Did You Ask?

Sometimes I go looking and exactly what I need is right there waiting for me. I love when that happens! It’s like everything aligns and I get a hug from all the words I needed to hear.

Today I didn’t really wake up with a question that I needed answered today. It’s always nice to have a question. It’s even nicer to have the right question. Sometimes it takes me several times to find the right question. It’s fun.

They make you think life is all about finding the right answers but the truth is life’s all about finding the right question. What are you asking yourself before you go to bed? What are you looking for when you wake up.

I think that’s what gives you connection to being alive. Then when you’re connected to being alive and searching for new questions to come up with, you have your million reasons to keep on living.

It’s a terrible thing when you get to a place in life where you don’t even have the energy to ask questions anymore. It’s a sad dark place when the things you’ve always cared about slip away as if you never had a fire in your heart before. I can only hope those moments of darkness are short for you. When the clouds drift away, get back to those questions that lit your fire again.

For me, the questions are one of the greatest gifts to being alive.

St Augustine on Friendship

St Augustine’s Teaching
The joy of friendship is beautifully described in this quote:

In my friends I found pleasures, which captivated my mind: shared talk, shared laughter, mutual acts of kindness, the shared reading of good literature, of moments of levity and seriousness; occasional disagreements that were without ill-feeling, as a man can disagree with himself, which gave relish to our more usual concord; teaching and learning from each other, longing impatiently for each other when absent, welcoming our absent friends with joy when they returned. There and other such tokens, which proceed from the hearts of those who love each other and express themselves in the face, the speech, the eyes, and a thousand gestures of goodwill, are so to speak, the kindling of the fire which melds together, making one out of many. (Confessions IV.18.13)

Walter Hansen from “Augustine and C.S. Lewis on Friendship”
Photo by nappy on Pexels.com

Over the past couple years, I stepped away from the hustle and bustle of life to learn who I was and to heal myself from the many losses I experienced. One of the things that came from this period of growth was learning how to deeply love my friends when I’m around them. I know we say it a lot, but the only way it has been possible for me to be able to love my friends properly was to learn how to deeply love myself.

Augustine’s description of friendship is beautiful. It sounds like an intimate friendship that would add so much value to being alive. I learned (and am still learning) that in order to even attempt a friendship to that level of intimacy, it absolutely, without a doubt, requires that identical friendship with your inner self. St Augustine refers to this inner friendship as one you’d have with God. The Christian faith which St Augustine wrote about, would suggest these two things are not interchangeable. But let’s not forget how connected everything is. If we don’t respect ourselves, we don’t know how to respect our friends. If our inner voice is harsh and condescending, that is how we will treat our friends. There’s no way around it. This isn’t religion or spirituality. This is basic psychology.

Religion vs Psychology aside, the quote above is a great description for #squadgoals. Who doesn’t want a friendship like that? When I have free time, this is how I want my time spent. These are the friendships I want to cultivate and maintain.

I think I’ll post this one on my wall to motivate me to take my artist dates.

Source
https://www.jstor.org/stable/48619571

No More

How many times today did you wish you were doing something else? How many times today did you say, “I don’t even want to be here.”

I was feeling that way a lot a few weeks ago. I finally said, “No! No more.” to that voice. I have spent years learning how to step away from the crowd. I have spent years learning to allow myself to say no to the things at take away value from my life. I didn’t put in all that work to show up to places that bring me down. I’m going to the places and people that bring me life!

Some people may think that philosophy is selfish. It’s not. My dreams, goals, and values aren’t things that would take away from someone else. Not one thing I desire will make someone go without. Not one of my values will make another human suffer. It’s me who will suffer if I don’t remain focused on those things. It is me who will feel less than.

I’ve been working through Artist’s Way (I only have a couple weeks left), and got stuck on chapter eight, Recovering a Sense of Strength. I don’t know what this chapter is about yet, but I think the title is a reminder that I need to reinforce my inner dialogue. I need to say no to the thoughts that are going to bring me down and take me away from enjoying the life that I’ve worked so hard to create for myself, the future I’m currently creating, and the present that I want to be part of so badly.

I’m grateful and happy for where my life is. I wasn’t always happy. I didn’t know I was allowed to be. I didn’t know I was allowed to have Sundays to myself to clean and think and read and sleep. It’s so silly how the world wants us going going going. I just want to enjoy my life.

Courage

Fear isn’t always a bad thing. Having no fear is great. But doing something even when you’re afraid, that’s courageous.

As writers we are the barer of all news, of truth, and of the tough conversations no one wants to have or even be conscious of. Heck, I don’t even wanna be conscious of some of the stuff I’ve researched for writing. When we write, we shouldn’t always be comfortable. I mean there’s a time a place for it, but if we have the gift and determination to get a work out (especially a novel), shouldn’t we creep outside of our own comfort zones?

I mean writing should be the place we allow ourselves to get loud. It should be our place of freedom. Of releasing all the limitations placed on us by social standards. Sometimes doing this by zooming in on the truth in some creative way.

I say all that to say, be courageous creative writers. Speak about the hard stuff even with fear in chest. Speak about the truths that hide in plain sight. The ones we fought for years ago but have grown too tired to care for anymore. There’s a million reasons to write, but the best reasons are the ones that make us better human beings than we were yesterday.

Unknown

Making the unknown known isn’t always a simple task. There’s times it’s so easy we make it difficult because we were told it was difficult. And there are other times the answer comes to us with so much ease, it feels divine.

The Unknown

This Rumi poem turns to a man and a woman in the sea:

In the midst of the ocean of love

The mind asks: Where are you?

