A place where you can be human.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
In self-trust all the virtues are comprehended. Free should the scholar be,—free and brave. Free even to the definition of freedom, “without any hindrance that does not arise out of his own constitution.”
The Project Gutenberg eBook of Essays, by Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sunday Rest Days
Every Sunday, I wake up nice and slow, watch church, and clean the house. Today worked out as planned. But this Sunday I added in meals for the week. It was so relaxing. The week flies by and I’m trying to get three well balanced meals a day in daily. I forget a lot. And then I’ll eat the stuff that doesn’t need to be cooked or prepared in any way. lol Which is junk food. I enjoy eating healthy foods. I just don’t always have fun preparing them. So if I have the energy, I’m going to try and get some meals planned for the week on Sundays.
I know there’s not going to be one set way that lasts forever. I enjoy shifting things around in my life to make it more enjoyable for me and my family. I like to think of ways I can make my home better that’s works for us all as a family. We’re all still learning so much. We’re all trying our best to work together as a team and think about how our choices could affect those around us. Well, when it comes to chores or the words we use. Maybe even our reactions.
Today I got to spend time grocery shopping with my oldest and I just love how she’s excited to try new things and make recipes she finds online. My youngest gets to go everywhere so it was nice to have time with my first born. She always has great stories to tell.
I enjoy having my girls while I build the life of my dreams. I enjoy this space we’ve shared where we all learn from our mistakes and grow into more accepting and understanding human beings. I’m excited to see what’s to come for us.
Phew, this week has me wiped out. I’m happy we’ve been able to chat about freedom to be heard.
After really sitting down and thinking about how we as writers can find ways to get our voices heard, it reminded me of all the people in the world who don’t get the same opportunity. My heart aches for those who are being silenced and still trying to get their voice heard. I hope that they keep fighting to be heard. I hope that they find a place where they can use their creativity to fly wild and free as a bird.
Sometimes we don’t have the energy to figure it all out. Sometimes we’re tired of saying the same thing over and over to get the same results. Feels like we’re hitting a wall. It doesn’t feel good at all. I want to write for all those who have not yet found their voice in a world that keeps silencing them. I want to write in a way that’s so real and raw and human that if another one out there stumbles across my path, I can, at least for a time, light their way.
6 Ways to intentionally hear and understand yourself
A few days ago, I shared a post about freedom to be heard. Above is a list of ways to intentionally hear and understand yourself but I think a better title would be 6 Ways to Show Up for Yourself. Part of feeling heard and understood, is when we show up for ourselves.
We can write stories all day about speaking up and saving the world but what does it mean if those words aren’t improving us as human beings? If I’m going to write, I’m going to write in way that improves me as a human so I can improve the lives of those around me. So these intentions, or ways to show up, are an important part of my growth.
In case you missed it
Words of affirmation are great, buuut what’s important when it comes to words of affirmation is that you believe them so intently that your actions line up. Here’s the affirmation again.
You are valuable. Your thoughts and feelings are valuable. What you have to say is valuable. You are valuable inside and out.
How would -or do your actions support these words? If you’re still learning to hear and understand yourself, what can you do to show that you believe these words are true?
Here’s some ideas.
As conscious writers, we must take time to hear and understand ourselves so that our freedom to be heard can be endless!
What habits help you to hear and understand yourself?
There is no one way. These are just a few good habits to practice that will help.
As a mom and wife, all of these are hard except minding my circle and staying away from places that silence me. Those two are easy because I just don’t have the time. Making time for these habits is important me. I know that doing these things with the intention of hearing and understanding myself, will give me the glow. It feels good. It clarifies my thoughts and goals. It can even rejuvenate me. There’s no reason good enough to skip out on these habits.
Tomorrow I’ll share “6 Ways to intentionally hear and understand yourself.”
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To keep heading down the path toward freedom to be heard, I wanted to talk about an important question you need to ask yourself.
“Who am I?”
One of the most important questions we can ask ourselves as artists. This really is the bedrock of our creations. This is where writing is transformed from mimicry to individual and original works. Okay, now that we’ve clarified our foundation, let’s keep moving forward. What accompanies our who?
With our “who” we are led to our why? Like, why are we writing? Then we are led to our what? What are we doing about our why and our who? For clarity, this might be what your why looks like:
I am the representation of a strong woman who perseveres as a writer to show others the gifts and tools writing can provide.
