Your Wife II

His waves crash

Like an ancient melody

They play my song

They pull me in

I dive and dive

Only to be denied

I sit I cry

I beg and plead

Open up to me

I’m left drenched with a

Mouth full of sea foam

Drowning in an eerie silence

I’ve become a pirate

Forever in love with circling

His seas

-Saschia

Why You Lept

The minute you choose to heal from your past

there’s going to be a million reasons not to.

There’s going to be a million distractions.

Everything that comes up in place of healing is going to feel better and taste better and look so much better than what it is you have to heal from

If healing was easy

Anyone would do it

You had enough courage to make the leap

Now show some bone and fight until your fears are looking you in the eye

Don’t lose focus about why you lept in the first place

Returned Energy

I finally feel the energy I’ve craved

I feel this tingle in my toes

Ready to go go go

I want to reach goals

I want to give hope

I feel my strength returning

It gives me the courage to lose

To fail

I’ve burned my backpack full of grief

And pushed life out of me

I am alive

I am free

I am healthy

I am determined to finish building the life I dreamed of.

♡Saschia

I Don’t Want My Love For Everyone

I Don’t Want My Love For Everyone

But that’s a limiting mindset

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Unconditional love is an act worth living and dying for.
-Saschia Johnson

Yesterday, I posted something on Instagram but archived it because I wrote, my love is only for those who can face me with the truth. That is such a false statement and doesn’t describe my philosophy in any way. I act in love no matter what is going on outside of me or inside of someone else. Another person’s journey shouldn’t limit my ability to show love. I want to act in love no matter what.

What this means to me

My opinion is that love comes down to action. It’s not some theoretical abstract concept for me. It is knowing and understanding that we are all learning. We are all either acting out or healing from past wounds. We are all trying to survive and for some, survival requires a robotic lifestyle that doesn’t allow much thought. Let me make this clear, I absolutely do not belittle this behavior or mindset. I understand survival is innate and some of us are simply trying to live another day. I accept this. I listen. I use my own past mindset as a tool to empathize with the survival mindset. Loving unconditionally for me means showing acceptance to myself and others no matter where we are in life.

What this doesn’t mean to me

My desire to love unconditionally absolutely does not mean I will allow unhealed wounds to destroy my space. One of the most beautiful acts of love is stopping toxic behaviors. Whether that means loving myself enough to step away or owning up to and apologizing for a toxic behavior of my own. I understand why you are toxic. I understand that you are not ready to heal. I understand what you’re healing from regardless if you tell me with your words or actions. But what you are not going to do is manipulate me and treat me of little value. I will step away from manipulating words that have yet to be backed up with actions. You may choose to live that way and I can smile at you and hug you, but a line will be drawn once you attempt to limit me into submission. Not gunna happen.

The only way love can last a lifetime is if it’s unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.
― Stephen Kendrick, 

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I am going to continue learning to love myself and others unconditionally. How does it look to work on unconditional love?

1. working on my values so my character has something to fall in line with.

2. knowing and understanding myself

3. challenging my own limiting behaviors and beliefs

4. learning to value myself and my space

5. spending time alone

6. finding different ways to encourage myself

7. self-reflection

8. find ways to hold myself accountable

9. tell the truth

Doing these things for yourself is doing it for others. It helps after doing it for yourself because when you mindlessly limit yourself, you will unintentionally limit others. When you mindfully accept yourself, you mindfully accept others. These steps toward unconditional love listed above help you to bring your limiting beliefs and behaviors into a more concrete thinking space, or in other words, into awareness.

These actions are easy to suggest and write down but putting these into action is only a small piece of the hard part. When you begin to work towards unconditional love, it’s going to irritate the few who don’t feel they deserve it for themselves and they will automatically reflect that self-limiting belief on you, acting as if you also don’t deserve unconditional love. This is a lie. You deserve unconditional love for yourself.

Then there’s going to be a few who see your ability to love unconditionally and it will cause a ripple of acceptance, and what else has anybody ever wanted in their life?

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Check Me Out On Medium

Her Looming Shadow

I spin her round
Like a top
No, more like a dance partner
She’s mad
She’s not interested in being spoken to this way
What does she know? She asks the heavens
And I dig in
I know about the sex
I know about the dirty little things she does when she thinks nobody’s looking
Those are the least of her worries
Because I have my dirty little habits too
And then she looks up
And her head aches
And her tummy growls
There’s a storm brewing
And it’s not coming to drop a house on the bad guys

Because bad guys don’t always lose

-Saschia

Dear Lover

The life you desire doesn’t exist with me

It makes me sad I’m not the one for you

I’ve no desire to grow into something created for you

I’ve stepped away from the crowd

I spend nights on the outskirts of town

Contemplating the darkness within me

I’ve nothing to give but words on words

The only guarantee here is that the end is always near

The only promise I can give is that I will continue searching til my lids close and no longer open

Even then I hope the search continues

I’m not the one for you

I wasn’t placed on this planet for you

My place is separate and set apart from the rest

But I do hope to be wrapped up in you from time to time to ease the pains of constant shedding

But sometimes

I’m shedding you

-Saschia