Thought and Planned

Finally in love with me. From inside the depths of my soul to my roots of curls. I’ve waited so long to feel so healthy, so healed, and so ready to take on life. I thought and planned that by the time I got here I’d be celebrating with you. Maybe you weren’t meant to be part of this celebration. Maybe all the times you made me feel like shit for healing brought us to this.

Aw well, let the celebrating commence!!!

8 Ways To Fall Forward

1. Allow yourself to fall. Cry, scream, nap, do self care.

2. Get healthy. Healthy diet and exercise help with a healthy mind.

3. Talk it out. Find someone who is in a healthy place emotionally to talk it out.

4. Set goals to focus on for the next year. Not so focused they become a crutch just a means to move forward.

5. Surround yourself with communities that share your interests. 

6. Trust your gut. When something doesn’t feel right, trust that. Don’t let people take advantage of your vulnerable state. If they weren’t there through the struggle chances are they won’t be there through the healing.

7. Move forward. Stay away from environments that no longer serve you. Learn the signs and patterns of toxic behaviors and set boundaries immediately so you don’t end up in the same situations over and over again.

8. Learn to be ok alone. Become your own best friend. Learn yourself. Take up hobbies. Feed your brain.

 

 

The Art of Letting Go

Growing Pains

The earth opened up and pushed me over the edge. The dark was dark and only a seed of hope rested in my back pocket. Words swirled and spun around me, but I climbed and screamed and fought. I made it out and not one step was alone, even though at times I felt lonely. My nails were rugged and my gritted teeth cracked. But here I am, a little wiser, a little more gentle, and a lot more understanding.

Loyalty, where does it live and die?

I just want to throw this out there. I talk a lot of shit. I act like I’m rebellious and a rockstar, but it’s all a show. I f’n adore community and meeting people and learning people and supporting people. So yes, I like to go out. I like to dress sexy and feel pretty.

I like getting told I’m beautiful.

But at the end of the day, my family is my priority.

I love being home, hanging out, eating dinner together, and talking about our day. I love growing and building together. There was never a time that I wasn’t loyal to my home. There was only a time I put my home before individuals who weren’t ready to grow with me.

Everyone’s priorities are different when it comes to where their loyalty lives and dies. I am first loyal to my spiritual growth, then to my family, then my writing, then everything moves and jumbles around below those.

At times there are gray areas. When I reach those places, I make sure to communicate with my loved ones that I’m in an unknown area. I do my best to show full respect and honesty to my household during those times. It’s much harder to communicate when it’s an internal writing thing, but I try.

Where I struggle with loyalty is when to stop being loyal. Once I fully commit to someone or something, I take my loyalty to grave. So, I tend to stay loyal to people and places who no longer serve me. And that’s a problem. That’s not setting boundaries.

So todays writing will be inspired by my inner conflict with loyalty.

Ruined

The makeup drips down her face

Black tears

There’s more to all this

She knows it

She feels it in her bones

Even though it was wrong

She knows that too

But there was this push much stronger than before

An urge she’s never felt

She wasn’t herself or was she

Is this what being alive feels like?

It comes and goes, that feeling

Alive, is fighting the urge. It’s the torment you feel when you walk away. When he walks away. That is the alive. But, to give in, to go wherever you are pushed, that is no more than a dead leaf in the wind. Stripped from the branches. Stripped from life itself.

This moment you have as a dead leaf is your chance to fall apart, to sink into the soil, and to become part of the regrowth next spring.

You are not ruined

-Saschia