Ok, let’s just say you know your why, how are you acting on that? Not in your art, in your life. What are you actively doing to pass on this mindset to others? So what I’m saying is, you are what you do. Not what you’ve done but what you do presently. The monotony, the unexpected, the things you say yes to are all who you are. This isn’t to create a sense of unforgiveness or shame but to bring awareness to your actions as a conscious writer.
I am [insert your action] because [insert why].
When you begin to explore your who, the goal is, or should be, to become aware of both your internal and your external until you overcome the gap. Freud would say making the unconscious conscious. Whatever you label it, this exploration has no end. Closing the gap between the two isn’t to reach a fixed state. It should be understood as a constant “production of presence.” According to Gabriele Guercio in Art as Existence; Hanna Arendt, a twentieth-century great thinker, argues,
for a view of the the human condition in which everyone’s insertion in the world must be understood as a ‘second birth,’ singularity revealed via praxis. This birth ‘is not the beginning of something but of somebody, who is a beginner himself.’ It occurs when one stops belonging merely to a natural species and asserts one’s own initiative.
We are a species of new beginnings. The initial “insertion into the world” (what Arendt would like us to call second-birth,) is what some call self-actualization. Part of the second birth is accepting that we aren’t a fixed state. Which means your “who” and your “what” can evolve and change as the gap between the two closes. And as it closes, you become fully embodied in your who. What a beautiful thing it can be to become an unpredictable and unique individual. To becomes someone with their own initiative who doesn’t just go with the flow of things.
That sounds like freedom to me.
Know thyself, Know thy why, and do thy what. When you do, it will give you the perseverance, the foundation, and the clarity you need in order to adapt when the time comes to adapt. Instead of road blocks becoming hindrances or limitations that send you running for the hills, they become challenges to face with a strong chin and a clear conscience.
Why does being heard and understood feel so good?
When we are forced into situations that consistently silence our thoughts and feelings, it makes us wonder if we bring any value into the world. In turn, that leads us to wonder if we are valuable at all.
Let’s put an end to that question right now with some words of affirmation.
You are valuable. Your thoughts and feelings are valuable. What you have to say is valuable and you are valuable inside and out.
Were you silenced when you had something really important to say?
or
Is there a book you can think of where a character was silenced when they had something to say?
I’ll share both a story and an experience in my life. The first story that comes to mind for me is Mary Shelley’s, Frankenstein. Frankenstein’s monster only wanted to be heard and listened to but people were too afraid of his appearance to hear him. This caused him to feel unloved and unaccepted. Here’s a quote
If I cannot inspire love, I will cause fear!
― Mary Shelley, Frankenstein
Frankenstein’s monster found other ways to be heard and understood. Let’s pretend, in a world where he was heard maybe he’d say something more like,
I will not cause fear when I can inspire love.
Well, that’s what we shoot for. The point is, he was being silenced when all he needed was to be heard and understood. As we can see by the monster’s words, (not our pretend ones) he chose to take a path of destruction when he was consistently not heard by both those around him and his creator. But let’s find a better way than Frankenstein’s monster. Let’s get our voices heard.
Ok let’s talk about a personal story for me. When I was in high school, I was really struggling. I cried daily in school. I had frequent absences. I had super low self-esteem and barely ate food. One day, I begged my mom to call the school and explain to them how much I was struggling. She asked for a mentor and/or books so I could get homeschooled, but since I was a “good kid” they wouldn’t help. I eventually found myself at night school and graduated with my diploma but getting my diploma didn’t solve the problem. I needed more. I needed someone listen to me, hear me, and take time to understand me and the things I was struggling with at home. It would have been life saving. My academics didn’t need support, I needed to be heard and understood. I was never taught how to validate my own feelings. I was never taught how to listen and understand myself. All I knew was that I needed more support and I was struggling to find it. I continued to struggle even with a high school diploma. Eventually this lead to destructive behaviors into my adulthood. The toxic relationships, over-giving, and still not eating enough all grew bigger and dominated my adulthood. Once I got to college, I finally got more support. I learned to listen to myself and learned the many ways (that I used to think was selfish), I could intentionally take time to understand myself.
In writing, I get to let myself be wild and free, like my hair. I make my characters or the narrator speak up, I have them ask questions, and they even rebel against those who don’t respect their thoughts and feelings. I have learned so much from studying the development of all my characters, and I try to use my writing to find different ways to advocate for myself.
So to answer the question we started with,
Why does being heard and understood feel so good?