I cry: I do not know! I do not know!

What path are you taking?
I do not know! I do not know!

You are being led by the madness of love
How can you function?
I do not know! I do not know!

You should be afraid
You could die!

The moon whispers:
It’s Ok not to know
You were borne with wings to soar
The real question is:
Why do you remain huddled in your cage?

https://rumiwithaview.com/the-unknown/

Unstick Yourself

It never feels good to feel like you don’t have any options. Feeling stuck is universal but where you feel stuck can be so different for so many people. While Sammy is loving peanut butter sandwiches everyday, his mother feels bad she can’t afford to offer him more variety. Then we have Gale who can afford more than enough groceries but is in a job position with no upward movement and no growth.

Stuck never feels good. Feeling stuck leads to burn out, bad moods, poor eating habits poor mental health in general. So once you acknowledge that you’re feeling stuck. –Wait let’s talk about that. Acknowledging you’re feeling stuck can be the hard part. We like to come up with reasons to justify why we are stuck. Sammy’s mom might be saying to herself, I’m doing my best and I don’t want to take food from someone who really needs it.” Jordan might be saying, “I gotta pay the bills” Both of these responses aren’t wrong. They are sound and have their place. But these responses take away from that intimacy you could have with yourself. It takes away your ability to listen and be heard. So it may seem easy in writing but acknowledging your feelings can be hard work.

Aright here we are, the stuck feeling is acknowledged. Now figure out where you’re really stuck. Is it funds? Is it your career? Is it something else? Take that area of your life and think about what it would look like if you were unstuck. Would you have a full fridge? Would you be working less hours and getting paid to travel? This is an important step. Sometimes we force ourselves to accept a situation rather think about what we would truly want.

Now you know what you have and you know what you what. Take a couple days to think about how to fill that gap. If you’re funds are too low to provide your child with more variety, what if you tried using local resources that have enough to share with all tax brackets, like a food pantry or a job program to help you move up to higher paying position? If you’re feeling stuck in your career, what if you took some of your free time to see what it would take to get hired for that traveling job you always dreamed of. Filling these gaps will take some investment but you invested in where you are today, why not invest in a place where you want to be?

There’s a lot of different ways get from where to are to where you want to be. Gratitude helps with the bad feelings which can give you a boost to take action. Some other ways, is bullet journaling your goals, vision boards (virtual or collages), find a mentor or accountability partner who may share similar goals, and surrounding yourself with people who support you and your goals.

Let’s create a world where we unstick ourselves before we hate ourselves. Let’s invest in what we can to be who we want to be and dream what we want to dream.

We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it.

William Faulkner

Abrupt Endings

How do you know when you’re finished with your story?

I always cut mine short. I tend to rush through the endings and not take my time the same way I do when I start. Sometimes I think I just wanna be finished. Sometimes I just feel like it’s a good place to end. Things don’t always end smoothly in life. As a matter of fact, there are a lot of times things end abruptly or without warning. But how do we portray that in a story without giving our readers the feeling like we’re cutting the story short?

One way might be to show that while one aspect of the character’s life was cut short and without warning, another aspect went on living, growing, and evolving.

They say all ends bring new beginnings. And I agree but there’s times when some ends bring us to this waiting space. Sometimes it’s strange and eerie. Sometimes it’s that peace you’ve been waiting for. Bur it always feels like the calm before the storm. Life’s interesting, isn’t it,

Ok ok back to how we incorporate abrupt endings into our writing.

Another way to show abrupt ending in a story without cutting it short is by change in tone. Maybe it would go from chaotic and fast paced to a slow unfolding. Find ways to zero in on the little details and allow your tone find a slow pace. I think Henry James’ “Portrait of a Lady” is a slower pace with a slow unfolding. Unlike John Connelly’s “Book of Lost Things” which felt fast paced, as I remember.

I’m sure there’s many ways to do this. And maybe you could incorporate those two ideas into one.

How would you portray and abrupt ending in your story with cutting the story short?

Your Why Your Reason

Remind yourself of the things you love. Review your reasons why when life seems to be dragging you around.

I found my peace in rest and staying focused on my why the last couple days. Before that, life’s been giving me whirlwind weeks. Those weeks it’s easy to wanna throw in the towel. It’s easy to think, “maybe this just isn’t for me.” That is not true. It’s even more not true during whirlwind weeks.

There are jobs out there that may be better for some people. And there are things and places we need to step away from in life. Those aren’t the situations I’m talking about. I’m talking about the project you started that seems to keep backfiring on you. The job you started with pure intentions, with a curious mind and an eager heart. That job. That project. That’s the one I’m asking you to sit down and remember why you started it.

I’ll share my why. I began studying psychology to help my mom. Psychology lit my fire in so many ways. I lost track of myself after I had my first daughter, which I’m coming to learn is natural for women. Then I went to school to get my degree so I could get access to the best therapy programs for my mom. My mom has always been and always will be my reason.

What’s yours?

Write Myself Free

I don’t wanna write myself into a hole. I wanna write myself free. I wanna write myself into the place that makes me better than I was yesterday.

If I could I’d write a million dollars into my bank account. If I could I’d write my family and friends safe and healthy lives. I’d write family vacations and new cars.

I wanna have something to look back at thats more than vacations and money in the bank. I wanna look back and see that we’ve grown closer as a family. I wanna see how I learned myself and how I learned more about the ones I love.

I guess it’s important that I use my writing to do both. Write into abundance. Abundant love and relationships. Abundant growth and learning.

I’m sure there’s a way. I’m sure I’m on the right track.