I approve of you
I approve of your workout
And your smile
And the way you raise your babies
I see you learning and thinking things through as usual
To be specific
I like how you’re learning to trust yourself
How you can be honest about your shortcomings
And compromise with clear set boundaries
Let’s keep going
I am selfish with my love for the world
I will love you inside out
I will push and prod and poke
I will release and catch
And give you space
All to make the world a better place
what I would want
The world has greeted me
As if I’ve been exactly what it’s been waiting for.
After all this time
I’ve been giving it to everyone else
I think it’s been waiting for me to finally give it to myself
As long as I can put words to the way I feel, it’s free and open to the public. Unfortunately, living that way can frustrating because so many people are scared to share their own feelings.
Why would I continue to be so honest and care free with my thoughts and feelings knowing it leaves me vulnerable?
First, I know that sharing my feelings will give others the strength to share their own. Or help others to know they’re not alone in their own experiences.
Second, it helps me to have and set realistic expectations because over time expressing myself helps me learn what things bother me and what things make me smile.
And last but not least, when I’m finally around groups people who share their thoughts and feelings without fear, it’s so liberating for me. Makes me want to provide that space for people as well.
Why do you share your feelings or why don’t you?
This past month, I have been taking time to recall my past year. It’s been tough to feel like I’m putting myself through the past again, but in September, while I was going through a rough patch, I found myself diving headfirst into a lot of pieces I wrote over the years. Hearing how I felt in different situations gave me perspective and helped me to heal myself. I also began to go through a lot of my old Facebook posts. I truly thank past Saschia for the encouragement she constantly poured out. So from here on out, I’m going to make sure I record my current thoughts and feelings even if in my present moment they seem insignificant. Also, I’m going to post on my social media as if I’m speaking to my future self so that when the time comes, I’ll have someone telling me exacly what I need to hear when I need to hear it. So basically, writing and posting my feelings in the present moment is loving myself. Did you write today?
I wriggled out of my skin
And danced under the sunlight
I let the world fall away
To embrace the woman
I’ve worked so hard to become
The floodgates opened
And washed away all my worries
In that moment
I was free
She gathered the love notes
the sporadic ones
the demanded ones
she gathered her books
her sorrows and her understandings
and she left
She began to build her ark
the blueprint laid out from above
she stacked her self-love
and internal conversations
she’s had with heavenly hosts
layer by layer
This will help her bare the storm
This will get her through
Be Like Noah
The steam around me is hardly noticed
cooped in the shed
that came with our backyard
I take breaths
I feel the shower and take in that very moment
it feels so good to breathe
without a worry
My head rests against the wall
and I think of how hard it is to think
how hard it is to not be automatic
I swallow basic thoughts
crunch on mere survival
The fog fills the bathroom
and blurs the mirror
I cannot see me
but I can see the fog
From now on I will believe in my writing. I will be confident enough to be teachable while also being true to me. It took a lot of work to be able to write that and mean it at the same time. It’s not just an affirmation it’s a statement of who I’ve become. I will continue to reflect on this so I can maintain my belief. But I hope to stay here if not forever for as long as possible.