Finger Tips

the sadness

 

the moments I freeze in fear

palms on my thighs

 

the moments I lose myself in emotion

to protect my tribe

 

they are all me

pieces that will evolve

and die

and come back to life

 

the smile I can’t wipe from my face

the way I act like it’s a whole new world

when I fall in love

that is me

 

A collection of those who loved me

and a collection of those who had no idea how

 

❤ Saschia

 

 

Kowalcyzk

Bloody nose again

the iron taste drips down the back of my throat

reminds of sex and immorality

tissue against my nose

morality fell out of my hand some time ago

I say that in a ignorant manor

not a some philosophical way that might make this poem a tad more shallow

I slur words at young lovers

wishing them luck

knowing that there’s a chance one will be left

more broken than the other

I clink glasses with my demons

and pour a swig for the good people

gone too soon

I walk between grave stones looking for one with a great last name

and we become friends.

I tell him over and over I can’t do this

I can’t do this, again

He listens and waits for more of what I have to say

you know because the dead are much better listeners

We sit quiet together

it wasn’t comforting

but, in a comforting way, there are no black birds

 

 

 

Blueprints From Heaven

She gathered the love notes

the sporadic ones

the demanded ones

she gathered her books

her sorrows and her understandings

and she left

She began to build her ark

the blueprint laid out from above

she stacked her self-love

and internal conversations

she’s had with heavenly hosts

layer by layer

This will help her bare the storm

This will get her through

 

❤ Saschia

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Be Like Noah

My Current Thoughts

I am not always the easiest person to talk to. I am fully aware of that. But:

I am capable of change. I am capable of forgiveness, I am capable of learning/listening to new thoughts and ideas even if they compromise my own beliefs.

I tried just following a belief system even though the system compromised my beliefs. It gets hard to pretend once you really sit down and think about what your true values are. It’s always been extremely hard for me to pretend. And even though sometimes the truth pisses me the hell off, if I come to the realization that I’m wrong, I will apologize or I’ll admit I was wrong. And I will do whatever is in my power to either not do it again or adjust my own views to what was true. Even if it means removing myself from a situation. Removing myself is a last resort but sometimes I have to do it. Especially, if I’m explaining my needs, my thoughts, my feelings, and they are disregarded or shoved to the side like an old news paper.

If you can not come to me with the truth, don’t come. If you can not strip away and get to the core of why you believe something. Stop coming. Find someone else to be friends with. I’d rather be alone than have people around me pretending. Disagree with me. Tell me why you do. Most importantly, tell me your life experiences that made you come to this realization. Don’t come to me with non human bs. Be a human. Tell me I hurt you. I’ll tell you why I’m hurt by it. That’s how you bond, that’s how you grow. We get mad. We scream, we yell, or not. We go home, think about that shit, and regroup. Then we come back to it whether it be a couple days weeks months. Just be honest, that’s how bonding happens.

That’s what I want.

Confessional:

To be honest, 3 or 4 years ago this was all very hard because I wasn’t secure in my own faith or values. Over time, my husband and going to school helped me sit down and establish what I currently believe and where my boundaries when it comes to my beliefs and values. So I am now more secure in and listening to conversations (especially religious ones) that compromise my own beliefs. If a topic is sensitive to me I will say that. I will show that, but it took time for me to learn to say, “this is a sensitive topic for me and to explain why.”