Linen

Linens hang from me

I stand to rebuild and restore what was lost

The stench of death will stalk me

These pains will ache and swell and ooze

And after the burial has ended

I will emerge

naked, broken, and old

one with the soil stuck to my palms

Maybe

I will master the art of tea,

souffles, and silence

I will go on

♡Saschia

Joy

The laughter has returned and

pangs of hunger dance in the pit my belly

She found me

And made herself comfortable

We spoke of motherhood

And Birthday cake

She pressed their cheeks into smiles

And twirled them on her finger

Maybe she will stay

My heart really needs her to stay

-Sasch

(But we all know, what goes up, must come down)

I Wanted To

I wanted to remove every piece of me
from you

Every secret I told

Every baby flushed down the drain

Every moment I allowed myself to let you see me at my weakest point

Every tear that landed on your shoulder

I wanted it all back

I wanted my love and my sweatshirt

I wanted my lessons and the many moments I stepped outside myself for your benefit

I wanted it all back

But not today

Today I choose love

-Sasch

The Good Fight

My heart beats stronger with threat

It brings the life out of me

The rage redirected to art

To rebuilding myself

I will not be a machine

tears and snot drip down my face

I will not stop I will only grow larger and larger

And my dreams will be closer and closer

With an aching heart, I will rise

And I won’t stop

I will never stop

♡Saschia

Just Behind My Lips

I have come up with a plan!

It sat with excitement just behind my lips

I tried so hard to cage it in

to keep my plans a secret

“shhhh” I hushed

 

Anyway, now the plan makes no sense

I spoke it aloud to try and find the sense in it

but the sense has left it altogether

because all my loved ones have died and gone

and the only point was to see them

but!

I have come up with a plan

and I will see to it I finish everything I listed

I will visit their empty homes

their tombs

their favorite spaces

alone

with no fear

with no emotion or purpose other than to fill time

I fill my time with plans

and thoughts

 

with an arm lifted and a fist clinched

I’ll stand watch for woodpeckers (those where her favorite)

and I’ll wait for hours at his favorite restaurant

to taste the steak he suggested (it’s a meal only few know of that’s not on the menu)

there is something in these things left to me by the dead

it’s a fulfillment of something I planned

and even if there’s is no one to share it with

I will have these memories as my own

 

<3Saschia

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This Is My Calling