Diary Of A Tamed Temper

She’s anxiety, rage, and shame all balled into a fireball of untamed magic

And when she pays me a visit

I reach and I twitch

And I grasp at my heart to try and save me

When she comes

I can do nothing but beg for the truth

And I know it’s somewhere close by

So I let it guide me

And I search and I listen

I take it all in

Truth’s lessons

truth’s hurts and truth’s gifts

Till it leads me

To where I’m supposed to be

Till I’m grounded once again

And that’s when

I feel the waters calm

I hear the rains subside

I slowly breathe in watching my chest rise

Ahh…. I breathe out

It’s calm

I breathe in

And I take time

To appreciate my calm because it feels good to be there once again

-Saschia

Where Am I

I’ve reached a place in my life where I’m more full, more myself, and more humble than I’ve ever been. I feel so me. The self that loved with no expectations. The girl before her first heartbreak. It’s as if I’m getting a second chance at life and love and following my dreams. Life isn’t always so kind, so all I can do is hope it lasts and hope I can hang onto this as long as I can. Maybe life will be so kind, who knows? All I know, is I want to wake up, I want to sleep, and I get chills when I finally get to sit down and carve away at my craft. This is all so temporary, I had to write it down. I had leave proof. There is hope after allowing yourself to heal. There is life after an affair. Value isn’t lost because someone doesn’t appreciate it. And it’s ok to feel fuller and wiser and more yourself once you get through.

Yay me!

She’s a Pretty Mistress

She wasn’t ugly

Not by far

Actually, she had a pretty face

A face you’d see in the mall

Maybe the girl across from you

buying panties and a bra

You know

the one you smile at and politely

say excuse me to

She looks like she could be

your favorite cashier

Or someone who got straight A’s

in highschool

She and I

We both felt that powerless sting

We both sat and wondered

What it is we did

to be left

Was it the sex

Was it something we said

Both forgotten

After so much effort

And of course

We should have known

I mean, we knew

We knew he wouldn’t stick around

And someday another woman

would come

Maybe the new girl will have

the same basic name as hers

Because it’s highly unlikely

to be the same as mine

in spelling at the least

But still

the powerlessness

It feels like bondage

And no

she and I

we do not compare

Maybe in another world

In another place

In another time

My face is no basic face

And my body meticulously sculpted

by babies

Some dead some alive

And so while we are connected

she and I

By the same

Powerlessness a man has brought to us

We are not one in the same

And I hope and pray

That I never make the same mistake

She did

Of falling for a married man

And acting on it

-Saschia

Emotionally Absent

It’s like

Shouting into the wind

I shared and I shared

And I yelled and I screamed

Not even an echo returned

Just breath

Not even silence

And I noticed the other day

How you gave me a hint

Just a tiny peak inside your mind

All for a fuck

You knew my weakness

I’m learning though.

I see now

how you’ve made it so far

Without being present

-Sasch

Separation

Things divided

Silverware blankets

random living supplies

But you can’t divide children

Here’s your mail

And your time

But these humans

we have to share

We could be fair about it

But let’s be honest

Life’s not fair

Values aren’t shared

So this is yours

And that is mine

See you the next time

we share the kids

-Saschia

Speak

If I could

I would take your anxieties wrap them up tight and throw them in the ocean

I’d take your sadness and carry them to the grave

And I’d fight every single battle you were too scared to face

But I wasn’t placed here to be your savior

I can’t wrap my hands around your feelings

No matter how bad I want to

So throw your anxieties, carry your sadness, and face your battles

And tell me everything because I want to hear you speak of your thoughts and feelings

and I want to hear how you conquer them

-Sasch