would be if I didn’t take time to explore the issue. I’ve been taught since childhood that cheating on your spouse is very wrong and hurtful. And I do agree, but they were taught to me in a way that made cheaters seem almost inhuman or monstrous. The truth is it’s so human to lie and cheat. It’s very human to betray others and even more so to betray ourselves. But does that make you monster? I don’t think cheating spouses are monsters. No matter how much respect I lose for them, they are not monsters.

The only people that can’t handle the truth are those that suffer so much anxiety that they will live in denial, in order to prevent their illusion from being destroyed and feeling more anxiety.
― Shannon L. Alder

To put it simply, they have internal issues that need to be worked out before they enter into or continue any type of relationship. Their only option to move forward is to face the reasons why they are seeking something outside themselves for fulfilment. The issue won’t disappear when you make one woman (or man) disappear, there will always be more. The issue will never disappear, it will only fall into the background when it’s resolved, as a sort of reminder.

So as an adult, if people are doing things that are in my opinion, wrong, like infidelity, I do not peg them as monsters. They are simply creatures who are still learning to grow and evolve. Don’t get me wrong, I get angry and protective when someone attempts to take away the peace in my household, but to be clear, I don’t think cheaters are monsters, I think they’re human.

Feelings are much like waves, we can’t stop them from coming, but we can choose which ones to surf.
~Jonatan Mårtensson~

So to wrap things up here, I’d like to share a fictional letter written to a character in one of my stories who was going through a similar experience. I wrote it for encouragement in the midst of my own heartbreak. I was devastated and letters like these where I was supporting “others” really got me through the experience. An experience I really really don’t want to endure again, not even in any other lifetimes. (If that’s a thing)

This is my soul work.

Dear Broken Hearted Woman,

Have a Go To Beverage

For the Conscious Writer

Rituals, anthropologists will tell us, are about transformation. The rituals we use for marriage, baptism or inaugurating a president are as elaborate as they are because we associate the ritual with a major life passage, the crossing of a critical threshold, or in other words, with transformation.

Abraham Verghese

As a conscious writer, you’ve dedicated yourself to the art of writing. You’re going to be doing this writing thing everyday for a long time, might as well make it into an enjoyable ritual. Have a drink you can enjoy every writing session. I have a cup of tea and a treat for my writing sessions. (The ones I’m mostly awake for anyway.)

For me, having a simple routine makes the transition into intentional writing run more smoothly. As a mom, I’m usually juggling 5 things at once, even when I’m sitting on my phone. My book, my social media, what I’m going to feed myself, and have I cleaned enough all alert me on top of meeting my kids needs. To turn the multi tasking off, I drink a cup of tea and enjoy something sweet.

On another note, your mouth doesn’t move while you write words, so you should have a beverage close by so you can get a break from clenching your jaw. (Ah, here’s a reminder, you can unclench your jaw now).

Make it your thing. Have a thing that’s simple and that’s yours. It doesn’t have to be different from other humans. Most writers hail a strong cup of coffee. If that’s your thing, let it be your thing. Embrace your thing. -Saschia Johnson

Then write your heart out because we’re waiting to hear from you.

Click Here to Read My Piece titled “A Conscious Writer, Is a Valuable Writer.”

Find Your Quiet Place

For the Conscious Writer

I am not saying that meditation is the only element necessary to turn you into a master writer, but if this practice is absent from your writing and creative process, you are simply leaving too much potential on the table. –Farnoosh Brock

Meditation is important for the imagination. It gives us the space to accept all thoughts and ideas and allows them to flow through us. When you write don’t you want ideas to come to you. It’s no fun chasing ideas. Meditation coaxs them toward you. Sometimes we have to chase, that’s just the way it is but if we can be handed our ideas most of the time, that would make our writers life more enjoyable.

Meditation can be done in so many different ways. There’s stream of thought, walking, bathing, and a million other ways. Even guided meditations are acceptable. There’s no need to stick to just one style, switch it up. Plan to change the way you meditation throughout the year because seasons change. Which leads right into my next thought.

Different seasons call for different types of meditations. Our lives are always changing. Some seasons we don’t need to meditate as much, other seasons we’ll be doing it every day or more. I’m not saying just let it happen when it happens. Routine is excellent if that works for you, but make sure you’re trying new ways to meditate within that routine.

As a conscious writer, being aware of what you need is important, but it doesn’t always mean you’ll knowhow to get what you need. Finding the time to meditate can be tricky. You may need to stay up later or get up before the rest of the house. You may need to go out of your way like find a babysitter or take a day off of work. Being intentional about making time to meditate can be the trickiest part, but remind yourself that this is part of your work, then make it happen.

It’s important to look at mediation as part of your work, as part of the process. Meditation most times can be the fuel to get you through a writing session.

When do you meditate? How do you meditate? Why do you meditate is it just for writing or is it for your entire well being? Does it help you write? I’d love to hear about you.

Quote Cred

Meditation and The Art of Writing

View at Medium.com

Jayne.press

Stepping Out of Your Story and Embracing the Powerlessness of Someone Else’s

Follow me on WordPress www.Jayne.Press

A Letter to My Characters

Right Now is Important

Get Out Into the Storm

Overwhelmed

What’s the Next Lesson?

How to Let Go While Feeling Everything

Read more About The Conscious Writer

On Infidelity and Monsters

Dear Broken Hearted Woman,

Read More on Medium

Have a Go To Beverage

Click Here to Read My Piece titled “A Conscious Writer, Is a Valuable Writer.”

Find Your Quiet Place