Being heard and understood by others mirrors your value back to you, but we can’t place our value in others. Some people don’t listen or understand themselves, maybe they are still learning to fully value themselves. This means they aren’t capable of reflecting your value back to you. We must learn to mirror our value back to ourselves. This is where listening and understanding yourself is the direct path to creative freedom. Why? because the amazing gift you receive from learning to hear and understand yourself is that you can genuinely bring value to those around you by just being you! And as an added bonus, this brings value and depth to your characters! It’s wild how everything is so connected. I love it.
So let’s go back to our words of affirmation. Words of affirmation are great, buuut what’s important when it comes to words of affirmation is to believe them so intently that your actions line up with them. Here’s the affirmation again.
You are valuable. Your thoughts and feelings are valuable. What you have to say is valuable. You are valuable inside and out.
How would -or do your actions support these words? If you’re still learning to hear and understand yourself, what can you do to show that you believe these words are true?
Here’s some ideas.
As conscious writers, we must take time to hear and understand ourselves so that our freedom to be heard can be endless!
What habits help you to hear and understand yourself?
6 Ways to intentionally hear and understand yourself
*Bonus*
Do what you feel pulled to do. What interests you, what inspires you, what you are curious about –follow those things. This is one of the most fun and adventurous ways we learn to understand ourselves.
In conclusion, when you find your freedom to be heard, you will have gained one out of three of the most important tools that lead to creative freedom!
I wanna share your art, poems, and writing that represent you getting your voice heard!!
Tag me and use #freedomtobeheard and #fortheconsciouswriter so I can share your work with
There’s freedom in being able to speak your truth. Most times digging up these truths takes more work than most are willing to put in. The nuggets of truth get so buried, that they haven’t seen the light of day since who knows when. So getting to them is hard work. Don’t think for a second that your conscious writing is no sweat. It is hard work mining. So once we get to the truth, we write it down and we say it out loud and we are finally freed from hiding it under false belief for so long. Every time we find one of our hidden truths, we are one step closer to whole.
This is where the discipline is essential. It helps to keep you moving forward even during the darkest moments when you no longer want to. You are going to need more than motivational quote on those days.
There’s always a million other things to do.
There’s always time for a nap or cleaning or even an extra hour at the gym. If there is anything I’ve learned it’s that there is never enough time to write. It’s not just the clock, it’s the amount of energy, the amount of focus and mental stamina. It’s ok to spend time taking care of your priorities but when it’s time to write, it’s important to show up.
There’s not a huge expectation here. It’s just show up and write everyday. You don’t have to want to. You just have to do it. One more scene. One more detail about your character, one more juicy tidbit about your world. There’s no need to be enthusiastic or energetic. The page could care less about your mood or your energy. The characters just need you to be there, giving them a reason to come to life.
A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit.”
— Richard Bach
This is your path to the truth. This is your path to freedom.
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This morning was rough for me. I lost my Nanny, (my mom’s mom) years ago. I’ve always gotten both my mom and grandmother stuff for Mother’s Day. I was missing my gram a lot this morning. The one thing that really got me through the morning was that I have my own routine to prepare me for the week on Sundays. (I totally understand now why Sunday’s are sacred. )
Even with the temporary sadness, I love celebrating my mom on mother’s day with the rest of the country. It’s fun and it gives us something to look forward to. I have toned it down over the years but I’m still happy to bring her something that makes her smile.
I’m in much better sprits this evening. My plan for today was to do my normal routine, then change the living room around. I guess in my head I wanted to feel good in our home for my own mother’s day gift to myself. What’s great is my husband not only got me flowers, he even got to hang a huge piece of art that our oldest daughter made when she was young. I’ve wanted to hang it up for years. It really filled my whole heart when I saw he hung it for me.
Healing yourself is the best way to write creatively. On the flip side writing creatively is the best way to heal yourself.
I grew up making a lot of mistakes. For a long time, I thought I was making significantly more mistakes than others but that was just insecurity talking. I still don’t like making mistakes but it doesn’t destroy me like it used to. One affirmation I wish I knew for a good chunk of my life was “I’m doing better than I think.” The great thing is that I know it now. These days I work through mistakes and use them to propel myself forward.
Creative writing has taught me how to appreciate the first draft. Everything is messy at first. Especially when you’re venturing out into the unknown, it’s going to be messy. Watching my stories come to life after a few edits and gathering ideas from other great writers has really given me new shifts on life. First shift it made me realize was that everyone starts out with a messy first draft. I wasn’t some odd ball we all have messy first drafts. Second shift was that most people aren’t very proud of their messy first draft but they are proud when they start with a mess and transform it into something great.
These shifts matured me as a human and as a writer. It made writing and my life more fun and adventurous.
What has writing taught you?
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