Life Sucks, But You Don’t

Life sucks, but in a beautiful kind of way.” — Axl Rose

Life can be a fucker. It can destroy everything you thought you had in an instant. It could take all your hard work and set it on fire leaving you standing there with tears in your eyes watching as it turns to ash.

Life doesn’t care about you. Life isn’t a being. You are a being. You are the one that feels what life takes from you. And you are the one that puts in the effort and hard work to create everything you’ve dreamed of.

And that’s what makes you great. The fact that you are aware of your effort and hard work. The fact that you feel so broken when your hard work goes up in flames and burns to ash right in front of your eyes, is the gift. Sometimes it’s hard work, sometimes it’s just life mowing you down to your last nerve. But you feel it.

That fact that you feel it means

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The Feels

I have gone through my own rough times. I have pretended like I didn’t care about things till I truly didn’t care about them. I didn’t want to care anymore. I wanted my feelings to go away so I could just move forward in life and not be held down by them. I hurt myself in the process. Losing my feelings made it so that people couldn’t hurt me

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So Now, Accept Yourself

You are tough

You weren’t born that way

You came out soft and squishy

And full of fantasies

And you tasted just like sugar

Like melted sugar

And rainbows shot from your eyes in the middle of a hurricane

Then it started

the dying

You realized people did very bad things

That people died for no reason

You realized you were someone to be understood only by a few

And you tried for years to understand why

And tried for years to tell yourself you’d be ok

We’d all be ok and you’d make sure of it

You hid in your silence

In your fear of connecting the wrong things once again

You hid in your stereotypes

Black violence with White credit score

Then the armor came

It collected over the years

You watched and saw how others made it through

You ate

And skipped meals

You slept to help skip them

You skipped em to feed your baby

You skipped em to find love

Then you clung to the illusion that someday you might be good enough

But you, my beautiful tattered soul,

have always been good enough

Since the day rainbows shot out of your big brown eyes

And even the day they started going dim you were still brighter than the north star

You have survived things and never stopped rebuilding

You tear down your walls over and over

And when you rebuild

You don’t rebuild selfishly

You rebuild for every single person who needs to be rebuilt too

Your ability to see the good in monsters is something people will never understand

Stay apart from those who don’t understand you ability to accept

But keep accepting

That is what you were born with and that is what you will die with

And that is your only purpose on this earth

So now accept yourself

-Saschia

Where Am I

I’ve reached a place in my life where I’m more full, more myself, and more humble than I’ve ever been. I feel so me. The self that loved with no expectations. The girl before her first heartbreak. It’s as if I’m getting a second chance at life and love and following my dreams. Life isn’t always so kind, so all I can do is hope it lasts and hope I can hang onto this as long as I can. Maybe life will be so kind, who knows? All I know, is I want to wake up, I want to sleep, and I get chills when I finally get to sit down and carve away at my craft. This is all so temporary, I had to write it down. I had leave proof. There is hope after allowing yourself to heal. There is life after an affair. Value isn’t lost because someone doesn’t appreciate it. And it’s ok to feel fuller and wiser and more yourself once you get through.

Yay me!

She’s a Pretty Mistress

She wasn’t ugly

Not by far

Actually, she had a pretty face

A face you’d see in the mall

Maybe the girl across from you

buying panties and a bra

You know

the one you smile at and politely

say excuse me to

She looks like she could be

your favorite cashier

Or someone who got straight A’s

in highschool

She and I

We both felt that powerless sting

We both sat and wondered

What it is we did

to be left

Was it the sex

Was it something we said

Both forgotten

After so much effort

And of course

We should have known

I mean, we knew

We knew he wouldn’t stick around

And someday another woman

would come

Maybe the new girl will have

the same basic name as hers

Because it’s highly unlikely

to be the same as mine

in spelling at the least

But still

the powerlessness

It feels like bondage

And no

she and I

we do not compare

Maybe in another world

In another place

In another time

My face is no basic face

And my body meticulously sculpted

by babies

Some dead some alive

And so while we are connected

she and I

By the same

Powerlessness a man has brought to us

We are not one in the same

And I hope and pray

That I never make the same mistake

She did

Of falling for a married man

And acting on it

-Saschia

Emotionally Absent

It’s like

Shouting into the wind

I shared and I shared

And I yelled and I screamed

Not even an echo returned

Just breath

Not even silence

And I noticed the other day

How you gave me a hint

Just a tiny peak inside your mind

All for a fuck

You knew my weakness

I’m learning though.

I see now

how you’ve made it so far

Without being present

-Sasch

Separation

Things divided

Silverware blankets

random living supplies

But you can’t divide children

Here’s your mail

And your time

But these humans

we have to share

We could be fair about it

But let’s be honest

Life’s not fair

Values aren’t shared

So this is yours

And that is mine

See you the next time

we share the kids

-Saschia

Speak

If I could

I would take your anxieties wrap them up tight and throw them in the ocean

I’d take your sadness and carry them to the grave

And I’d fight every single battle you were too scared to face

But I wasn’t placed here to be your savior

I can’t wrap my hands around your feelings

No matter how bad I want to

So throw your anxieties, carry your sadness, and face your battles

And tell me everything because I want to hear you speak of your thoughts and feelings

and I want to hear how you conquer them

-Sasch